That Was A Nice Pat On The Bum

For about a year now I've been cutting down to just one or two drinks when I go out. Better to keep my head clear when I game, but moreover because my body can't metabolize like it used to. I started drinking more sangria last summer, and decided to make that my regular at-home drink this summer. It's like juice with a buzz !

I dance a bit. I move off the floor and start chatting with some girls, giving some compliments to warm up. This was a funny one: I'm leaning on the rail by myself, and notice a couple of girls standing by the bar talking to a couple of guys who are seated. One girl pats the other on the ass. I go over, break into the space of the girl who did the patting, and say with huge smile: “That was a nice pat on the bum. I just had to say that. That was a very familiar pat on the bum.”

She laughs and, still smiling, lowers her head and covers her face with her hand in false embarrassment. I eject immediately. Not sure why ... they looked like they were there to chat with the guys, and I just wanted to say something funny to make her and my night more enjoyable. But I wonder if I have a problem staying around when my opening bit is a little outrageous. Vestiges of the old me who expected rejection (and often got it, because I was nervous saying that shit). Anyway, it loosened me up, and made this hot chick crack up, so it was still worthwhile in itself.

A bit later one of my opening bits hooks a chick. After a few minutes of chatting (asking about a gig she went to that night), she mentions something about smoking, and I suggest we go out for one right then, to which she agrees. Unfortunately, she's not very interesting ... or interested … once I isolate. She has a cool job working for an indie music label, but stresses several times that she's sick of music because of it. Sheesh. I'll take your dream job, honey.

Also, I mention that I listen to several of the local artists she handles or knows, and say that I got exposed to it recently. She never asks where I'm from, how a guy like me likes this stuff, etc. (I was asking plenty about her, too, as I always do).

Lastly, the body language sucks. I'm leaning against the square parking meter outside, thinking it will prompt her to step and lean toward me, but she stays a couple feet away. But by this point, I didn't want to escalate physically anyway. She was such a self-absorbed drag, and honestly, very average-looking. Isn't it funny how the less good-looking they are, the more standoffish they are ? But then again, I used to be that way, too. When you expect people to be uninterested (especially just at a glance), it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, and that hole becomes deeper and deeper.

Anyway, we came back in after her smoke and parted wordlessly: she rejoined her friends, and I went straight to the dance floor to get back in state. Stayed there pretty much the rest of the night.

My dance floor game blows, so at the end of the night, I found myself in my usual no-man's-land dancing between couples and groups of girls ignoring me or giving me kinda strange looks. I had tried a couple approaches, where I reached for girls' hands to pull them toward me ... was gently blown off both times. I can't seem to calibrate my dance floor game. I'm either too meek, like those attempts, or I grab their waists from the side, and they blow me off un-gently.

But the reason I love this club on Thursdays is that my friends play awesome music (soul & classic rock), and there's a clique of regulars I can dance with. So as long as I'm moving, I'm having a good time. A couple months ago I decided to put all thoughts of pick up, at least on the floor, out of my mind, and get on the risers or benches and dance like crazy, for fun and exercise.

The end of the night is nigh and I'm alone, and I think: fuck it, if I haven't got a girl for the last few songs, why not go for broke by advertising it ? So I get on the riser ... I'm the only person up there ... and start dancing my ass off. From across the dance floor, I notice a girl (HBJokey) gesturing at me, imitating my hand gestures, then turning and tittering to her friend. So I smile and gesture exaggeratedly back, and so it continues off and on.

I notice while this is happening that these girls are with a few guys, but I don't care. As “Suspicious Minds” turns to “These Eyes,” HBJokey gives me another big jokey imitating gesture, and I give her a come-over-here gesture back with both hands (palm up with fingers raised and waving back at myself). I then turn and ignore her for the entire rest of the song, but not before catching her jaw drop and seeing her turn excitedly to her girlfriend.

