One is the Shy-but-Good-Hearted Guy
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- Steve P: White Tiger Tantra Healing Session
- SIN: How to Master Body Language
- Etienne Charland: Abundance vs. Scarcity
- Review: Race & Kelly's Window Shopping for Women e-Book
... then this program is for you. I've designed it to help you understand and uncover how the experiences in your life shape you, and how you can share those experiences with anyone you meet. Storytelling has been used for millennia as a way to preserve history, to captivate and connect, and to pass down lessons. Personal storytelling takes the art of the storyteller a step further: it shows you how to share your own personal experiences with others in ways that are attractive, funny, moving, and revealing. Learn to attract the women you want consistently, authentically, and magnetically by being yourself. DJ is now entering his 5th year teaching his respected storytelling program. In the past, DJ taught alongside the best social artists in the world, including Mystery and Neil Strauss at his Stylelife Academy. The program spans 3 days and will be held March 6th - 8th in New York City. All of the details of the program are on the website except the March dates and pricing, so before you head over there please note: you must email me for pricing and registration. The program is being promoted only internally, so the cost is far less than what is advertised on the site ... with a special discount for Cliff's readers. www.storytellingforguys.com So after you check out the site, email me at coachdj@gmail.com for all the details.
community. All underwent their remarkable transformations into masters of the game from the hypnosis and training delivered by none other than Steve P., the ultimate inner game specialist. Now Steve P. is making his unique training available on a very select basis to a few individuals. Steve is booked up most of the time, and coordinating schedules can be challenging. Those of you in Canada should note that he will be in Montreal from February 18 to March 2, 2009, and will also be taking appointments for sessions during that time. For more information, please contact him at: thetranceworks@hotmail.com
Finding the Perfect Wingman
Two years ago, I was curious about what PUAs were doing. My mission was to visit a few PUA groups and discover how PUAs were treating each other behaviorally, and what was the state-of-their-art in dating. Bottom line, I wanted to see if real community existed, and what PUAs could do with women. In my search for a PUA community, my heart was broken ! Some guys may think the Social Arts are about solo work in the field. A Social Artist can live his entire life and work alone in the field, but that's only one choice.
When you bring together minds focused on achieving a common goal like meeting beautiful women, new possibilities are opened. Men usually go it alone in the world of dating. How often do men really support each other in their social success ? To really understand the possibilities of group work, we have to look at the world through women's eyes. One major source of female power that many men usually never share with each other is tapping into the group mind when faced with dating challenges. Women place no such limitations on their dating lives.
When you visit social venues (clubs, bars, or lounges) or attend social events (parties or cultural celebrations) attractive women are always in groups of two or more. Women not only enjoy, but draw power and strength from, being part of social groups. Even virtual television social groups like “The View” or “Oprah” women love and draw power from in dealing with dating problems. In the field, women have another female brain to help manage social dynamics while they play with men like toys. Women can place a friend in the line of fire and watch how a guy handles having to talk with someone new. This common “female social tactic” provides a woman with both the time and space to study a man without pressure on her. She can consult with someone else in real time. “What do you think about this guy ?” Going out is fun for women, because they bring so much more into the field.
Even guys who go into the field with friends usually get drunk, or they wastefully compete with each other. Without the knowledge of Social Arts and a plan, male friends usually play the dating game on a conventional level while women run circles around them. There are so many advantages to having a pool of men with Social Artist tools as your wingmen in the field. Why are most groups not meeting this need ?
When I went to visit lairs and wing groups I found the following:
Groups had no intention of making newcomers feel welcome. I tested my first experience by returning many times to see if it was just a fluke. To my disappointment, it was the standard. When I had a phone conversation with the leader and organizer of one group, I discovered that making people feel unwelcome was intentional. To quote him, “Well, we don’t want too many AFCs in the group, because that would bring the group quality down.” His statement made it easy for me to understand that their group had no technology of changing people, had no clue about training methodology, and all they could do was copy the creative work of others. If PUA groups did have solid knowledge, they would welcome anyone into their group because they could provide answers.
