The Underestimated Power Of Touching Her The Right Way

You can tell at what level a man is understanding a concept by what questions he asks. For example, the first question we typically ask is, “What ? What do I do ? What should I do here ? Should I do this or this ? Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

The second question is, “How ? How do I do that ? Give me a step-by-step process so I can understand how to do that.”

The third question might be, “Why ? Why am I doing this again ? I need to understand the concept behind everything so I can really get this and add my own style.” That’s another step up toward a level of mastery.

And the guru’s question is, “When ? When should and when shouldn’t I do this ?” Someone who has mastered a concept only wants to know when to and when not to use it.

So today, I’m going to explain when and how to touch a woman to allow you to get to the space of sexual escalation, attraction and connection very quickly ... and in a real, dynamic kind of way where she feels a lot of trust and comfort with you.

I spent years screwing this up. I was writing it down. I would go through different trial-and-error experiences and figure out the commonalities. It took me about three years to understand the system for touch. What I came up with was, I believe, a powerful way to understand when a woman wants to be touched, where she wants to be touched, and especially how she wants to be touched.

I created a system that you can use right now. Just follow these general rules and by the end of it, you should have some really great understanding of what it means to touch a woman in the right way to attract her sexually.

Touch is the number one reason why guys fall into the friend zone. They just don’t know how to touch a woman.

Some guys say, “Oh, I should touch her sexually all the time.” I disagree. I’ve done that. It doesn’t work.

Some guys say you should wait and take your time, and over a long period build trust and then touch her. I disagree with that, too. That doesn’t always work either.

I think that the best way to do this is to understand what stage you’re at with each woman that you’re talking to, and cater your touch to that stage. There are three major stages. You’ve probably heard this before. Attraction is a stage, rapport is a stage, and seduction is a stage.

Attraction is a stage where you’re curious and you’re building curiosity in the woman. Rapport is the stage where you’re building a connection and you’re making a friendship and you’re building that comfort and trust. Seduction is the sexual stage – the stage that most guys look forward to.

What you want to do is recognize the stage you’re in. This is called seeing the matrix. Seeing the matrix essentially means that when you’re talking to somebody, you can say, “Right now, I’m in the stage of rapport,” or “Right now, I’m in the stage of seduction,” or “I’m in the stage of attraction.”

When you can do that with every conversation you’re in, then you’ll be ready to apply this next concept. This concept is called the One Through Five Guide for Touch because it shifts through different sub-stages. I’ll get to that in a moment.

During the attraction stage, in the very beginning of an interaction, it’s important that you touch her immediately in a light way ... in a very playful, non-intrusive and non-sexual way, usually around the outside of the shoulder. If you’re shaking her hand, you can do that. Or the outside of her arm. You don’t want to go too many other places besides that, but you can actually touch her upper back as well.

You’re going to use what’s called “temporary touch.” Temporary touch is between one and three seconds long. So after you count to three, you take your hand off. If you don’t take your hand off, she will. And if she takes your hand off, you’re screwed. You don’t want that to happen. It’s really hard to backpedal later and make that work out once she takes your hand off. So you don’t want to do that. You want to make sure you know exactly how long to touch.

Right after you meet her and you’re still talking to her and you’re building attraction and bantering and getting her curious about you—what some people would say is demonstrating high value—you’re going to increase the frequency with which you touch, but you're still not letting your hand linger for more than three seconds. So you’ll be touching the same areas, you’ll just be doing it more and more.

Then you’re going to get to the qualifying stage. In the qualifying stage, you’re going to be transitioning between attraction and rapport. You’re going to be getting serious all of the sudden. When you do this, you’re shifting your personality from being playful and light to being a friend and being serious. Whenever you do this, your touch shifts as well. It switches to something called “lingering touch.”

Lingering touch is touch that lasts between three and five seconds. I’d even say you can go as far as eight seconds, but eight seconds is pushing it. In the beginning you can also switch from touching areas like her outer arm and upper back to then touching her lower back for three to five seconds, and also her hands. Sometimes her face in a very light, quick way. But I would stick to hands and lower back as well as the shoulders and the areas you’ve already touched. This opens up a new realm of areas that you can touch on her body.

Now, you haven’t gone sexual yet in any kind of respect, but you will in a bit. So you’re building this strong rapport touch and connection. What’s important during the stage of rapport is that, if you do not touch her, or you don’t touch in the right way or in the right places, then you are going to be building trust, but not building sexual trust ... which means that she won’t feel like she can touch you physically. She’ll feel like she can trust you emotionally, which basically makes you a friend, and which is annoying if you want to be more than just a friend.

So what you’re going to be doing instead is adding this touch constantly throughout the rapport process. Once you get past that, there’s a crucial transition point between rapport and seduction that takes you from being nice and comfortable and touching in a general kind of way, to then switching over to touching in a very sexual way and making that transition very smooth.

It’s too much to go into in this article, but once you make that transition and you’re in seduction, then you have what’s called constant touch. Constant touch is what it sounds like. You touch and you don’t take your hand off. If you want to move from one spot to another spot on her body, you slide your hand from one place to another. If you take your hand off, she’ll look at it as if she’s done something wrong.

It’s sort of like a punishment for people whenever you take steps backward. She’ll feel like she did something bad or wrong and she’ll snap out of it and go, “What am I doing ? I don’t like this guy.” She’ll have all these different triggers that will switch off and make her feel uncomfortable and rejected. You don’t want to do that when you’re in the stage of seduction. You want to keep your hands on.

You sort of have free reign at that point to touch any place that she feels completely comfortable with, and if you go too far, she can let you know and it isn’t going to ruin the interaction because at that point, you’re in the sexual stage anyway, in the seduction stage.

So those are the three different levels of touch. You use three different versions in the first stage of attraction. During the introduction, you use one version of temporary touch, sort of a light version. Then while demonstrating high value, which is the second stage of attraction, you’re going to be using more frequent touch but the same amount of time, the same kind of touch. And then during the qualifying stage, which is the third stage of attraction, you’re going to be using a lot more personal touch and letting it linger a little bit longer and transitioning straight into the next kind of touch, which is lingering touch, between three and five seconds.

So when you first meet her, don’t keep your hand on longer than one to three seconds. After you’ve been talking for a while and you’re making a connection, don’t leave your hand on for less than three seconds and don’t leave it on for longer than five seconds.

Once you’ve transitioned—and that transition point is the hardest part of this whole process—but once you’ve transitioned into seduction, keep your hand constantly on her and you’ll be able to touch her basically anywhere she lets you, which is great.

So check that out. If you have any more questions at all, please comment. I’d love to hear what you think about this.