You're Not A Real Lesbian

I met her last night …

More amour.

It's been 2 years …

I've loved 4 women in my life. 3 of them I was in love with, and 2 of those women were soul mates.

The universe brought me and my soul mate together again.

We met 4 years previously, and I randomly insta-dated her to my friend's birthday breakfast party.

2 years ago she cut ties with me, because when we met she was in the middle of a separation from her husband.

The RSD boys and I go to out to a club, and she is there. Like she said she would be when I met her on the metro 1 hour ago. She warns me that she is a lesbian now and has a GF … she has always been bi.

Shots. I caveman her, place her on my lap. Chat. She spends the night bouncing from her friends to me.

More banter.

More banter.

We talk about the olden days, how we met, and our best moments together. We exit the club, go for a walk, hug, hold, and make out. I wonder if girls that are in relationships with other girls are allowed to make out with guys ?

I try to tell her I want juice and I pull her outside. I try to wave down a cab, but she resists and yells. We walk down the street and talk, and she tries to get me to go into one taxi as she goes in the other. She closes the taxi door on my arm and leg. I give the taxi my address as she is laughing. It drives off and she has the biggest smile on her face. She is swooning.

And I only had 5 hours of solid sleep. Somehow my soul feels rested and absolute, assured that the woman I feel for still has an emotional reaction to me. When we are in the same room it's crazy. I just enjoy her presence and energy in the same room. It makes me smile. We could be in opposite ends of the room and naturally gravitate towards each other.

I did a few approaches this morning and I was more in the zone than I have been in months. The girl kept wanting to shake both my hands and explained she had just moved in with a BF but was in no rush to leave my presence. I don’t even want to call it “the zone” because that makes it sound like an emotional state. But I've come to realize that the zone is perspective. When you have perspective of yourself, life, and emotions, it's like you're able to be very objective about yourself when you step up to that lady … anyways, perspective. Not state.

It's like I approach, and the woman can have piece my attention. But not my heart or mind. I keep a part of me for me, in respect for myself. That part is emotionally unavailable … it's like I'm picking her up, but yet, in the back of my mind she is not a real alternative.

I don’t even think meditation is all that great. I get better results from hypnotherapy. I find the effects of meditation fade 15 minutes after I finish, whereas hypnotherapy is me taking right action to reprogram my life. I feel it's better self help and positive problem solving. I also think truly fixing things in your life can have the same effect. Fixing old relationships, huge stresses in your life, etc. The lasting effect is a glow. A purposeful glow in my opinion.