You Start Doing This, Things Will Start Coming Out Of Your Mouth !
- SashaPUA: How I Defeated Approach Anxiety Forever
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How Do You Know if He's Really Her Boyfriend or Not ... ?
Question:
Carlos, I hope you can help me out here. I met a girl the other day who was hanging out with a guy. She gave me her number, saying that the guy was just a friend. He said she was his girlfriend.
So whom do I believe ? The girl that says they are just friends, or the guy that says they are together ?
Carlos Xuma Answers:
I'll bet you a fair amount of cash that you've run into this one before.
I have a ton of times.
The circumstances are slightly different, but in the end, you want to know if she's “with him” or not.
You go into a bar, or club, or you see an attractive woman in the store that you want to meet, and there's this other guy there. She's not really affectionate towards him, even though he seems to be pretty touchy-feely and attentive.
You might walk up and say hello to her and she acts nice and interested, and introduces her “friend” John to you.
And then he puffs up his chest and acts all possessive, c*ck-blocking you all over the place.
You want to know whom you should believe ?
Neither of them !
Here's what's going on from her perspective:
This guy is a “wannabe.”
He's probably needy and clingy, and doesn't really man-up enough to get her excited and sexually attracted. That's why she says they're just “friends,” even if they're sorta dating.
Sure, she tried dating him a couple times, but lost that lovin' feeling way back when he first started kissing her ass to get her approval.
She just hasn't worked up enough nerve to tell him to hit the freakin' road yet. She wants to let him down easy.
(That, or she's still getting the occasional dinner from him, and doesn't want to kill the Golden Goose.)
Now, here's what's going on from his perspective:
He's invested a lot of money in buying this girl dinners, drinks, and taking her out, and she still hasn't put out. He's only getting a little kissing at the end of the dates, and she always pulls away first ... and then he winds up going home alone.
He's getting frustrated, but he's also convinced he's got some ownership privilege here based on his financial investment.
Am I being cynical ?
Maybe a teeny tiny bit.
But the reality is that when you have two people giving this kind of conflicting story, you know there's more than meets they eye.
If you're in this situation, you have to realize that a woman often dates a guy because he's a BTN.
Better Than Nothing.
It's not evil or manipulative. After all, guys do it, too.
What it means is that she's a serial dater. She doesn't dump the guy she's with until she's got her next one all lined up. Hey, none of that ugly break-up sadness when you can just jump to the next knight in shining armor ...
Look, I say you should call this girl and take her out. I really don't think the other guy realizes he's being a tool. And since you're using superior battlefield strategy, you are going to get the girl.
Again, I usually don't condone “boyfriend destroying” or any of that nonsense ...
But this guy isn't even a boyfriend ... and the saddest part is that he doesn't even know it. You can't be responsible for someone else's delusions, right ?
Here's another little secret that most guys don't know: a woman is often much more open and receptive to being approached when she's around another man.
Why ?
Because she's aware that she'd have to explain herself to her “friend” if she were bitchy to the guy. She's self-conscious and programmed to maintain her “angelic” appearance. Plus, women have a built-in need for validation from men that is almost never being satisfied.
Even by their own boyfriends.
And if you're worried about approaching “attached” women, here's an easy technique to find out right away what the real story is ...
Just walk up to him and say: “Hey, I just had to come over and tell you what a stunning girlfriend you have, man ...”
And everything will play into your hands from there, with no confrontations or ugly shoving and name-calling.
She will glow and get stars in her eyes for you, and he'll have to either thank you ... or confess the blessed truth of his friends-only status.
And if their stories conflict, now you know the real deal.
Remember: real alpha men never have to jealously guard their women from being “stolen,” because she's got to work to keep her prize.
A lot of guys (especially when they get into the community) go on a hardcore streak of approaching loads and loads of girls ... all in a very short amount of time. Some guys will go on a “30 day mission” where they’ll approach 10 women per day. Others will dedicate a certain amount of time each week for approaches over a certain period.
While this can be wonderful for your game (and your sex life,) unfortunately, the ease of approaching women that you acquire during this marathon of activity is likely to fade. Some men, after having wonderful success, are again finding that they are having difficulty approaching women ... often only a few weeks after “defeating” their approach anxiety ! Also, some guys find it hard to stay motivated to find the time to go “sarging” on a regular basis ... and therefore fall back into old habits.
In this article, I will attempt to address the reasons why guys fall back into this frustrating pattern of non-approach ... and set out some recommendations I’ve developed over the past 2 years to minimize the risk of loosing those hard learned skills. Here goes !
Now, what are the reasons that guys who have licked AA would loose their skillset ?
One major reason is simply that guys only make approaches during designated times. So when they decide they don’t have time to “sarge,” they stop approaching, and rapidly loose their new-found skills.
Guys seem to be under the misconception that they have to put time aside to go out there and meet women. Although this may be logical when it comes to, say, doing laundry, it certainly isn't when it comes to approaching women ! You need to set aside a time when you’re allowed to approach women ? When, exactly, are you not allowed ? When was the last time you walked past a sign that said “No approaches please !”
I wouldn’t want to live in that country !
