Cliff's List Seduction Letters Archives

Becoming a better pick up artist starts with becoming a better man.

How to join the Mile High Club with minimal game.

Girls will always go home with a gay guy ...

Cliff's List readers respond to Barron.

Why too much confidence can be a bad thing.

How to seduce a girl in less than an hour.

Intriguee reviews a weekend boot camp in Sydney with Brent.

A Cliff's List reader is disillusioned with the Seduction Community.

In 2010, there's really no such thing as a blind date anymore.

Ever get the feeling that you're only attracting the girls you don't really want ? Here's the reason.

If you're not attractive, why bother trying to seduce women ?

Boring conversations ? You may not have to change what you say … just how you say it.

A skillful pick up artist doesn't just know how to seduce women … he knows how to keep them from getting away.

Why you should always call at least twice.

Being a “nice guy” has its perks.

How to make a high-powered CEO jealous of a waitress.

If you're feeling too lazy to go out, here's why you should reconsider.

Sticky Fingers pulls off a seduction with virtually nothing but text messages.

How to get your girlfriend hooked on threesomes.

Sticky Fingers seeks advice about a girl in a sticky situation.

When it comes to seduction, sometimes less is more.

Sticky Fingers' quest to improve his dance floor game.

The 7 biggest problems shy guys face when dealing with women.

If you want to have a same night lay, you need to know what signs to look for.

The adventures of an elderly man who is into college girls.

Why you should never go to too many afterparties.

The only thing separating you from success is experience … and the only thing separating you from experience is success. How to break the vicious circle.

Why Sin never uses routines … and why you shouldn't, either.

Adam Gilad on the importance of good housekeeping.

How to get a stripper's number … the easy way.

A great list of pick up lines for texting.

Pick up these days seems so complicated … but it's really very simple.

Rob Judge on the five “phases” of a developing pick up artist.

DRH covers the basics of dance floor seduction.

Brad P. shares three new openers and gives advice on how to use them effectively.

TheLetter weighs in on the wing debate with a solution he calls Tandem Soloing.

Why seduction at the gym is better than seduction in the club.

Why a simple dinner date is a minefield of screening and tests … and how you can successfully navigate it.

Coach Bill on the 3 most important things you need when meeting women.

Kevin Feng makes time in his busy work schedule to pick up girls.

If you're looking to score a perfect 10, the local club is the wrong place to look.

Swinggcat's detailed guide to changing a girl's self-image and getting her into your reality.

Kevin Feng recounts one of the easiest pick ups in history.

Entropy lists the top 3 habits of the most successful pick up artists.

Mr. M's strategies for successful phone and text seduction.

Christian Hudson takes a fresh look at the question of what creates attraction in women.

Kevin Feng discusses the advantages of going out with a group of women.

A regular guy shares his story with the seduction community.

Newly monogamous New York playboy Paul Janka gives his thoughts on why a man might want to leave the game.

Asian Playboy reveals three easy steps for avoiding the friend zone.

Cliff's List readers reply to a post from Mark of LA.

Feel like your game is missing something ? Saying all the right things, but getting none of the results ? Find out how mad dogs evolved to avoid predators and pick up women.

Everybody knows that, when it comes to the art of seduction, a wingman is your closest ally, right ? Wrong ! Aaron Sleazy reveals why sarging with a wingman may be more trouble than it's worth.

Is Carlos Xuma a mind reader ? Is your target thinking about changing her toothpaste ? What does buckshot have to do with seduction ? These and other mysteries explained !

A Cliff's List reader discovers that enlarging your penis isn't all that different from picking up girls.

Scot McKay gives all aspiring pickup artists some valuable advice regarding women's “tests” … they might not be what you think.

Mark of L.A.'s call to action for Cliff's List readers and the Seduction Community as a whole

How Zardoz exemplifies the bartender's innate powers of seduction

David Shade shares the one simple secret behind everything he teaches on the subject of giving women amazing sex and full body orgasms.

Carlos Xuma responds to Noodleboy's approach anxiety problem. Six rock-solid rules for beating your approach anxiety and strengthening your seduction skills.

