Sisonpyh's Random Thoughts

Sisonpyh: To Kitty: You want me (YES it is getting hot in here... if you will calm yourself and breath just a little less heavy, it will cool down).

To the guys... lately I've been having these realizations where all the things that I've learned are starting to connect better for me.

So I've been writing them down for myself to remember exactly how the different concepts fit together. Here are some of them, in no special order or format... some may not make complete sense, but I think you'll find some great stuff in here...

Females select males MOST of the time in nature... and in modern human courtship (I've read this in many books now and verified it in my experience as well). And even if the man selects the woman, many if not most women still harbor the secret fantasy that they're 'letting him do it,' etc. It's good to address this issue and point out (even if you do it obliquely and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are the selector and not the selectee... This kind of thing is very, very, very fucking powerful, as it does one of my favorite things: It points out something to the woman that she's most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she's never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY. I even say to women "I'm about to tell you something (or something about you) that no one has ever told you..." This really gets a woman on the edge of her seat and puts her into an instant trance (when done in a context that makes sense). And if the thing you tell them is profound enough, they'll begin to see you as a sort of super psychic powerhouse. My personal view is that if you make people have profound realizations, they'll see you as a guru rather than seeing the information or themselves as powerful. It doesn't matter where the info came from, as long as it's something she's never really thought about in that way that's profound to her. One good example is to say to a hot woman who's acting arrogant "You don't have me fooled for a minute, dear." When she says "What are you talking about?" you say "Well, I know that most men fall for this 'I'm beautiful and aloof and I get my way' part of your personality... but I know something that none of them know... that there's really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I'll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who's only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known... pause pause>... You may act tough, but you're actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn't bother you... but you'll think about it all the way home... I know that secretly you're as sensitive as a little girl... it's just that most people never get to meet that part of you..." This fucks up a cold bitchy woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her. At this point, it's often easy to start talking about the whole pick up scene and how women play men, etc. to let her know you're an insider and not falling for her game. If you drop two or three more profound comments during this time, you'll have a woman that won't leave you alone (lol... but keep acting like you want to be left alone so she'll stay after you!). Nice.

Women often view men picking up on them as a game... they talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn "Why don't you give me your number...?" and so on. I know that some, maybe even most go out with the mindset of "I'm never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have free drinks... and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease... and I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by it... etc." By addressing the issue with a "I'm sure that every drunk dumb ass and his nine friends have been picking up on you all night..." and talking about the game, making comments about the above, and generally talking about the whole thing like you're an insider (also mentioning that you accept no bullshit like this yourself) to her secret 'girl games' you separate yourself from the crowd and build rapport at a deep level. For instance, when a woman says "why don't you give me your number?" and I start laughing and say "Yeah, right" this does a lot. It says "No, no, no you don't... I'm not some average dumb ass that's here like a sheep to get shorn. Try again, girlie". The key is to have them know that you know all the bullshit and that you have zero interest in playing like the rest of the dumb asses (the same model works in the same way for strippers... if you know all their games and how they use them to get money from men, they'll feel rapport with you and not use them as much on you...) Note: always add generous amounts of dry humor and elitist humor... very effective in both situations.

Hot women are approached in one way or another all the time by men. Guys are constantly trying to find new 'angles' and 'lines' so that it can 'appear natural' when they talk to a woman. I mean, hell... most women's fantasy is to meet a guy in a charming place and have this whole unplanned romantic thing happen right out of a movie (irony: unplanned and right out of a movie). I really think that instead of trying to mask a pick up, just make it damn good. If you can just be in the more interesting category, you'll get her attention, which is a major step. Then you can lean into the cocky and funny routine and take it from there. Don't try to hide the fact that you're picking them up... be great at it, then get into cocky and funny (and reframe as them picking you up! Ha).

To the idea "What is it about fame and money and power that attracts women and how can you steal those anchors?" I say that women are attracted to men that are famous, rich, powerful for a REASON. My guess is that they believe on a genetically and socially programmed, unconscious level that these men are more intelligent, more fun, more interesting, more able to give them the lifestyle... and MOST IMPORTANTLY... give them the FEELINGS that they want. They also want someone that fits into their self image fantasies that have been forming since they were very young... and thanks to Disney they were imbedded even further than her genetic wiring ever intended.... So what's the answer to the puzzle? I think that it's all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behavior. You can use tricks or props or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants. Many experts talk of getting rapport initially... I've found that breaking rapport usually works better for me. But it's a special kind of breaking rapport. I break rapport in a funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning (I insult women that I don't know in a playful way all the time. Her only real choices are to respond internally and externally with "This guy is a jerk, I'm outta here" or "You've got some balls... but you're damn funny... and for some reason, I feel like I know you...") When you point out a woman's quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many positive things at once. She can't deny that the things you're saying are true, BECAUSE SHE'S LAUGHING. And she can't really hate you too much, because it's kind of fun. Overall, the answer is to realize that rich, powerful, famous guys have the advantage at the beginning from their FAMILIARITY and ASSUMED, PROJECTED positive traits. But if you can learn to get a woman's attention and then give her the FEELINGS that she's always wanted, she'll treat you like you're famous, rich, and powerful as well.