Here’s the thing: if you believe you have to set time aside for something, then it’s easy to fall into a pattern where you believe you haven’t got time to do it !
Furthermore, your success rate is not determined by whether you decided you were going to go “sarging” that day or not. In fact, I’ve always found that the first few approaches I make during the day tend to have the greatest success, as they seem to be the most genuine.
Some guys say, “Oh, I’ll be rusty because I haven’t done an approach lately” Hmm … surely that’s even more reason to do the approach !
The real secret is not to separate “sarging time” from any other time. To be a man of passion that is driven by his desires ! How can you not approach a woman that you truly desire ? What’s the matter with you ? Stop living in fear !
Other popular excuses:
“I’m not sarging today, I have other stuff to do.”
“I don’t have time to approach her.”
“She’s not that hot anyway.”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“She looks busy / bitchy.”
Stop that ! You can approach any woman, any time, any place. It is only in your mind that barriers exist. A huge proportion of guys simply have to get out of that pick up mentality. “We’re going to the club to go meet girls ...” You don’t have to go anywhere to meet girls !
The key is creating opportunities in everyday life situations to meet women.
When you shop for food at the grocery store, do you just get your food and then proceed to the first till to pay ? Forget that ! Look around the store - are there any cute girls ? How far into their shopping are they ? Are they in a rush ? How long until they get to the front ? Try and time it so that you’re behind them in the line-up. Then talk to them ! Personally, I like to make jokes about whatever’s in their basket. If they’ve clearly got ingredients for a romantic dinner for two, I’ll be like, “Hmm, single huh ?” or, “Romantic dinner for one ?” Or if it’s like a bottle of wine and a sandwich, I’ll make fun of that. “Aww, somebody’s a lonely bunny. Do you need a hug ?” Or - “Aww, how sad. Do you need a boyfriend ?” Or whatever comes to mind.
If you go to a restaurant with a friend, do you just take the table that the server gives ? Not me. I’ll check out the whole place and get a seat next to some girls ! Then I’ll start up a chat about what they’d guess is not poisonous, or what’s good if they’ve eaten there before ... whatever !
When you get on the subway, do you just get on the first train, and take the first seat available ? Please ! I’ll try and run along and check out if there are any hotties on the train. Then I’ll go and sit next to them ! If the carriage I’ve chosen doesn’t have any cuties on it, I’ll get off at the next stop, and get on the next carriage … and so on and so forth until I’m in a position to enjoy my journey with the company of a lovely lady ! I’m always looking for opportunities to meet women. But you have to create those opportunities !
Some of the greatest interactions I’ve had were on planes or trains with girls I’ve sat next to. These are fantastic places to start up conversations. You’re sitting right there next to them for hours at a time ! Hint: take it easy and avoid the direct approach on these spots. Getting blown out at the start can make for an awkward journey.
When you’re walking down the street, no matter where you’re going or what you’re doing, if you see a hottie, go and talk to her ! Tell her how you feel. Incorporate into the opener the fact that you’re on your way to something. Blame her for making you late ! It’s her fault for being so hot ... be honest ! What’s stopping you ? “Hey ! You're so hot you made me shit my pants ! You owe me four dollars for new underwear !” … or just tell her the truth. “I’ve go this rule, I talk to the first gorgeous women I see every day – it makes life exciting. Hi, what’s your name ?” Why not ? What, you’re going to be late 5 minutes ? So what ? More excuses !
Personally, I leave a half-hour before I need to, when I go anywhere. Because I know I’ll be late. Make it a habit; give yourself time to chase girls. Worst case, you’ll be somewhere early. It won’t kill you !
So, if you make this a regular life habit you’ll never have to worry about “finding time to game” or “getting rusty,” because you’re never “sarging” and you’ll never get rusty.
This is the transformation you should be aiming for. A complete melding of “the PUA you” and the “real you” … or more like transformation …
A couple of tips for realistically getting to this place I’m speaking of: to some these will seem pretty simple. To some they may seem near impossible. In either case, sticking to these 2 simple rules will guarantee you results. You just have to push yourself and live by them no matter what.
1)Always approach the first gorgeous girl you see every day. There are no exceptions. I don’t care if she’s in her house brushing her teeth. You knock on the glass till she comes and opens the window and you tell her how smoking hot she is. I don’t care if she’s on a bus with 250 people crammed in ... you talk to her.
2)Play hot girl tag. This is a new thing I just came up with the other day. This is the cure for “I don’t have an opener.” Every time you see a girl, you touch her. Period. Believe me ... you start doing this, things will start coming out of your mouth ! Just grab her above the elbow and watch the magic happen. As soon as you see a girl, you walk up to her and touch her. If nothing comes to you, you’ll always have “Tag, you’re it !” You can even explain to them you’re playing “hot girl tag” … they’ll be flattered.
Yes, getting into these habits is tricky at first – and it takes some moxy. But once you start doing it, brother, I’ll tell you what ... it will change your life.
You don't have to set time aside to meet women !
Get the crap out of your head !
Live your life.
You will see pretty girls.
Go and meet to them !
I haven’t gone “gaming” in months. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t approached a beautiful woman. I’m no longer a PUA … I’m just a really, really friendly guy.
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