You And I Are Going To Get Down And Dirty

From the dawn of time, men have struggled with their Yin and Yang, their Dr. Jekyll versus their Mr. Hyde, their Id versus their Superego.

It is the fine balance of being “The Nice Guy That Doesn’t Get Laid” and being “The Asshole That Gets Tons Of Pussy Despite The Fact That He’s A Complete Jerk And We Really Don’t Understand Why Girls Like It.”

The answer to this question has been the most elusive since “How do they salt the peanuts inside the shell ?” For millions of years, good, well-meaning dudes have fallen straight into what we in the community call the “Let’s Just Be Friends” zone (or, more popularly, the LJBF zone.)

And all the while, the arrogant bad boys are getting all the chicks.

“What gives ?” we ask ourselves. “I don’t want to have to be a jerk to get laid ! It just isn’t me !”

Luckily, I’ve got news for you: the bad boys aren’t getting chicks because they’re jerks. They’re getting chicks because they know what they want and they go for it.

Which makes them jerks.

Allow me to explain: while everyone is attracted to different types of people (I, for instance, have a weakness for tall, attractive, buxom blondes), we are all prone to specific biological imperatives.

We all are still human and we all need to mate.

It doesn’t matter if we men like blondes or Asians or girls with one arm, all women still affect us in a way that men don’t. A highly respected colleague of mine in the Seduction Community often asks if his students would willingly receive a blowjob from a fat girl in a dark room if no one would ever find out. And you know what ? Almost every one of them says they would, myself included.

This just goes to show that even though we have these preferences that we create for one reason or another, we still have biological urges that we need to fulfill.

The reason I bring this up is because it works for women in the same way that it works for us men. Even if women think Brad Pitt is the only man for them, they’re still going to be biologically driven to reproduce, and so they’re going to respond to the same stimuli that they have for millions of years, even if they’re not coming from Brad Pitt.

This being said, one of the things that women have no choice but to be attracted to is dominance. A man who knows what he wants and is not afraid to take it flips her Confidence, Leadership, Authority and Popularity attraction switches (Credit to New York Times best selling author Neil Strauss for discovering the attraction switches).

She mates based on her biological need to survive and replicate, and wants a powerful, confident man sure of the things that he needs and wants to take care of her and her potential offspring. Most of the time, these confident and powerful men take advantage of their strengths, making them arrogant, demanding, and sometimes abusive. These are merely side effects of power and are in no way prerequisites to getting laid.

It’s important to understand that these guys aren’t getting laid because they’re assholes, they’re assholes because they’re getting laid.

So, how do we turn this into success for us ?

When you open a set (a group of one or more people), you have to pick a target that you want to seduce. If you’re opening a one-set (one girl), the target (the girl you're attracted to) is going to be pretty obvious, but in larger sets (two-sets, three-sets, etc.) you’re going to have to establish in your own mind who it is that you want to seduce.

Go ahead and appeal to your most carnal desires.

Do you want the feisty redhead or the skinny brunette ? Is that 5’1” blonde stirring your inner sex god, or are you more into the chick with bright pink hair ?

Either way, you’ve got to make the conscious choice of which girl turns you on the most and decide to get her. You can’t get something you haven’t decided you want, plain and simple. Your target might change later on, but gaming a set without choosing a target is like going to the grocery store without knowing what you want.

This is your first opportunity to fall into the LJBF zone, and is the easiest to avoid because it’s entirely up to you.

After you’ve decided you want to seduce her, you should keep that in the back of your mind at all times.

Most of us have spoken with a girl (attractive or otherwise) that we are sure wants to roll around in the hay with us, and it is very apparent that dick is on her mind. Everything she says has an undertone of “I want that dick,” and sometimes it can actually be quite distracting.

Now, imagine we are women (whose emotional intelligence is about four times more perceptive than ours) and we’re talking to a gorgeous guy that is interested in us and our passions, but who is clearly thinking, “You and I are going to get down and dirty.”

This will do something interesting that you may notice right away in your first few interactions: it will sexually charge the conversation and make it apparent to her that you are a sexual being. Though you’re still talking about your interests and telling her your DHV stories (stories that display higher value and show that you’re “a catch”), you are adding an element of dominance and sexuality that will stop her from thinking you’re just a “nice guy.”

David Deida writes in his amazing book Way of the Superior Man, “You’ve got to play the masculine role if you want your woman to play the feminine.” What he means is that you are a man, and you are on this planet to desire women and reproduce with them. They are women and want to be taken by you. They want to feel your masculine energy, which only you can offer them.

Every woman dreams about that “movie moment” where that amazing guy she meets sweeps her off her feet and displays his intentions with a perfect, well-timed kiss.

Maybe they met on the train, or at a club, or he stopped to help her pick up her spilled groceries. In any case, they share romantic, sexually charged interactions and they always end up together, kissing somewhere absurd (in the middle of the street, in the rain, etc) ... the point of which is the kiss itself !

This brings us to our last and simplest step to staying out of the LJBF zone.

I’ve given you all sorts of tips today, but the truth about staying out of the friend zone is that if you don’t kiss the chick, you’re not going to be her lover.

If you sense that spark, go for the kill. Life is all a big experiment, so make the move and see what happens.

Yes, you might get rejected, but as Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Cup her cheek in your hands and pull her in with verve and confidence. Kiss, but avoid being sloppy. Nibble and tease the bottom of her lip, but remember this one absolutely vital, essential tip ...

Always, and I mean always, be the one to pull away first. Be the guy in control and neither a slave to your impulses nor your other brain.

You want her chasing you and being the aggressor instead of the other way around.

So there you have it. Avoiding the friend zone is as easy as learning your ABCs.