Hyper-Cools and Silent Joes
There were two common limiting extremes in how guys in PUA groups related to one another. The first were the “hyper-cools,” trying to be “alpha males” (a term I coined over 15 years ago and introduced into popular culture.) My stomach still turns because most men in the PUA world have little clue as to why I created the term “alpha male,” and how the missing concepts behind the term have hurt and limited their success with women. Inside a wingman group, guys should spend their time meeting other guys with whom they can go into the field. How can impressing other guys in your group with your coolness help in the field with women ? Talking to the person sitting next to you and exchanging an email address with them gives you wingman options.
You are not looking for your best friend. You are looking for a warm body that can use the tools of a social artist. It’s about the tools, not the guy. If it’s about the guy, that means many of you have engaged in a very expensive joke, because you are telling your brain the Social Artist tools are meaningless. If it matters what the guy looks like, whether he fits your social groups, or what his level of “coolness” is, then the tools have no value in influencing the female mind. This also means stop wasting your time, money and energy on the Social Arts, and just get better looking. Being good with women is either about the tools, or it’s about all the conventional stuff (physical looks, money, or luck.)
The other extreme are the “Silent Joes,” who have the balls to show up, but don’t reach out and meet other guys. They have an opportunity to meet another warm body with whom they can go into the field to meet women. Being in a group of other guys gives everyone a safe opportunity to talk to others and experiment with different methods of talking to others. When you go into the field, other men will be around, and any successful Social Artist will have to deal with it. Many times in the field, I am talking to a woman and she ends up introducing me to her boyfriend. I make the guy a friend. Then I make them both my allies in helping me meet other groups. What better safe place to learn how to handle groups then in a wingman group ?
Show Up and wing
The last problem is that men just don’t show up ! I have seen groups display memberships of two hundred or more. When meetings are scheduled, only 25 people show up ! Going to large membership groups, I imagined walking into banquet halls filled with guys united around the common goal of meeting beautiful women. Now, I understand that hundreds showing up to anything about PUA dating is just fantasy. If I were a guy who loved beautiful women, I would kick down doors to be around other guys who have the same drive. When I am around guys who want to master the art of meeting and seducing women, my creative juices just flow !
Even after attending really bad wing group meetings run by others, the outcome was the same for me. I would go out into the field that same day and have amazing adventures with women ! Bottom line, if you don’t have two to four women that you are bringing into your sexual stable, something is wrong ! You need to spend time with a group of guys that are interested in being great with women.
A Wingman is Not Your Friend ?
We “like” our friends, and we conform to their perceptions because we “like” them. The primitive tribal mind that all humans own is driven to be around people we “like.” We “like” others based on two factors, the first being that we identify with some aspect of them and / or we have pleasurable associations with them. Most humans strongly identify with and “like” the people in their communities (village, town, neighborhood.) Community driven “liking” is a combination of both proximity and familiarity-based biases. Because you live or work around the same faces day after day, you will “like” those people more than strangers. The second factor for “liking” is when someone gets others to feel pleasure or receive rewards in their presence. If someone tells jokes and people usually laugh in their presence, then people will “like” that person. It’s both pleasurable and rewarding to laugh at humor.
So powerful is the “liking” drive that we will avoid people that activate the “anti-liking” drive, even if they could enrich our lives. We carry this brain based bias toward “liking” others into our process for finding a wingman. The liking bias is the major reason that so few men have a trained wingman by their sides when meeting women. I have seen it in so many other groups. People come to meetings and they don’t search for the ones with the highest level of skill. They look for others who look like they do, or whom they believe they will “like.” Even now, a part of you is asking, “How can I wing with someone that I don’t like ?”
Conventional Culture Mind Trap
The “Buddy Wingman” is reinforced by pop culture mythology. In countless movies, you see college buddies or work buddies going out to the bar or club to meet women. One is the good-looking guy, one is the fat-but-funny guy, one is the shy-but-good-hearted guy, and so on. You get the picture. One of the buddies, after being pumped up by the others, is made to make a lone approach to some hot woman they all desire. You have seen it countless times. He downs his drink, gets up, walks up to the woman, states some lame pick-up line, then she throws her drink in his face. The guy walks back to his buddies dripping wet, they laugh, and then we cut to seeing the guys walking home drunk and patting each other on the backs.