As the final song starts, I look down to see HBJokey at my feet, raising her arms for me to pull her onto the riser with me. From across the room she looked like a cute, tall brunette, but she's better looking up close. Isn't it great when that happens ? She's a couple inches taller than me (almost 6 feet), and is just beautiful.

We take the “junior high” slow dance position. I do this for about 15 seconds, then break away and put both arms around her waist. We exchange names. No matter which way she faces as I twirl her in circles, she is looking at her friends and laughing. I ask what she is laughing at (though I know the answer), she answers, and I say “Be here.”

“I am here.” she replies without conviction, still looking absent.

“Be here. Be present. Be here with me.”

Now she looks in to my eyes. Damn, how I should have pressed her wonderful body against the window and kissed her at that moment ...

After a pause, she starts to talk. “I actually don't know this song. My parents are rasta, into Peter Tosh.”

“Free the weed !” I reply with a peace gesture.

She laughs.

When I lower my hand back, it rests on top of a firm, curvy ass. My other hand squeezes her waist tighter. She doesn't mind a bit, yet she still is holding back; her hands are resting on the front of my shoulders, so that her elbows are keeping our chests apart.

“Put your arms around me.” I tell her, and she does right away.

I squeeze her tighter. Our legs are rubbing between each other. Fuck, this girl has an amazing body. Then, after about a minute of really nice, tight dancing, she says she has to get back to her friends.

I go up to her after the lights are on (after a couple minutes chatting with some other peeps). She's talking to one of her guy friends. I say, “Hey, mind if I cut in ?” The guy puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender and goes “Hey, man ...” I turn and introduce myself to him. HBJokey says, “This is my boyfriend's brother.”

“Oh really ?” I say skeptically, and start chatting and introducing myself to the other couple guys friends there. HBJokey has drifted away in the meantime, so I bail out after a couple minutes with the guys.

I re-open back outside a few minutes later. “Mind if I borrow your friend for a second ?” I say to the guy as I touch her shoulder.

Before I can get an answer, HBJokey says: “This guy really is the brother of my boyfriend.”

“Ok, well ...”

She continues turning away and says, “I just wanted to dance. I thought it was cool how you were into the music, that's all.”

Me (with big smile, and very calmly): “Hey, thanks. Look, I just wanted to be sure you weren't one of those girls who gets shy when she meets someone she likes.” Then I give them fist-bumps and wish her goodnight by name, and she (now facing me) wishes me goodnight in return.

So, things got a little awkward at the end ... or did they ? I pushed for an absolute no. But, I feel I should have gone for the makeout when dancing, either when we first locked eyes, or when I had her in a tight squeeze. On the other hand, the thing that kept me from doing it was knowing her friends were watching, so maybe it's for the best that I didn't ?

Your thoughts on how, or if, I could have escalated this ?

Moments after saying goodbye to HBJokey and co. outside, I turned to a clique of regulars and got the number of a girl I've had my eye on for awhile. I hadn't for ages because she's pretty shy.

But the number close was weak on two counts. I wasn't clear about my intentions. She said she was done with exams and looking for work (she said this in a kinda bummed out way ... workoholic geek). I said, “You've got a few weeks off then ! We should kick it. Drink beer in the park, get ice cream, chillax ...” She laughed, I got her number.

Secondly, I didn't isolate; I got it right in front of her friends, 2 guys and 2 girls. And she's there with those girls almost every week. Dumb.

It was effortless ... but too effortless, because there was no intent behind it. So I know I could've been smoother and more upfront about my intentions if I had taken just a few minutes to isolate her.

Still, this was a pretty good night out for me. I was in a great state the whole time, except for a few minutes that dragged with the music biz girl whom I joined for the smoke. The old me might have been bothered by HBJokey making fun of my dancing, or ignored her. Instead, using only gestures, I got her to cross the floor and join me on the riser, follow my lead to pay attention to me, and not object to my physically escalating during the dancing. Still kicking myself I didn't push it, but it's leaps and bounds over my old dance floor game.

Any feedback ? Particularly concerning escalation during the dancing, or a tighter number close ?