She Has To Be A Centerfold Before I’ll Be Interested

To me, one of the biggest blind spots in the seduction community is that it tends to focus on guys who would already naturally be successful: the attractive guy in his early 20s, for example. The guys who are often ignored are the shy guys and nice guys who really suffer in their dating lives.

We have focused on working with shy guys and nice guys and we have a unique take on their situation. I'm going to share with you seven key problems these sorts of men deal with, which will hopefully illuminate these issues for you, too.

They’ll say, “I’m really shy with women and I have a hard time talking to them. But also, a woman has to be really perfect, she has to be really beautiful ... she has to be a centerfold before I’ll be interested in her.”

In other words, a woman has to be perfect or the man is not even interested in talking to her or approaching her. This is sort of a teenage stage of development ... a stage of idealizing women.

I'm not telling you you’re going to need to date women who are fat or ugly, or to whom you’re not attracted, or for whom you need to settle. But I am saying that a shy guy may not have a full picture of what really turns him on with women. Most shy men have so little experience with women in the real world that what they’ve learned about women comes from porn and fantasies ... and neither of these depicts what it is like to interact with a real live woman.

So unfortunately, if those are the only interactions you have had with women, you are locked down in these problems. It becomes a vicious circle.

However, when you get into the real world and have real world experiences with women, you'll see a bigger picture and you'll probably realize that a larger variety of women turn you on than you would think.

A lot of nice guys and shy guys fall in love quickly. Or they inflate their level of attraction to a woman. Or they move too fast with a woman whom they don’t know well.

We’ve had students who, for instance, meet a woman online, and instead of going to meet her for a coffee date or a drink, they plan a six-day cruise somewhere, or some other grandiose and inappropriate thing. They spend way too much time and way too much money on the date.

This type of guy also falls in love super quickly. After two dates they are willing to commit all their time and money to a woman. Often as a result of living in a fantasy world and a lack of real-world experience, they over-commit to a woman because they do not understand what being in a romantic relationship is like.

If a woman doesn’t give exactly the response the shy guy is looking for, he gives up. Shy guys are not used to seducing women. Perhaps they are keyboard jockeys who sit around reading about seduction all day long and are not used to interacting with real live women. They are not used to dealing with resistance, thinking on their feet when talking to a woman, or any of the other skills necessary to seduce a woman. So, they simply give up the moment they get anything they interpret to be resistance.

It is obviously ridiculous to give up so easily. But even worse is that these guys often misinterpret women's signals, and when a woman is shy or showing signs she actually is interested, the shy guy thinks she is not.

And specifically, what that comes down to is that shy guys tend to be either cynical about women or naive about them.

We’ll hear things like, “The sad fact is that all the women I’m attracted to always have boyfriends or are married.” Well, that’s cynical. Or they’ll say, “I met her and she’s utterly perfect and I’m totally in love with her and we’ve been on one date.”

We see this a lot, and they end up either not getting anyone because they’re too cynical, or getting really hurt because they jump in so fast.

Shy guys think their sexual interest in women is hurtful. They tend to think that they’re basically bad people, especially with regards to their sexuality. They also tend to inflate the impact they have on women. Shy guys believe every interaction they have with a woman is going to be disturbing to her in some deep, fundamental way.

We’ve noticed in our work with these shy men that they worry about wrecking a woman's day by approaching or talking to her. I've heard this often: “Well if I ask her out, it will wreck her day. If I say ‘Hi’ to her it will wreck her day. If I make eye contact with her it will wreck her day. If I grab her and kiss her it will wreck her day.”

Everything is on the level of how much it will upset women. That’s this whole idealization / inflation thing that shy men have about their ability to hurt women.

Shy guys often hang out with women they have no chance with in a million, billion years.

I used to do this when I was a shy guy. I remember when I was much younger that I knew a woman who was very religious; very devout, very attractive, and nice to me. So I’d hang out with her all the time and I don’t know what I was thinking, because there’s no way she would have even kissed, much less had sex with, any guy she wasn’t married to. I happen to know she wouldn’t even have had sex when she was married except for procreation. So why on Earth was I hanging out with a woman I had no chance with ? That’s just one of the things that shy guys do.

Instead of pushing things with a woman and getting a clear, accurate gauge of what’s going on, they’d rather keep it vague. This happens with 90% of the nice guys we deal with. They have these women in their system and they have interactions with them and know their names and maybe they hang out as friends, but they’re so afraid to push things and it just stays vague forever. They never get to the place where they find out if she's interested because it’s just too scary.

They often hang out with women hoping that it might become sexual. They hope a miracle will occur and she’ll jump on them and start kissing them. They don’t realize that it’s a man’s job to pursue. Shy men are terrified to take risks with women. They believe that if they take a risk with a woman by trying to kiss her or asking her out that they will be doing something negative to her.