FR: Response to rejection
I kind of like this girl, and things were going great. She stayed at mine last night, and although nothing had happened yet I was sure by agreeing to sleep at me I would be in for a fun night. I used kino
, micro-escalation, and all that kind of stuff, but then got rejected. The girl said it would induce 'too much drama', because her best friend used to like me (key word - used). What do I do now? Should I give up and move on? Or do I keep trying. Now that I have tried it anything more I do will surely look needy and try-hard!
How should I go about this?
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How to respond to rejection
First, reframe rejection to something else. Rejection means you need to feel rejected, less-than, dejected, and bad. If you think of it merely as trial-and-error, and experience, it is no longer rejection. It is just one more experience from which to learn.
Problem number one with the situation you described is that you "kind of like this girl". Showing too much interest is a sure way to get flaked. Why? Because if you show that you like her, you have given her higher value, lessened yoru valued and given her power over the situation. To create attraction, you need to communicate that at any time she is about to lose you, and that you might walk away, and that SHE has to work to keep YOU interested.
Next mistake: You went on an evening date. WHY? So that you could be like any other guy and spend money on her and show her interest so that by the end of the night she could feel better about herself by blowing you off? I like the stuff that Brad P and Wygant say about not going on an evening date, but taking the girl along with you when you do things that interest you during the day.
Next: Women love drama. No matter what they actually say, interpersonal drama is like crack to them. Gossip, stories about the lives of other people, anything interpersonal they love. She was flinging shit-tests at you. She was trying to see how you would react. By trying to hit on her on this date, instead of first establishing comfort, you acted exactly as she probably imagined and predicted you and any and every other guy would behave on a date with her.
What if you did something different? Some of that stuff about escalating kino
is good for a club pick up situation where you might not ever have another chance to see that woman and you want to create interest in a short amount of time. From what you hinted, this girl is someone who is part of yoru larger social circle, so, why rush things? What if you took her on a daytime-date, did not hit on her at all, let her wonder why you were not like every other guy, and instead worked on establish enough comfort, but avoiding being put in the LJBF
s (let's just be friends) position oby verbally sexualizing the conversation, and using light kino
but not pushing it too far. If she feels comfortable, she would go out again, and you would be able to push it further then. I think impatience and focusing on your attraction to her is what blew it for you.
Some mPUA
said that it is better to look for the next target
rather than try to fix a broken situation. I agree somewhat, but, it is obvious you are in learning mode. My suggestion is to take her out on a day-date. Take her food shopping with you, or make her tag along while you do your daily errands, and end the date with eating. Show mild disinterest. Make her work to get your attention instead of trying so hard to get hers.
Keep up the field reports!