'Means' is the most attractive thing to females in nature... not looks or size (although size quite often leads to means... if you're the big guy, you kick all the little guy's asses). But the point is that if you have the means, the females are all about you. I decided about 8 years ago to get money handled in my life, and since I've learned to make money when I want to, my social life has improved as well. Learning the skills required to make money in business usually means learning to deal with people in a professional way, dress and look professional, and cultivate self confidence through mastery of your profession. I personally advise my friends to learn a skill and profession in such a way that you can charge $100 an hour or more for your time, and learn how to get people to pay you this much when you provide your services (Of course, I love the idea of building a business and generating passive income as well... but learning a skill that you can provide for $100+ an hour usually leads to many other skills that are very valuable). I know that everyone wants to know what they can do that's worth $100 an hour... some good ideas are becoming a sales or marketing consultant, a real estate professional, a stock broker or financial planner... anything that involves helping other people (not that all of these professionals always HELP people). If you're living the lifestyle that YOU want to live, and you could give a fuck about whether a woman likes your house or car or whatever, this makes you much more attractive overall. Most of the men that I know who are terminally unsuccessful with women don't have their professional lives handled... and I don't think that this is a random coincidence. Keep in mind, I'm talking about money from a different perspective than most... I'm not saying to use the money to buy a woman's attention... I'm saying learn how to earn a high income so that you learn the lessons for yourself... many of which will automatically lead to success with women. I'll throw in that many successful men that I know can't get attention from women to save their lives... there's more to it than just money. There's also the commitment to learning how to deal with yourself and with women.

'Desirable' women including rich women, beautiful women, famous women, whatever are used to being treated like queens. (It's really no fault of theirs... very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It's part of being a human... we can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arise... by the way, it's good to keep a "You're spoiled, and I don't really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass" attitude...) Being spoiled, they act bratty to get their way, but the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect... since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up and act funny and charming, and don't play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don't answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social, where you go, etc. and even label all of those questions as "Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women in Hollywood?" etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking "Wow, this is sure DIFFERENT." and it gets their attention. The humor and arrogance (arrogance based on a self knowing, not an outer success or trappings thing) keeps their attention. Underneath all of this, most of these powerful women have the shadow of secretly wanting a man that is in control of himself, his reality, and them... but they'd never admit it... often not even to themselves. But the unconscious knows and recognizes this as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) that give them everything they want... as evidenced by the "Oh, he's just a guy I use to buy me things... my 'Boytoy' etc." They will take what is available to them (even if they have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will resent and disrespect the man that gives it (another example: A girl I was hanging out with at a club last weekend was bragging about redlining her hair dresser's new Porsche just moments before our conversation (her hairdresser was right there at the club in front of us), but making fun of him and letting me know that he's never going to get any from her behind his back... and loving my buddy and I as we busted her balls). As a matter of fact, to most hot women THEIR REALITY is that men kiss their ass and do what they want (worst case, they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR REALITY. Men that don't fit this are often just tuned out as if they didn't exist... to keep this reality as pure as possible for them. (Also, I think that many women harbor a contempt for their beauty... at a shadow level, they are kept from living a REAL life and being closer to the REAL world. Addressing this is VERY powerful.) This is very counter intuitive, but again, we're dealing with female human behavior, which has roots and drives that are complex and often difficult to trace. The solution is to not kiss ass or do things for them... expect them to pull their own weight, call them on all of their issues and fucked up behaviors just like you would a guy friend or family member (same "you're my friend and I'm saying this for your benefit" tone) tease and make fun of their insecurities, reframe other men who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc. how she can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, and how every man she knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner fulfillment). The fact is that women will bang rich men who kiss their asses and model handsome guys who don't treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL drives... but overall, an average looking man that takes good care of himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control... one who challenges her constantly and never kisses her ass EVER will be FAR more fulfilling to a beautiful woman than the other types. This difference is not only interesting to her, it's challenging as well (something she doesn't experience often). A man that does such will not only be able to win her body, but also her interest and fascination... as well as keeping her fucked up behaviors more in check and staying in control of the situation.

To flirt and tease: Today when I first met this girl, I took her hand when she got into the car and held it for a few seconds... then took it away saying "No hand holding this early" as if it were her idea... at breakfast, I put out my hand for her to take it, and then when she went to take it, I moved it before she touched me... then did it again... and again saying "No, really..." finally, after the meal was finished, I reached out for her hand, and she wouldn't take mine... so I actually grabbed her hand and held it and massaged it... this was teasing and teasing... and then when she finally gave up I gave it to her. Then, she kissed my on the cheek/neck a couple of times when we were hugging and I accused her of kissing me a lot, etc. (Idea is that she's into me and the aggressor). One part of this is me doing something (holding her hand) and then accusing her of doing it ("no hand holding this early").

