Better Kiss the Poor Girl

Earlier tonight I was on a coaching call with a guy discussing the finer points of how women test men. Recently, he had taken a woman he has just started getting to know to the movies.

Now while I generally don’t recommend movie dates with women we barely know yet, I have to give the guy kudos for having a very set plan in this situation … especially since this was the third or fourth day and not the first. Since both he and she work odd hours, he took her to the last show on a Monday night ... of a movie that is nearing the end of its run in theatres.

You guessed it … it was an empty theatre. They could laugh and joke all they wanted to without disturbing anyone else. If there’s any potential upside to the dreaded “dark silence” movie date, my man had found it.

But that’s not to say everything went off without a hitch. In fact, the guy (in his own words) was confronted with a pretty serious “test” right as he and the woman entered the theatre. As he motioned to her that they would be sitting right in the middle of the theatre, she continued to bolt up the steps to the very top row. Planting herself in the center seat at the very top, she said, “No way. You need to come up here. This is where I always sit.”

Immediately our hero felt a “power struggle” brewing. To “give in” and go sit with her would theoretically mean “giving his power away” on a silver platter. And in his mind, that would mean “failing the test.”

But then again, he recognized that standing his ground could produce even more disastrous results. After all, what kind of narrow-minded jerkwad would stand there like a kindergartner throwing a tantrum until the woman relented ?

Man … how many times have all of us as men found ourselves in the midst of a tricky situation like that ? Granted, most “normal” AFC-types would simply shake their heads and go join the woman on the top row. Meanwhile, just about every guy who has ever read any advice at all from the Seduction Community would immediately cringe at the thought of “giving in to a woman’s tests” like that.

So what’s the deal ? How does a guy “pass the test” in such a scenario as this ?

Well, here’s a potential solution that you may have never considered before.

That’s because what I’m about to share with you is nothing short of contrary to every thought process we as guys tend to favor.

You see, when women “test” us, their intentions may be very different from what we as men perceive them to be.

First of all, bear in mind that the whole idea of “competition” is one that’s favored by the male psyche. We love winning and hate losing. For sure, one of the greatest insults one dude can hand another is to call him a “loser.”

So when faced with a “test”, we read it as a “competition.” And as we all know, getting “beat by a girl” sucks. This way of thinking first rears its ugly head when we consider approaching a woman, of course. But unfortunately, it tends to stick around long past its welcome in the form of overblown “fight or flight” responses to simple tests from women.

But the reality of the situation is that when a woman tests you, she may not be looking to “win.”

That’s right … her tests might not be about “power struggles” at all … at least, not to her.

They only become that when we as guys decide they are, and lead accordingly.

So what, then, is her friggin’ point ?

Well, to answer that, let’s get down to the basics of what makes women feel attraction toward you. Can you express natural masculinity as a man who has a plan, and who remains calm, cool and collected whatever comes up ? Further, are you confident in your plan, and with your decisions associated with it ?

Plus, you can bet she’s wondering if you know how to have any fun, as opposed to being like the millions of other guys who are too flippin’ serious all the time for their own good.

And can you be trusted by a woman to be a competent protector and provider ?

By the way, we’re not talking about handing her a million dollars and / or beating up whatever thugs try to coldcock her at a 24-hour ATM machine here.

The bottom line: what she’s looking for is a man who knows how to put her best interests at heart in a way that puts her at ease. She wants to know you tend to make effective decisions, and that she can feel safe and secure in your presence.

That’s what she wants, and if you are that guy, she’ll love you for it.

So basically, if you haven’t figured it out already, it’s not about where you sit in the blasted movie theatre. Unless she’s some über-manipulative chick whom you should avoid anyway, she’s not trying to own you. She simply wants to know how you handle yourself in various situations … because she likes you.

That’s right. Women test you when they like you. If she can’t get out of that movie theatre fast enough, she won’t put forth the effort.

So with all of this in mind, let’s return to the movie theatre where we left our friend. The guy’s best response to the woman’s “test” in this case is neither to flatly capitulate to her, nor to stick to his guns. Both of those reactions would turn the “test” into an unwinnable “contest.”

The less-than-obvious ... and far more creative ... choice is to take back control of the whole scenario by changing the gameplan entirely.

How’s that done ?

Upon being “challenged” by the woman, he may say this (after a bit of a pause, and with a sly smile on his face): “Oh, I don’t know … you’d better be sure you know what you’re asking for. Because if I have to come up there it will not be to sit next to you.”

Regardless of how she responds, he moves closer to her even as she’s still talking. But instead of sitting beside her with his hands folded like “Mr. Nice Guy,” he at the very least starts tickling her and telling her that her new nickname is “Trouble.” And preferably, he picks her up, slings her over his shoulder and carries her down to the middle aisle seat where he wanted to sit to begin with.

Note that there is nothing overtly sexual and no opportunistic grabbing going on here … that’s important.

Most likely, she’ll be giggling and playfully hammering him on the back all the while. But … as soon as he sits her in the seat, he starts his way back to the back row.

At that point, she’ll likely say, “What ? Where are you going ?” To which he’ll calmly and thoughtfully respond, “For some reason, I’ve decided that this movie will be much better from the back row. I heard that’s where all the excitement is…especially now that I’m there.”

At this point, whether she comes and joins him in the back row or stays where she is becomes immaterial. Wherever they end up sitting, he whispers in her ear, “Ah…I knew you’d eventually see things my way.”

(And then he’d probably better kiss the poor girl after working her up like that.)

So why would such a brash response end up working to the guy’s advantage ?

First, assuming that the woman is an emotionally well-adjusted person, such a test means she’s probably hoping for a little playfulness, as opposed to a pointless argument. Remember, a test is only a contest if you let it be. She’s probably not thinking win / lose … that’s a guy thing. She’s simply thinking “yes” or “no” regarding how you respond, and a “yes” absolutely does not have to be at the expense of her loss. What results from the test is simply either a pleasant experience or not.

She’s curious as to how you are when things happen out of the blue. What is your leadership style ? Do you have her best interests at heart ?

Can you make her feel safe and secure by doing what’s right … without being either a pushover or a macho, controlling jerk ?

Do you know how to stop being so serious all the time and have some fun ?

That’s really what tests are all about … at least in her mind. And when we as guys respond as effectively as possible, everyone “wins.”

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