Etienne Charland lists the top ten mistakes guys make with women, and Noodleboy seeks advice from experts on opening to overcome his approach anxiety.

Number closing with the help of local law enforcement. Never feel rejected again.

A beginner's question for the seduction community, and thoughts on the use of Speed Seduction patterns and poems in seduction.

If the seduction is going well, under no circumstances should you ask for her Facebook !

Cliff's List exclusive interview with the master of fast seduction, Sleazy !

Midasthemadhatter drops his pearls of wisdom on married women and seduction.

Boring venues, cockteasers, gay friends, drama queens ... will Sleazy ever get a blowjob ? Here's what happens when a man with the right attitude meets a girl with the wrong priorities. Also, GameMaster reveals Kentucky's best-kept secret. It may not be fried chicken, but it's finger-lickin' good.

Next time you go to a party in Japan, dress up as a butler. Sound silly ? Maybe so, but it's a great way to meet asian women. Of course, it helps if you've got a collection of furs and are an expert at "lightning game," but the good news is, you don't have to be Asian. Threesome stories are only the beginning ... pretty soon, you'll be having baristas for breakfast.

Is he her boyfriend ? Is she his girlfriend ? Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is ... does it matter ? Carlos Xuma shares some tactics for knowing when she's “just not that into” the guy she's with. Plus, Sasha's “no excuses” policy for approaching. No time to pick up girls ? Who needs time ? Approach !

Zardoz's seduction manual: from the art of approaching to making the close, Zardoz explores female psychology and explains why many of the most well-known seduction techniques actually work. Whether you are new to the seduction community or an experienced pickup artist, this step-by-step guide to picking up women is a must-read.

Scot McKay tells us how to kiss a woman for the first time ... simply by knowing your town like the back of your hand. Dating is just easier when you never run out of dating ideas ! Get insecure girls offering sex and strangers offering condoms, even with low energy and a sore throat. L-I-Te demonstrates the power of positive thinking.

Papa of Real Social Dynamics tells how he got involved in the seduction community and became the master pickup artist he is today. IceDragon comments on the importance of emotional stability, both in seduction and in relationship maintenance. Zardoz proves that age doesn't matter ... at least, if the girl hasn't had sex in six months.

Spidey interviews Steve P., master of hypnosis, orgasm techniques, tantric sex, and the female body. If you've ever wanted to know how to make a woman orgasm throughout her entire body, you'll want to read this interview ! Also, Dennis comments on why "going outside your comfort zone" when it comes to picking up women can be a geographical as well as psychological shift.

Think there's more to life than picking up women ? Why Hoobie wouldn't trade his skills as a pickup artist for all the money in the world. And maybe you feel you've really accomplished something if she talks to you for an hour. But the truth is, she just wants to use you for sex.

It's okay to be a pervert. Even strippers do it. Pick up girls tonight, or I'll burn $100 of your hard-earned money in front of your face ! If you meet married women at a bar, invite them back to your place to watch cartoons.

Sex does not necessarily equal happiness. Can you even tolerate her long enough for a same night lay ? Can't understand why she's dating an ugly guy ? Maybe she can't understand why you're not dating a skydiver. And you can easily learn how to be a player ... if you're a steroid-using pervert who fakes porn auditions to get women naked.

It's time to put the "community" back in the "seduction community." What do you look for in a wingman ? Less talk ... more seduction. SIN lays out the foundations of reading body language, and Etienne comments on abundance mentality. The more you give, the more you get.

You might think you want to have sex with her, but you're wrong. You might think you're in the game to seduce women, but you're not. That's right ... you have ulterior motives. You just have to find out what they are. If your girlfriend is psychic, you'd better make sure you're thinking about sex at all times. Also, two universal truths of inner game. Seduction based on your life.

Day 3 is for people who can't get what they want on day 1. How to get your friend's permission to steal a girl when he won't close the deal. Give a little value, get a little sex.

