I Have To Downgrade You To Semi Hot Girl

I first met HBPorn awhile ago, at a friend's birthday party. I introduce myself to her, and for the rest of the night I barely talk with her, but I have great conversations with everybody else. I keep catching her checking me out.

Like clockwork, she adds me on Facebook a day or two later. She has a hot profile picture (she's a good-looking girl altogether, a bit meaty, but in a good way ... beautiful face). The profile picture shows her wearing leather, so I write her a message saying that I like her damn hot profile picture and nearly popped a blood vessel over it.

We bounce some messages back and forth. I cold-read that she seems like a creative person and is probably in music and visual arts. It's spot-on ... she sings and does films. She asks me whether I'm coming to a mutual friend's birthday party that weekend. I agree.

I find her interesting, but am kind of hesitant to feel attracted to her. Still, she's obviously into me.

The party is at a bar where I arrive at about 11:30 pm. When I come in, she's the very first person who waves at me from the overly crowded table. I am tired as fuck (I worked all day) and slightly depressed (serious trouble with our landlady), but have decided not to let it stop me from having fun.

I walk around, shake hands, pat shoulders. No big fuss for her, I just greet her like everybody else. Then I sit down at another part of the table (only spot I can get), next to my friend HBBurlesque.

After a bit of banter with people, I grab a napkin and pen from the staff desk and start a game of tic-tac-toe with an O. I send it over to HBPorn, who giggles when she receives it.

It comes back pretty soon with her X, we bounce it back and forth until I do a disgracefully stupid move. HBBurlesque writes on the napkin before it goes back to her: “You win! MT Brain sucks !” The girl writes back “Yay !” but I draw a zig zag line through all my circles and write: “I win ... the prize for creativity !”

I “lose interest” in her again, but later on, I come over to where she's sitting and she plays hangman with me next, on the back of the same napkin.

This is the first time I actually get to chat with her, so I start out with “Films, huh ?” I'm still unsure whether I'll be interested in her.

Okay. I'm interested in her.

I showed no special reaction when she said that, but it did throw me a little. I have learned to not speak until I know what to say next, so I just shut the fuck up and talk with her about theater. The conversation proceeds nicely, we cover all kinds of subjects, and her job doing porn is simply just one of them.

We keep talking and I get a bit lost for awhile about how to take it further (make it more physical), and we have some awkward pauses that we only bridge with bringing up a new subject: “Do you like dancing ?”, “How was your week ?”, “What do you do?” I tell her my usual “I'm an ass model,” but add that this line is pretty lame now after hers. I also tell her I'm Japanese when she asks where I'm from.

At some point, she says “I'm gonna get another drink,” but doesn't actually get up to do it (just orders). Whenever she does get up, she always comes back to me soon to keep chatting.

A friend shows up later in the night, and I end up sitting between him and her, which allows me to joke with him and do some funny things like snatching his credit card and dropping it down his cleavage. When he pulls it back out, he starts waving it around and I tell him to get it the fuck outta my face: “Who knows where that's been !” He's a great sport about it and we have a lot of fun.

HBPorn shows me a ring she's wearing. I take it off her middle finger and put it on my pinkie, then me and my friend pull some funny lines about it. I also reach for her necklace and ask her about it. I finally get some kino going: touching her shoulder when I make a point, touching her hands a lot when looking at the ring, or taking it off.

I also tease her a lot, putting my hand in front of her face to shut her up, or turning to my friend and the people next to him. I tell her I'm gonna ignore her, she says, “Yeah ... I'm just a porn star.” It turns out she is incredibly versatile: she sings, makes films, does theater, has done rock climbing before, does porn. I tell her I'm gonna find out something she does not do, and I bring up hairdressing, which she indeed has never done.

Later on, I untie the belt she's wearing and put it on myself. When I leave, I get up and tell her to take her belt back: “All right, undress me.” She does, then I take the belt, stand behind her and put it on her looking over her shoulders. I tell her I can't see exactly what I'm doing because her boobs are in the way, so she presses them flat.

She gives me her number and puts her last name into my phone as “Hot Girl.” I tell her that depending on how she does, I will upgrade her to “Super Hot Girl” or downgrade her to “Okay Girl.”

Text game.

Comments and criticism appreciated ! I may have pushed the poem thing a bit too far, and sexual escalation is still one of my weak points. All around, there's always room for improvement, but I'm happy with myself overall.

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