No Longer True But Used To Be

Many years ago, I was teaching a seminar and someone asked me what I would do if a girl that I wanted had a boyfriend. I suggested that I would simply look for another. He kept pressing me, asking that if she was the only one that would do, how could I get rid of her boyfriend ?

I finally relented and told him, but to this day, I still suggest that if you find yourself in a situation like this, you “look for another.” I think one of the big problems that happens in the world of seduction is deciding that only one person will do instead of casting a wide net. When you cast a wide net, you open up a world of possibilities for yourself and you reduce the pressure, thus letting yourself have a lot more fun.

Still, having tools like the boyfriend destroyer pattern readily available is fun. We may not choose to use them, but it's nice to know that they exist and better still, how to use them. I mean, you never know, right ?

A few years ago, I turned the NLP world and the world of persuasion upside down by revealing 17 of the most negative (and most powerful) patterns of persuasion and influence that exist. Since then, there isn't a week that goes by that I don't get questions about how to use those types of patterns to get even or exact revenge.

I do believe it's helpful to understand how to go on the offensive if need be. After all, martial artists practice for years learning how to defend and attack … all in the hopes that they never have to use it.

So today, let's look at a rather “grey” application of one of these skills ... a strategy called, “no longer true but used to be.”

The way to use this is to elicit something that is no longer true but used to be in the person you want to use it on. And it's actually quite simple to do.

Just come right out and ask them, what's something that is no longer true in your life but used to be? Be ready to give them examples if they can't come up with anything. I usually just continue right on saying, “For example, you know like you used to have a bad habit but you decided one day that you are done with it and you stopped. Do you have something like that ?”

If they don't immediately indicate that they do, go to something like this: “Or, think about a house that you used to live in but you don't anymore. When you think of it, you used to live there so it used to be true … but it's not anymore, correct ?”

When they recall an example, anchor it. (If you don't know how to do anchoring effectively, let me know and perhaps I can do a short tutorial in the near future.)

Fire the anchor to test it and make sure that they immediately feel the same state of no longer true but used to be.

Now comes the fun. I told you that this would be a little bit on the grey side. So at this point, you need to be very clear that what you're doing is the right thing for you to be doing.

I'm not a persuasion cop and is not my job to install your morals.

Let's assume then that you have a situation such as this one… you meet someone that you like and you strike up a conversation. It's flowing along very nicely. They tell you they recently broke up from their boyfriend and that even though they knew they should have done it long ago, it took until just now to be able to do it.

For all practical purposes, it would be really nice if that guy were a dim and distant memory, am I right?

It would be at about that point that you might want to elicit and anchor the no longer true but used to be state.

You could then, in casual conversation, bring up their ex-boyfriend and say something like, “So when you think of your ex, (fire the anchor) does it seem that he is sort of a dim and distant memory ?

You'll be amazed when they look at you, take a deep breath and say something to the order of, “Yeah, it feels like it was long ago.”

You might then suggest that anytime they were to think of that person it would seem as if they are even further in the past and less relevant to what's happening in their lives (while firing the anchor).

I picked a situation like this because if you were to meet someone that had gone through a breakup, and they had some lingering emotion about it, this would almost in an instant wipe it out. Thus, you'd have the person very open and available to you right then and there.

You should be warned not to do this in ways that are irresponsible. For example, don't try to separate a marriage or a seriously committed relationship. But if they decide to split up, and it is permanent, what you've just learned could serve you very well.

I will remind you again that I am not a persuasion cop ! My goal is to help you understand the strategies so that when you feel they are appropriate, you can use them.

Let me know what you think of this. I'd love to hear from you.