Nice guys pick up girls, bad boys whine and talk about philosophy. Persian Player's advice on cold approaches: mentally challenged guys asking for toothbrushes can be an asset. And so what if she's a drunk, coked-up manic depressive with multiple-personality disorder who can't remember her last STD screening ? She's, like, a 9.5 !

Midasthemadhatter thinks about ex-girlfriends while Cory Skyy protests the Internet. Who needs sex when you can give her a ten-minute orgasm at a family restaurant? IceDragon touches a girl's medicine balls; Kelly Monaco touches a guy's bottle. Be on the lookout for expensive watches. Zardoz talks during a movie.

This issue of Cliff's List features Scot McKay's guide to provoking feline utterances, Spidey's challenge to the challenged, and some guy in the military who gets ignored on Facebook. Find out why Persian Player isn't ashamed of his stomach, why Etienne doesn't get confused, how iceman_MTL broke a camel's back, and why Zardoz is feared for his power. Also, how to address your woman when you're home late after a night out with the guys. More guts, or more balls? Just pray there aren't any heroic dogs around.

So what if she's tantalizingly hot? IceDragon's never letting any woman drive his car again. Sasha concludes his day game opening guide aided by a comedian with a massive nose. Shit your pants and still pick up girls. Spidey thinks of a bartender for more than five minutes, and Cory Skyy weans you off the blanket that's behind the brick wall that's in your head. And be sure to check out Patrick's vintage sex guide. Not your grandfather's Kama Sutra...or is it?

Sasha hates to run, and uses that to his advantage in the second part of his day game opening guide. David Shade gives us the three truisms of mental foreplay. Cory Skyy teaches guys not to get numbers, and Persian Player seduces a girl with a cigar (no, you haven't heard this story before.) Also, paper-pushing tax officer, or sleek, highly-skilled agent busting corporate criminals? It's all in how you present yourself, says Ice Dragon. And Greggarious gives his thoughts on a juicy topic. Squirting leads to enlightenment? Just like in the fairy tales!

In this issue, Cory Skyy warns that your ship won't just “drift into port” (not quite the heavy-handed metaphor you're imagining.) T-Dub explains how to get your ex back by telling her “thanks” for nothing. Sasha details openers to avoid, unless girls regularly ask if you can fuck as well as you can whistle. Dewey advocates knowing what you want, Noodleboy covers the finer points of squirting, and Diehard spends eight months on a bus for one night with a girl.

Rapport is a word you hear everywhere these days. DJ gives us a much-needed analysis of rapport: what it actually means, the various types, the various stages. Not just for seduction, but for any kind of connection! Ice Dragon covers all the essential points of nightclub game, and then illustrates them with his own field report. Persian Player gives us the lay report sequel to his "FR: It may be Love." Find out how he finally succeeds in getting a girl with a boyfriend of ten years into his bed.

Brad P. gives his views on keyboard jockies: guys who spend too much time collecting information and not enough time putting it into practice. The bottom line? Guys who read the most get laid the least. Are you a keyboard jockey? Read on to find out.

The nightclub is your world...do as thou wilt. Sasha emphasizes the importance of paying too much for a sandwich. Trying to pick up girls at school is not usually the best idea...unless she's been living with her boyfriend for the past ten years. And everybody knows that if a woman tells you something, you can be damned sure she means it, right? Right. Marni is here to rescue you, young pick up artist.

Zardoz gets off a plateau, Dr. Yen puts "shit tests" in a new light, and Milachku weighs in on who's more advanced...Montreal gays or New York gays. Not sure how to talk to a girl ? Maybe you should just shut up.

Who chases, men or women? Both of the above. Marni explains why girls can definitely have too much of your good thing. Sebastian reveals the secrets of his reputation in London for being “fucking impatient.” Then there's Twins' 3-day F-close. Maybe patience is a virtue after all.

If you've ever wanted to lay an erotic massotherapist, Persian Player has blazed the trail...so to speak. And forget your routines. They're training wheels, says Zardoz. He'll show you how to be in state constantly. Also, Spezzatura attracts a girl from inside her vagina, and if you've ever thought picking up women was like playing a video game, you need Oliver Turner's advice on how to avoid being stuck in stage 1 forever!