The New Vision For Social Artists
You feel good because you are looking good and you have something that your competition does not have in their social armory. You can “open” and “thread conversations” with women, plus you have someone at your side that is capable of doing the same. It’s going to be a good night for everyone, because no one has to open alone. You are with someone who sees you as more than an average man. He sees you as a Social Artist. Someone who is socially capable, and will put him in the situations that make connecting with and seducing women easy. He knows that belonging to the same peer group (club) means you will reciprocate the same for him.
Both Social Artists approach together, or use wing-in-action support tactics so that approaches result in solid victories for the wing team. Women laugh with them, enjoy the experience of their conversations, and feel comfortable with their leads into more physical communication.
The night ends with a pocket full of female phone numbers, and maybe a few business contacts. If you have developed the skills, the wing team parts ways, each with a woman on his arm. What would surprise everyone and yourself, you only met your wingman a few hours ago. Now, this is someone you “like” because he brings a stream of hot women into your life and great social experiences that you remember. Many men will discover, as their social skills increase, their business achievements rocket to new levels.
See you in the field.
How to Master Body Language
The other night I was sitting in a corner booth with two girls at my favorite restaurant, when the subject of body language came up. Trying to explain the nuts and bolts of this unwieldy, seemingly esoteric art of non-verbal communication to the both of them (in the most digestible way I could manage) I uncovered my best frame for transmitting it to others / all of you ... so you can learn to master the subtle art, too.
Basic Concepts:
1.Non-verbal communication makes up about 70% of all communication (which makes that 30% verbal communication seem almost worthless.) Of course, we still have to talk when the right time presents itself, but so much more value is being unconsciously perceived through non-verbal cues while you do the talking.
2. Body language doesn't just happen, but it's reflected in everybody else around you. Ever know when somebody is approaching you from behind by seeing the body language / expression of the person you're talking to before you turn around ? Well, body language travels much faster than that. Actually, it travels in a fraction of a second. Any perceived event causes changes in body language. A perceived change in body language causes a change in body language. And so on. What you may find interesting is that in the old days of programming sports video games, they used to put the basketball shooter in a sensor suit for human motion detection to monitor every motion he made when shooting baskets (for example: a jump shot.) Now they put all the players on the basketball court in sensor suits (not just the shooter.) The reason: when an action (such as shooting a basket) is done, it affects everybody on the basketball court. These changes could be the facing / alignment of their bodies, the direction of their feet, their emotions / dismay at losing or scoring points, etc. The point here is, you wouldn't even have to see the ball hit the basket. You'd know it instantaneously by the anguish on your teammate's face, etc. So realize that when you're in a bar or some other closed setting, your movements (no matter how subtle / seen / unseen) are affecting those around you (including your target.)
Advanced Concepts:
1. First, you must see beyond individual body movements as an answer within themselves. What I mean here is that "blinking eyes" when someone talks may or may not be an indication of lying. A "nervous twitch" may or may not be "nervous." Do you get what I'm saying here ? Reading body language accurately has to do with "situation" more than actual "body movement." As you get to know someone, it is the cumulative comparison of situation vs. irregular body movements that allows for an accurate read. For example, if you were to ask the girl of your dreams, "Do you trust me ?" and her eyes looked downward and to the corner first before responding, you might think that no, she doesn't. But you can't yet be 100% certain that this is an accurate reading, due to some unknown circumstance that you can't account for. So you might want to ask another question to ascertain the truth. These extra questions may make you look like an idiot or someone who can't hear first answers correctly, but they are vital to learning how to read people. So now you ask, "Have you trusted all of your other boyfriends ?" Her eyes now dart downward and to the corner. She lies and says, "Sure." But her looking downward and to the corner on a question not concerning you may indicate that she has been hurt in the past for trusting, and she is just having trust issues. You still don't know for sure yet. So you ask another question, and another, until you weed out the truth by comparing body language vs. situation.
