On Writing a Blog like this

I am re-reading The Game.

I have read the book for the first time over a year ago. It is a strange experience to read a book for a second or third time. I have read the entire Old Testament three times, two times in the original Hebrew. I have read 1984 several times, Brave New World twice, the works of Mircea Eliade multiple times, Lolita three or four times. Other than that, I usually only read a book once. Of all my possessions, the only ones that I have carried with me from Boston to Florida, and which i have had for over 20 years are my collection of books. I think I have about 4 or 5 thousand, not including the ones my brother adopted or that are still in storage in my parents' garage. Oh! Yes, I have forgotten, I have several vintage watches which i have owned that long, too. It is a strange experience to re-read a book. The memories you have of what is written in it do not always match what you find when you read it again. My impression of The Game the first time I read it was that it was a manifesto about helping men build confidence and not a guide for picking up women. I got to page 181, and I raelize that the book is not about seducing women, it is about friendship. It is about male-male heterosexual friendship. Reading page 192 is strange. I do not remember this part, it is a very intimate description of a depressive episode experienced by Mystery. This is the same Mystery I have viewed on hours of videos I downloaded through torrents. This is the same Mystery whose book I am reading and whose wisdom and brilliance I now revere. He is someone whom I feel I know even though we have never met, and now I am reading about an intimate episode which occured to him over 5 years ago, which, because I am reading it now seems as if it is happening in the present. What is Style do? He wrote personally about his friend. I feel like I am peeking in to the bedroom of someone famous. It is a private moment happening to real people years ago, and Neil allows me to peek inside.

I always wanted to be a writer. I always have had passages paragraphs float in my head, but I never get beyond a few pages of this or that story. The only written things I ever completed were some papers for school, my dissertation, a story I wrote when I was 16, and professional reports. I have been to Cuba, have been initiated into Santeria, have lived in a Zen buddhist temple and there studied martial arts, I rode cross country, from NY to Los Angeles and then back on a motorcycle, when I was 21, and wrote about none of those experiences. And then the thing which finally inspires me to write daily is my interest and study of the Vensuian arts. I rationalize this new addiction saying it is a modern from of the noble Greek school of Epicureanism, where pleasure is the highest value and fraternal friendship is the greatest good. I read the passages in The game where Style talks about the paradox of lacking commitment to a lifestyle which adores a lack of commitment. Yet, I find a strange pleasure, a feeling of accomplishment at having written almost daily in a blog on this site. Cliff is famous. He is mentioned in The Game. He has been in the community for years, while I was floundering around trying to invent the wheel independantly. For all my intelligence and for all the social psychology books, and NLP I have read, I lacked that insight and brilliance that Mystery has to develop his brilliant system. During that NLP seminar taught By Grinder and Delozier which i attended in 1989, I f-closed two girls who were also in the seminar, but, like someone who wins a world class chess match and then never improves his game, or continues to play only as an amateur, I continued on, until recently. Has every strategy book on game and PUA already been written? Sure, now all teh MPUAs each have their own website and are marketing their books and vids and seminars, and I have come too late to this community to be famous. Yes, I am like all those other PUAs who want female attention and admiration from other men. I admit that frailty. I want recognition for becoming skilled with this subtle (not so subtle) form of interpersonal and social hacking.