Meet Dr. Yen, sniper. Master of vantage point. If you're going to bars and clubs to meet women, then Carlos Xuma suggests changing a different kind of vantage point. Milachku conquers threesome resistance, and Rion Williams shares the joy of SIM cards ... your international local phone number that lets you pick up girls in virually any country !

Can you boast a 9.8% number-to-lay rate ? If the answer is no, then you need to read our interview with a guy who can: Paul Janka. Average cost per lay ? $2 for a bottle of seltzer. Moral of the story ? Never pay for dinner again. Also ... morbid fear of clowns ? Then you may not want to read Carlos Xuma's advice on conquering approach anxiety.

What do you do when her handbag goes better with your clothes ? Make sure she doesn't get buyer's remorse. Threadcutting: the act of getting a girl hot by talking about snowmen. Learn the art of seduction from the richest man in Babylon. Little boys only date 10s. And what does she mean, “Be yourself ?”

Ciaran calls it the pinnacle of direct game, the ultimate way to pick up girls. Approach, get 'em hot, take 'em home. In his words: “No BS, no tactics, just straight in there, make a girl feel really hot, have great fun with her, be cool, go back to your/her place and do the hunka-chunka.” Prepare for Shock and Awe.

Boy meets girl, boy pulls girl, boy field reports girl...girl field reports boy? Use a woman's phone to apologize to yourself. Contrary to popular opinion, mental synapse disasters don't necessarily result in seduction. Rion Williams comments on why architects have more power than Paris Hilton.

Forget about K.I.S.S., you need to get R.E.A.L.! The Bruce Lee of the Seduction Community, Carlos Xuma, shares his philosophy of “Jeet Kune Dating,” and offers a cure for the “six diseases of seduction.” And are you a victim of stereotyping? Then you're probably getting laid. Brad P. explains why.

Ever wonder what a Golden Retriever is made of ? Now you can go beyond the cliché. Don't let her show you who's boss. So what if she's cheating with the gardener and took your toolbox ? No rain, no rainbows.

Shark lays out the hard path toward healing for gay aliens and ball busters. Learn a fancy way to say “one-itis.” Make her parents hate you. She'll love it.

David Shade tells all: the renowned sex guru reveals how he started off as a lonely guy just surviving divorce. Vowing never to make the same mistakes again, he discovered how to make a woman orgasm in ways she never thought possible (including his infamous hypnosis orgasm technique) and from there became the world-famous expert on sex and seduction that he is today.

Ross Jeffries and David DeAngelo agree—for once—on being careful in choosing a teacher. Mark B. gives some good advice on non-verbal indications of interest that will be useful to any guy who doesn't want to be labeled a stalker. And a guru master explains that all emotions are rooted either in love or fear. When someone attacks you, address their fear. Woman: I'm so angry! A guru master: You seem upset...

One of your girls is fire, the other is water. Both are hot. How will other men react to your three-way make outs ? Manage envy if they're white; field “mad props” if they're black. Seducer vs. schizo: when she's not attracted to you, but she wishes she was. To call or not to call ... that is the question. Why the world needs more guys like Jude Law.

In this issue, Style presents his guide to being a total asshole—or, rather, his guide to picking up women with online personals. Want to take it offline? Tell her you're a selfish prick. Also, Durannarud explains why he sneers like Clint Eastwood, and Dwacon covers the high points of acting like a dog. Ukrainian women love it.

Join the closer's club ! Piss off little girls who don't get their candy ! The Pope has a miscarriage, Tyler Durden is impressed with the similarities between Tagalog and English, and Jatinder gets seduction advice about Donald Trump from a gypsy. Be ready to live with the consequences.

Being able to get women horny beyond comprehension has its downside, according to Dwacon...particularly if you're only attracting women who are married. Craiger lays out the tactics of a sexual serial killer. If you see any short, fat, bald guys with hot chicks, be realistic and go the the gym. A guru master gets fought over and misses the subway, Rod stays cool by not smoking pot, and Papa continues his seduction of Paris Hilton, aided by a long, slow glass of orange juice.

