I'm Already Thinking About Dumping You

A lot has been made over the years about the different “styles” of game: routines versus “natural” game, inner game focus versus outer game focus, direct versus indirect, social circles versus cold approach. Arguments erupt across message boards (keyboard jockeys) and every guru seems to be proclaiming that his way is the “true” and “only way.” Or if not the “only way,” surely the best way.

But while others continually draw distinctions between styles and methods, models and theories, I've been interested in something different: their similarities.

Without getting too philosophical on you guys, it's always seemed evident to me that all of the theorizing and rationalizing is just that ... rationalizing a process (seduction) that is mostly emotional.

The truth is, there are guys out there killing it night after night with routine stacks and canned lines out the ass. There are also guys out there killing it saying whatever the hell they want.

There are guys dominating social circles. There are guys dominating day game.

There are guys who don't escalate physically and get laid. There are guys who practically maul the girl in public and get away with it.

No matter which way you cut it, we've reached a point as a community where if you can name it, somebody's out there doing it and making it work.

Unfortunately, that fact doesn't help the guys not getting laid ... because they're back at square one: what do I need to learn ?

Well, here's my meager attempt to give a starting point ...

Over the last year or so, watching guys with such varying styles and specialties, I was lucky enough to sit and watch literally hours upon hours of in-field footage, as well as watch many of these guys in person night after night.

And at the end of the day, no matter what they were doing, or how they were doing it, they all had three distinct qualities ... all of them ...

1. Rhythm: A lot is made about attraction and comfort, phase shifting, etc. ... whatever you want to call it, the idea that you start at point A (usually opening) and progress to point Z in some order.

What's become abundantly clear to me is that pick up isn't linear ... it's cyclical. It has a rhythm. And every guy who is good, no matter his style or method, has this rhythm.

It's simple. It goes:

Attraction -> Comfort -> Attraction -> Comfort -> Attraction -> Comfort -> etc.

or

Break Rapport -> Establish Rapport -> Break Rapport -> Establish Rapport -> etc.

or

Show Intent -> Build Trust -> Show Intent -> Build Trust -> etc.

or

Banter / Flirt -> Small Talk -> Banter / Flirt -> Small Talk -> Banter / Flirt -> etc.

Insert any method / school / theory into the blanks, but you must go back and forth between the two. Most guys who have been practicing pick up and still do not get results spend way too much time in one or the other. They are either way too comfort heavy (and get friended or flaked on) or they are way too attraction heavy (see: dancing monkey.)

You must strike a balance, and you only find that balance through calibration and experience.

2. Sexuality: Every guy, whether going for same night lays or day game numbers, using routines or not, wears their sexuality on their sleeve. Everything is reframed so that the interaction is seen as a sexual relationship.

For instance: “That's really cool, you work with dolphins for a living,” becomes, “That's really cool, I love girls with awesome jobs.”

“You're obviously trouble, I don't know if I can handle you,” becomes, “You're obviously trouble, we just met and I'm already thinking about dumping you.”

“Do you remember my name ? I'll give you a gold star if you do,” becomes, “Do you remember my name ? You need to know what to scream in bed tonight.”

Etc.

3. Solid Body Language: This goes beyond the simple, “Stand up straight, make eye contact,” type of advice that everybody reads pretty early on. This is more about being physically expressive and communicating well with your body.

Do you stand in one place when you talk ? How animated are you when you tell a story ? Do you integrate your kino into your conversations ?

These are the important things to notice. The best PUAs are never static. They're always moving in one way or another. I don't mean they're running in circles mid-conversation, but their body is constantly expressing their thoughts and emotions ... it's by far the primary mode of communication.