Some women really get intrigued if you 'figure them out' early on in the game and have their number... and then just 'laugh at how cute they are' when they do things. This gets them all freaked out, as they feel like you're in control and they don't know what to do next... like you know all the games they're playing and won't fall for any of their old tricks... this makes them nervous as they don't have any POWER OR AMMO! They love this, as men are hardly ever in control... and they secretly want someone who is. (It's VERY important not to become the 'friend/therapist' with this information... and start kissing their ass! The idea is to use it to bust their balls, not to be understanding.) It's funny to see how the friendship frame works with them, because this gets them thinking, often for the first time "Wow, maybe I just found a man that is smarter than me, knows my little games, and HE has higher standards than ME for once... and now he's talking about being 'just friends!' Oh no! Doesn't he like me? Doesn't he want me like all the other guys?" A key here is to always keep them guessing... never get too into them or they'll get right into their old games, etc.

Remember that the different parts of the brain have different drives, goals, aspirations, fears, etc.. and they aren't always congruent.

Notice whether a woman was raised by mom, dad, both, etc. How her mom dealt with her dad and/or she learned to deal with dad is often how she'll deal with you. If there was no dad/brothers, she won't know how to deal with a man. if he gets upset, she might just apologize because she doesn't know better. Also take into account age, personality type, etc.(these are gross over generalizations, but often valid).

Women LOVE to talk about sex. more than men, actually. So talk about it and make jokes about it openly. they'll get right into detail.

Touching Frame. touching a woman fires off the unconscious 'More than just a friend' idea.

Einstein - a problem can't be solved at the level of thinking at which it was created.

Women are extremely adaptable. they will go with whatever you present them with, as long as you are OK with it. Just make sure that you don't give in to their BS and control/testing.

Women understand code, they don't understand the actual message. or they think that direct communication is lame or less valid. not dramatic and interesting enough. they are like an enigma machine on a sub. You have to know how to speak in the code that arouses their desires, unconscious code, etc. Metaphor, story, poem, music, humor, sarcasm, ball busting, challenges, etc. Women read body language and subtle cues FAR better than most men... and they're often sending many messages that are never picked up by men because they're traveling on a frequency and coded in a language that most men don't even know exist. They want a puzzle and a challenge. and if they' re never sure, they'll keep on trying. once they think they've got you, it's over. No good deed goes unpunished. Mixed messages are the best messages.

Above identity in the logical levels might be 'reality'. meaning Who's reality is the reality? If you're acting as if the other's reality or a group of others is in control of the reality, it will go. and esp. women. If your reality is THE reality, then your identity and the identity of others in your reality will fall into place. This also plays out, if you react emotionally to someone, something they say, etc. then you're showing that their reality is THE reality. if you react by saying "What are you, high or crazy?" and stay in control of the reality, others will follow. Most importantly, people are attracted to people who are in charge of their reality.

Frame: Men act as if the women is the one who's reality controls the situation, and they therefore have thoughts like "Well, what if she says 'No, you can't have sex with other women?' and 'What if she wants to spend Valentines with you?'" The key is to have your reality be the one that SHE is in. not the other way around. so you say "What? What the hell are you talking about? You need to go be with some pussy guy who wants to be told what to do." It all comes down to who's reality it is. and the key is to make your reality the dominant one. in fact, "You're in my reality now" has to come across with such conviction, that it's not questioned, and the only thing that's questioned is her own view of the way things are supposed to be. so she says to herself "Oh, maybe I should think about this differently."

Little boys hit little girls when they're 8, and women still love to be spanked when they're 28. Find something about them, and make fun of it in a way so they don't know if you're serious, speak in metaphor and story, do thoughtful things, talk about feelings and longings. speak code, never speak directly.

Women like the idea of being swept away by the moment. especially when it's a taboo thing and we shouldn't be doing it, etc. The more unplanned things seem, the better. for instance, if we happen to wind up in my room and I happen to be massaging a hand, smelling, etc. it's seen as 'meant to be' or something, and therefore a good thing to get swept away by. Create situations that lead to these situations. think Milton Erickson. What situation would facilitate the outcome that I'm looking for naturally?

Details. notice what a woman likes, and surprise her by being thoughtful, combining small things that she likes, etc. SMALL, thoughtful surprises are the best when done on your terms.

Pay attention: How do I know when a girl is the type that will respond mainly to sweetness? Pay attention to whether they respond to ball busting, and if not, try something else!

Why younger women are better (reframe for dating women much younger than you): Women mature much faster than men. That's why you always see women who are younger with older men, but almost never the reverse. But the flip side is that women reach a maturity peak at about 18-20 where they can really understand and think like a mature adult. while it takes longer for men. And when a woman is younger like this, they are often more open and not as jaded or broken yet. This is why I enjoy younger women. they are more free, open, adventurous, and fun. not as stuck in a role of what society or their family wants them to be, and more willing to be who they really are.

Good dialogue chunk: "I'll bet that you have most men wrapped around your finger. even if in the beginning they stand up to you, you always win in the end and get whatever you want, which is when you lose interest and leave. I just want to tell you right now, you will never ever ever have me wrapped around your finger. not even for a second at any time. And I just wanted to let you know that up front."

OK, so that's it for random comments on my part... hope you learned something, and thanks again guys for all the great stuff.