Being a jerk vs. being a jerk: Shane questions, Mark B. clarifies. Moodiness vs. snottiness: Gregory Rasputin has a solution for both. For those who think familiarity breeds contempt, Giacomo Casanova VII recounts the parable of Lumpy and Dumpy the bisexual AFC. RL reviews the Real Social Dynamics bootcamp, Mark B. champions the responsiveness of Toronto women, and Guru Master learns the art of seduction from Jack Nicholson and Cher.

Tyler Durden gets pregnant at the Double Your Dating Seminar in Sydney. Carlos Xuma replies to Mark B. about neediness and the importance of looks. Seduction tactics are sleazy, manipulative, and fake: Ole Flirty Bastard explains why that's a good thing. According to Thundercat, the biggest challenges in approaching women are—laziness and fear of loss ? Meanwhile, a local guru master gets dragged to McDonald's

TylerD offers some solid advice on when not to act like a stripper, Genemachine reviews the Real Social Dynamics Seminar, and Ish takes an instant popularity pill.

Top hats, bandages, condoms, and K-Mart ... and if you're still out of ideas, practice your seduction skills on a bum. Thundercat's Tale of Woe, or, How and Why to Approach a Battletoad. Xaneus makes a stripper cry 5 times in a single night.

Is it a golden key ? Or a silver bullet ? If seduction fails, give her a nervous breakdown. Style has to choose between a girl and his coat. Ross's solution ? Bang the girl and buy a new coat. And if you want to be a pick up artist, you have to accept a little discomfort. We can't all start out with anatomically incorrect Ken dolls.

Presto-change-o sex magic vs. positive suggestion sex magic: when a great piece of ass is a waste of energy. SexPDX goes to Juggler's workshop and plays a knight in shining armor. Find out how lobster bisque, M*A*S*H* and Sir Mix-a-Lot create an atmosphere of sexual tension that regresses Dwacon to his mother's bedtime stories. Also, caught looking at porn ? Maybe you should stop drawing pentagrams on your chest.

Swinggcat on the rules of qualifying and challenging, push-pull, reframing shit tests, and not having a threesome.

How pickup artists spend the New Year: 26 wonders why he can't orgasm after having sex three times, Amorphis goes out to buy condoms, and Rio pisses off a girl on a plane.

Ross Jeffries dispels some poisonous ideas about women. Papa gets lucky on a Party Bus with the help of Mystery Method, Hypno Bill defines compassionate dominance, and TokyoPUA gives advice on being big in Japan.

Losing your virginity can be a drag if you're worried about your cock snapping off. Just ask Deep6. Dwacon tries a new product and tastes great in a variety of interactions, from the Czar's family dinner to Mount Olympus. Hypno Bill spreads holiday cheer in neglected strip clubs. Also, can an average-looking girl be a pick up artist? Cliff's List readers offer a variety of opinions, from “Maybe if you learn how to deep throat” to “Even a dog-faced Russian babushka can do it.”

Ovulu's two-stage seduction process, which involves talking about sex as little as possible. NightLight9's basic rules of winging. How to use Speed Seduction on a lawyer. If you're always attracting girls who love drama, maybe you love drama yourself.

Ross Jeffries gets a lot of pussy ... and you would, too, if you had so many affectionate cats. Want to seduce older women ? Send them pictures of your big cock ... from a poultry website. Had enough of the puns ? Find out why women call Ross Jeffries “the lizard.”

Conclusion to the review of the Mystery Method workshop in San Francisco, where brides blush, boyfriends are destroyed, dragons are kinoed, and evil is embraced. Is there honor among thieves ? Can you really learn how to be a pick up artist from a porn site ? These and other mysteries revealed !

Six men walk into a bar for the Mystery Method workshop. Mystery shows up twenty minutes late, notices the bartender is an 8.5. He does some routines, levitates a plastic cup, but can't close the deal. So Mystery says to the bartender, “The only reason you're acting like this is because you aren't seeing me with my social proof !”

