Opening's Dead

I once had a story that I carried around with me like a lucky penny. This story wasn’t particularly funny or interesting, yet—like magic—it could get almost anyone to talk to me.

It had cost me a socially awkward year of practice and revision to polish this story to that level of charm—and it was well worth the effort, it seemed. The ability to “open” any girl was an investment that far exceeded the bloopers and awkwardness that had afforded it.

I’d spew this story like a traveling salesman, flitting from girl to girl with the “perfect opener.” Women giggled, men cried, and I seemed unstoppable. To my friends and wingmen, it appeared as if I could pickup women faster than a speeding bullet. I was the superman of “opening.”

Unfortunately, the problem—as I later realized—was that “opening” doesn’t lead to sex or romance with women. It only leads to superficial conversations and flaky phone numbers. Despite having the “perfect opener,” I was batting a fat 0 when it came to closing.

In theory, an opener only has one function: to begin a conversation. Sure, you can make yourself feel better by qualifying that function with adjectives like “begin an attractive conversation” or “begin a flirty conversation.” But, ultimately, openers only really lead to one thing: conversations.

And it doesn’t matter if your opener is direct or indirect, funny or serious, canned or “natural.” No matter how you “open,” you’ve bought yourself a one-way ticket to a conversation. That’s because an opener depends on words.

Whenever you open up your mouth to spew words, there’s an implicit assumption that you’re expecting a response in words. Obviously, “opinion openers” betray this assumption flagrantly—baiting a woman to give a “quick female opinion.” However, in a less obvious but equally axiomatic way, any “opener” is setting you up for a verbal response.

And that’s why the entire concept of an “opener” is flawed. Openers were designed to get a woman to respond with words. And guess what: no one’s ever put a condom on to exchange words. If you’re looking to meet, attract, and seduce women, words aren’t going to help you much.

Rather than words, what you want is emotion. Emotion doesn’t “open” women—it turns them on. Guys who spew openers are hoping they get a conversation, whereas guys who can elicit emotions know they’re going to get a girl. That’s because women response to emotions—not words.

Zack once demonstrated this in a moment that’s become an inside joke at Date Hotter Girls. One night, we were out and Zack met an Italian tourist by grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into him. The girl was furious. Enraged, she cursed at Zack in at least two different languages.

Quickly, Zack calmed her down enough to take her number. Later that night, Zack’s phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with text messages from this girl. In her broken English, she begged Zack to meet her back at her hotel that night. At one point Zack turned the phone to me so I could read the text: “The way you grabbed me got me wet!!!”

Zack looked at me with a toothy smile, nodded his head, and snarled, “That’s the text players get!” While Zack will never live that hilariously cheesy moment down, the sentiment was dead-on. There are certain responses regular guys get, and then there are responses players get. Girls telling you that you got them wet certainly qualify as the latter.

Now, I’m well aware that starting a conversation with a hot girl is a daunting task, so telling you to immediately get her emotional probably sounds like a Herculean feat. The truth, however, is that it’s actually easier. Getting a woman to respond emotionally can be as simple as tapping her on the shoulder, holding strong eye contact with her, stepping in her way, or even just joking around or teasing her.

The emphasis shifts from “what to say” to “how she feels.” As long as you get a woman feeling something you win (even if it’s a negative emotion, as in the case of Zack). If you can get a woman emotional using words, great. Do it. There’s nothing inherently wrong about beginning an interaction with words; the “wrongness” lies in the intent.

Are you trying for a conversation or are you trying for emotions? I can tell you from extensive research: conversations lead nowhere and emotions lead to the bedroom. Plain and simple.

I don’t mean to sound polemical, trying to convince you that “everything you know about women is wrong.” But chances are that everything you know about beginning an interaction with women is wrong.

If getting women emotional isn’t your primary objective, you’re severely handicapping yourself. Most of the problems you’re probably experiencing in your pickup attempts probably stem from this fundamental mistake.

Begin your interactions with women on the right foot. Start with the right foundation. Even if you knew the perfect opener—which I once did—it wouldn’t help you actually attract women. It’d only help you get conversations.

If you’re playing this game to meet, attract, and seduce women, reexamine your intentions. Ditch the opener.