2. Second, you must realize that we have limited choices. We are not the infinite, unique animals that we think we are. In fact, we are quite predictable. It is by accepting this frame that you will be able to narrow body language down to patterns of limited choices and reveal hidden motivations more easily. We want to think that we have an unlimited range of possible reactions to any given situation, but this is untrue. You say: "I just got promoted at my job !" Acceptable body language / reactions to hearing this would be: a) excitement, b) lifting of his or her facial expression, c) a smile, d) a high-five, etc. Unacceptable body language might be: a) a shrug, b) lack of excitement, c) scratching his or her head, etc. Indiscernible body language might be: a) a slight nod, b) a pause, etc. But the key here with this example is that there are a finite number of possible reactions.
For example, try asking someone if they have lied to you. There is the a) "
Remember that all of your calibration is surmised through your interpretation of post-body language / in-field game play. Factoring in the concepts above will help you narrow and more accurately assess situations properly. Accurate calibration is critical to your next round / level of game. Body language is pivotal in unlocking your future success ! Good luck !
Abundance vs. Scarcity
Question: "How would you define the difference between ideas coming from a state of abundance vs. ideas coming from a state of scarcity ? Or how do you define ideas that are about getting vs. ideas that are about giving ?"
Do you believe in freedom of thoughts ? You live in a free country, you are free to think whatever you want. You are free to take any measures necessary to defend yourself, and you are free to smoke. Wait ! You feel like defending yourself because you feel vulnerable. You're being driven by your fears, like most people. You are free to smoke, but then you can't live without it. It has taken power over your own life and freedom. You are free to think and decide whatever you want, but it all comes from your feelings: your passions, your fears, your values, your instinct, and your addictions. Knowing that all your thoughts, ideas and actions come from your feelings, it's good to ask yourself from which feelings they come.
Let's say you are in a bar and walk over to the other side of the room to talk to a girl. From what state of mind does it come ? It comes from the reality that you don't have an over-abundance of women. You are interested in that girl because you want to fill the void, so you put all your attention on her and go out of your way to talk to her, to confirm that this is your reality. And guess what ? Acting from a mindset of lack brings you more lack, because she won't be interested in you ! But that's your current reality, and you're working on it you say ? There's a point where you'll have to stop confirming your limited reality and start rewriting your story.
Now let's say you go to the bar and casually talk to the people around you, to cute girls and to guys. Girls flirt with you, stay around and keep conversations going. You enjoy it, but don't really give a shit. You tell yourself, "same old, same old." That comes from a state of mind that you have plenty of women already. Being so detached confirms that this is your reality and girls want to be with you.
About getting vs. giving, it comes back to the lack vs. abundance mindsets. When you act from a reality of scarcity, you automatically try to fill your void by "trying" to get money, love, sex, validation and security from others. On the other hand, when you behave out of a reality of over-abundance, you don't really care about what you get because you have plenty, so you shift your focus onto how you can bring money, love, sex, validation and security into other people's realities, and things come back even more to you.
As an example, a guy asked me how he could pay back for all the advice I gave him by email. I told him that since I have a full-time job already, 50$ wouldn't make much difference to me, so he could just give me his mental support and positive vibes. In a world where everybody is trying to get as much money as they can (lack mindset,) that makes a contrast and builds trust. If I build the same trust with lots of people and want to launch a project or product that really brings lots of value to others, it will be much easier and things will just happen effortlessly.
In other words, when you behave out of a state of mind of abundance, you don't care about collecting small money here and there. You can give as much as you want. All you care about is setting up a process or structure through which you can give massive value and receive financial abundance back. That's a much more effective approach for anything in life.
Reviewed by Saprian
Want to make the best of Facebook and online dating ? Read Saprian's review of the Window Shopping for Women e-Book by Race & Kelly: www.cliffslist.com/reviews/window-shopping-for-women-ebook-by-race-and-kelly
, the technology of the mind (inner game.) Merlin is going to ask for volunteers from the audience to demonstrate personal change / inner game. Club members will finally experience what “Real Change” should look like, sound like, act like, and feel like. If you want to see real NLP first hand, be there ! anewbandofbrothers.com
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