Mike Tyson, the prototypical pick up artist. Why forty foot men don't go to jail. “Cool:” another word for “good looking.” Maybe your mother wasn't lying after all.

Seduction by compliment: don't just affirm what she already knows... give her a genuine expression of what she does to you. It isn't the oppressed who fight for more, but ones who have had something taken from them. Strength training advice from Dorex. How to avoid looking like the big goons at the gym. A guru master values honesty.

Why do you try to sell yourself so hard ? Because you keep buying into your limitations and selling yourself ... short. Why Ross Jeffries doesn't spend time with children. The only way to conquer fear is by repetition. Intellectualizing won't help.

Lots of women want to kiss you; you just have to find out which ones. The key success factor in seduction (hint: it's not “cocky and funny.”) I realize I'm not fat, but could you see yourself being attracted to me ? Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as rejection.

Sister seduction secrets ... or, how to show loving concern for your LTR's sibling when she's having problems with men. Lay on the patterns; booze may help. And when you get tired of her sister, there's always her best friend. Glasses that let you see the past, present, and future. The real reason chicks dig KISS.

Two angels walk into a bar — sound familiar ? Wait until you meet the Parisian with the Pegasus. Don't forget to bring your blinders, spurs, and whip. Seduction techniques are no substitute for personality. If you're boring, you'd better get a lawyer.

What pimps, porn stars, politicians, athletes, late bloomers and selfish people have in common ... and how you can appeal to their sense of higher purpose.

Careful with your funny bone, lest it misfire. Whether she's a Sunday school teacher or a $1000 a night hooker, she should make you want to “pass her that book.” Energy-building methods for psychic seduction techniques. Sometimes, being a pick up artist is like buying a dog. If you get one that's eager to please, then the training is easy.

Cultivate her inner bitch. Is she acting like an asshole ? Encourage her ! David DeAngelo doles out the compliments, and Ross Jeffries reads one handed. Masturbate 30-40 times a day and call me in a week.

If you're in a bar with Brad Pitt's twin and aliens land, forcing the women to choose to have sex with one of you or die, here's how to make sure they pick you. Ross Jeffries defends the penis against claims of misogyny. Why you definitely don't want to be her type.

Feminist men vs. Ross Jeffries: are women really nothing more than acronyms ? David DeAngelo defends his bathing habits, and David Shade debunks “touchy feely” squirting methods. Why a natural pickup artist can sometimes get bogged down by his own seduction techniques.

The three phases of Speed Seduction, and an explanation of Speed Seduction patterns. There's always a little sadomasochism involved in being a pickup artist. You can't meet her halfway if you want to go all the way.

The celebrated seduction techniques of Don Juan, Sun Tsu, and Ronald Regan. She may look 18, but that's 36 in girl years. Be grateful that she has a boyfriend. It gives her something to do when she's not with you.

Think you're going to seduce her with your sad love poems ? Word of advice: girls read poetry. So for those of you planning to use poems in seduction, make sure you actually write them yourself. Also, why hot chicks don't like sex. At least, not in online personals.

You've just got to seduce your girlfriend back ? Make her cry. Have sex with her former best friend. Show her videos of you and her ... and videos of you with your ex. Make her read fifteen page stories about reunited lovers. And if she asks you to wait for her until she has another baby ? Send us the link to her new porn site.

The latest installment in the ongoing debate about who has the better seduction method: Ross Jeffries or Mystery. Is Speed Seduction just about making her feel good ? Does the Mystery Method succeed because Mystery is a prettyboy ? Is it better to create interest, or to look for it ? Are we dealing with a straw man, or a slippery slope ? Is this even a productive dialogue ?

GameMaster offers some online dating advice: when meeting women online, they will often ask you for a picture. If you're worried about your looks putting them off, here's how to reframe them.

The greatest quality a pickup artist can have is flexibility. Seduce a former Victoria's Secret model. It'll make you feel like the Dalai Lama. What do women really want ? Neither a wimp nor a macho, neither a pedestal nor a possession ... but sex for at least thirty minutes would be a good start.

