A Simple Revelation, But A Life-Changing One

I am a 33 year old guy who only very recently stood up and became a man. Two years ago, at the end of a three year relationship, my ex screwed me on the property settlement in an uncaring and cruel way. I came out of that relationship bitter but determined to get my love life sorted.

I've been very grateful to the seduction community for the pool of knowledge and the camaraderie. I also have a woman friend in her late 30s who taught me the arts of flirting and vibing.

Since my early 20s, I have known that I was an attractive man, and my professional career (I am a lawyer) meant that I always had girls who were interested in me because of my status. However, this prevented me from getting any game at all. I could rely on two or three girls to have sex with each year by doing very little other than hanging around. Ironically, this is what prevented me from gaining skills in dealing with women and taking control of my life. Also, I was stuck with the girls who chose me, some of whom were psychos.

By way of background, in my teens I was painfully shy, and embarrassed by any kind of interaction with a woman that could at any level be sexual. For example, I remember once holding a girl's bag at a school disco so she could dance with someone else. I remember going bright red when I met an attractive girl and not being able to speak. I had a bad case of social anxiety.

My earlier models of dating consisted of becoming the woman's friend. I did this again and again with awful results. Being reliant on the woman to ramp up to sex gave me a scarcity mentality, because if things were going well, I would do my best not to lose her ... by giving gifts or being the nice, helpful guy. I thought, “If I'm her dream guy, maybe she won't leave me.” Once I was with a girl for six months without any sex because I was a nice guy. Another time, it was nine months.

I am a believer in inner game techniques because I was the opposite of a natural. Some basic insights for me were related to how it was possible to be sexual with a woman very early on in an interaction and how comfortable they were with it. I also realized gaining the skills to approach would give me an attitude of abundance, so that I could choose the woman I wanted. I began to view the approach as something positive for the girl in getting to know me and becoming sexual with me ... not a “con” job to get sex they would not enjoy.

I know that some guys never had problems like I did, and may not be able to relate to how much I needed to work on getting sexual without feeling profound shame and embarrassment. My upbringing was that sex was something evil that men did to women. Realizing that women wanted sex as much as men was a simple revelation, but a life-changing one. I am also astounded at how many men do not approach women, leaving so many more opportunities for men who do.

I am a success story. My current girlfriend is the result of an approach. She has turned out to be a sexy, flirtatious girl and an amazing companion and lover. I've learned to talk dirty with her and to become more confident as a sexual being. I am one of the few guys I know who approached his girlfriend cold.

She absolutely loves to tell the story of how we met. She was at a theatre opening wearing all red. She looked very interesting and the red suggested she was sexually adventurous ... so I went in to talk to her. It was not a perfect approach, but I got her number and we met a few days later. I took the lead, and she followed.

As she knows, I have kept on refining my social skills and playing with the ideas I learned from the seduction community. For her, that has kept me an interesting mate. I find I cannot let my self-development journey go, even after I got what I wanted ... because I have become addicted to getting good with women. My enjoyment of my work and my life in general has improved, too.

NLP