She Bought Me The Drink

The skill of flirting with someone without people around you realizing that you are flirting is an invaluable skill to have in pretty much any setting. When you have mastered this skill, you can not only flirt with several people at the same time and in the same place, but you can build incredibly strong attraction with any girl ... no matter who is around you at the time.

This is truly a very powerful way of flirting. Not only does it allow the girl to feel comfortable and relaxed while flirting with you (since no one else is aware that it’s going on anyway), but it also creates a little “secret world” for you and her. Something that no one else gets to be a part of. It’s your little secret and it ends up building both attraction and rapport at the same time.

There are three major tools that we use for flirting secretively. These are: look, touch and whispering. Here are some thoughts on how to use each one of these tools:

A picture is worth a thousand words, the saying goes. Well guess what, so is a well-placed and well-timed look. There are many ways to use this tool, and I encourage you to experiment with it as much as possible, but I’ll give you a couple of techniques to start out with.

The Complimentary Look

This one is all about timing. It is a look thrown at a girl when certain loaded words come up in conversation.

Let’s say that you are sitting at a table with a bunch of people, and there is one girl on the other side of the table that you want to flirt with. Every time a complimentary word comes up in your conversation, you shoot her a look and a slight smile. It’s quick and discrete, and ideally no one else notices it. Here’s an example from a couple of weeks ago when I was in Las Vegas, sitting in a lounge with four guys and two girls and telling them about my travels in Central-America:

“Oh, I loved it down there. The whole region is (looking at the blonde) so beautiful, just completely amazing (looking back at the rest of the group). We had so much fun, climbing volcanoes, surfing, partying, just having (looking at the blonde) all kinds of amazing adventures together (looking away). There’s nothing I’d rather spend my time doing. Well ... (looking) almost nothing.. (looking away).”

The effect of this ? When we got up to go to the bar a minute later, she came straight over to me and pretty much isolated me from the group.

Sometimes girls will catch on to what you are doing on your first look, and sometimes it takes longer. The better you get at sub-communicating attraction through your eyes, the more efficient this technique will be.

The Lingering Gaze

It is amazing how long you can hold eye contact with someone without the people around you noticing that something is going on. When in conversation with one person in the group, you can easily hold someone else’s gaze for as long as you’d like by simply turning your ear to whoever is talking to you, and looking towards the one you want to connect with.

Remember your small, flirty smile, and see if you can catch her eyes. If she smiles back and holds your gaze, you are pumping up the intensity of your relationship like crazy ... without even talking to her. I’ve several times kissed girls without even having said hi to them, simply by applying this technique. Again, it comes down to what you can sub-communicate with your eyes ... so practice !

You should already be aware of how important it is to use touch in seduction. Without touch, it is very hard to escalate and get anything from your interactions with women. Concealed touching is taking this whole concept a step further. A concealed touch is simply a “loving” touch that the people around you and the girl you’re touching can’t see. It can be something as simple as stroking your hand gently over her lower back as you pass her in a crowded room, tapping your fingers gently on her hand as you stand next to her, or nudging your leg against her under the table as you sit at a dinner.

The main difference between normal touch and concealed touch is simply that you are deliberately hiding it from everyone else, again creating that little secret world for just you and her. Your little secret. And we all know how exciting secret relationships can be, don’t we ?

My friend was grilling me about work. The girl I was interested in was sitting to my left, and because of the angle it was almost impossible for me to use complimentary looks, so instead I was using touch. Every time I was speaking with loaded words, I’d let my leg brush against her.

As my friend started telling the group we were with about how he and I met, I quickly leaned to my right and whispered, “He needs to stop talking soon so you and I can go get a drink and get to know each other a little better.” I then turned back to the group without waiting for a reply, and added to my friend’s story. She pushed her leg against mine under the table, and seconds later she simply took my hand and said to the group, “TJ is buying me a drink, we’ll be back soon.”

She bought me the drink.

A whisper is meant only for the person you’re flirting with. Ideally, the people around you never even see you do it (although it really doesn’t matter if they do). It’s short, to the point and you never wait for a reaction. Some of the power of this technique is actually to not give her an opportunity to reply. You just want to put an idea into her head, or simply give her a compliment that she can’t reply to, and then move on.

In psychology, this technique (not the whispering, but the putting of an idea into someone’s head like this) is called priming, and it is an incredibly powerful tool to influence people and situations. Try it the next time you’re in a group with someone and sitting or standing close to the girl (or boy) that you’re interested in. Simply lean in when the rest of the group is preoccupied with someone else and whisper that they smell good. Then lean back and join in the group’s conversation. See what happens !

If you really want to master this art of establishing open relationships, take a look at my completely free e-book !