Valentine's Day with your mother ... and all your girlfriends. The dark side of every virtue. Give her such fantastic sex that she won't care what else you're doing, as long as you keep giving it to her.

Do you have to make yourself “look cool” just to attract women ? How “hot” can she be if the coolest thing she sees in a guy are the shoes he wears ? Mom: the ultimate wingman. Get a girl to date you by explaining that you don't go on dates.

The subtleties of college campus approach and pick up. Mystery leads the lifestyle of a Chatty Cathy. What squirrels can teach us about sex: you don't “bang brawds” or “make love to women,” you “share wonderful sexual experiences.” And if you want to pick up girls on the phone, it will help if you have your hands free.

Seduction advice for guys who work in morgues. Get her in the car, trap her in conversation, tell her you need to go babysitting, then paralyze her. Even cats and horses do it.

The now legendary original post, right here on Cliff's List, that became the David DeAngelo book Double Your Dating.

It's not about insulting her, it's about making her feel delightful. Invite her back to your place for a romantic dinner ... with a cute cook. Mystery on the frustrations of not speaking Russian. Seduction is fun (repeat that 10 times to yourself.)

You have a choice: insult one woman per day, or play with Mr. Winky. Why hookers and married women won't let you kiss them. Mystery comments on what to do if you have to shoot yourself in the foot.

AFCs seduce older women because they don't know how to pickup girls in their 20s ... according to Flyer. Women recommend Speed Seduction for their male friends. The girls always screw like bunnies on the other side of the fence.

Devious seduction techniques for when you're overweight in an aerobics class. Where to find the most self-absorbed, vain, and parasitical women on the planet. Strippers with one kid vs. strippers with two: a tactical distinction. Why we love feeling superior to those we feel are superior.

Guide to visualization: if you can smell and taste a pencil, you can smell and taste a girl. Turn vapor to ice. The proper use of pheromones ... better for seduction, or better for sex ? Why a girl you know may need remedial sex training, and what she can do to make you want to go “down there.”

The seduction of stench. How collecting your sweat and not bathing can help you pick up girls. Other seduction techniques involve gladiators, Pez, and bisexual weevils ... but what about the morality of it ? What you do with this information is up to you.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, unless the goose is Asian and the gander is white. Why the baseline intelligence of a natural is rather low — who has time to read a book when you can get a blow job in your truck? It's time for a new direction. Did you spot the pun ?

So she laughed at you ? Seduce her sister. Her sister accuses you of trying to seduce her ? Seduce her anyway. But not until you make her pay.

Women want what they can't have, want what belongs to others, want to be told what to do. Walk out on your girlfriend and she'll chase you; stay, and she'll start arguments with you so you can show her your indifference. In other words, handle interloping fuckheads with aplomb, or be a pimple on a pig's ass.

The seduction techniques of a great kisser: kiss her like she's the most important person in the world, after hypnotizing her with a voodoo dildo.

If you're looking a girlfriend who smells bad, dresses poorly, and looks dirty, you won't have to look very far. Always be the driver, never the passenger — but it's okay to be the cat who swallowed the canary, especially when you're grabbing her ass to get her attention while she's with her boyfriend.

Get in the friend zone. Take all the power. Arouse passions ... covertly. The female mind won't be able to process it.

If you think twelve weeks of monogamy is outrageous, don't back down. She may go as low as six.

Men love to be told what to do. Want to make love to her? “Quotesify” it.

They don't care how good you smell in the promised land.

Reel them in with romance, keep them aroused with mustache twisting dastardliness.

Get your subscription to the Pick Up Times. For the benefit of mankind.

What is she going to look like when she's 70 ? More importantly, why can't she resist guys with a Masculine pole ?

Let her know that she's a mature adult and that she has to blow you. Away. How to say anything to anyone.

That 6'3 model you're living with? The one you just met three weeks ago? The one that lets you have sex with other women when you're bored? You may be smothering her.

Clifford runs with a dangerous crowd. The seduction techniques of a sexual maniac. Never pay for clothes again.