The best single tool to have in your tool chest

- Dwacon: Thoughts on Social Proof and Context
- F-X: Mastery with Women and Dating Review
- HouseOfFire: Sex Tips
- Ross: In Response to Mark B. and A Guru Master
- Ovulu: In Response to A Guru Master
- FFASA: In Response to A Guru Master
- Gino: How to Smile
- Tenore: In Response to A Guru Master
- Jatinder: Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From ?

I was watching television and saw a documentary where porn actresses were being interviewed. One was asked, “Are there any men you refuse to work with ?” Her answer was any guy with “the creepy factor” would get turned down. I was hoping the interviewer would ask her to elaborate, but there was no further explanation, other than a certain undefined something about the guy would turn her off.

Another porn star said that she was okay with anyone under the age of 55. I was wondering where she came up with that arbitrary number ... and how could she even tell the difference between 55 and 54½. But seriously folks, that seems to line up with items I have read in Cosmopolitan in which some girls write about how certain guys “skeeve” them by how the look or act.

This got the wheels in my head spinning, as I began considering how women stack realities with things that have meanings that have meanings that have meanings that have meanings that have meanings ... creating a bizarre level of abstraction that defies logic. In NLP / SS we learn how to create realities when sarging a woman ... but is there any value in identifying or dealing with her own indigenous realities ?

Our office shares space with a group of social workers ... about two-thirds of them hot young babes. Since they're not co-workers, they are fair game, and I have planted some NLP time bombs with a couple. However, those two women seemed to have disappeared. I saw one a week ago—she was heading into the building and I was rushing to my car to drive to see a client—but otherwise have missed seeing them.

Well, the other morning I parked my car near the side of the building, and as I got out I noticed this other woman I had never met, a cute 8½. She had her face practically smashed against the window watching me. It seemed that she was saying something to the other women in the office. As I got out of the car and rounded the corner towards the entrance, I noticed an HB10 (who has a huge corner office) jumped out of her chair and waved through the window at me with a beaming smile.

It seems that my encounters with the other two HBs may have resulted in some conversation that got these other women stacking some internal realities, although they had never spoken with me.

Social proof.

Meanwhile, after burning myself out on Friday, the only thing in mind for Saturday was taking the laptop to Borders and getting some more work done. Well, I'm at Borders and take a seat near this hot blonde ... a definite 10-plus with a look of class. Unlike the other wimmin there (all in jeans and sweats) she was in this nice pink pantsuit that gave her a little "rich girl" look.

Well, I looked over at her and she gave me the look. You know ... the look. The half-closed eyes ... a little glassy, out of focus gaze ... with the Mona Lisa smile. Yeah, that look. That should have been my cue to open her, but my mind was on the laptop, and without thinking I averted my gaze. Somewhere, deep in my cerebellum, my brain gave me a "Danger, Will Robinson !" I realized I committed a definite PUA no-no. You never drop your gaze with a woman. I figured, damn ... but I was there to work anyway, so I just wrote it off.

Later I decided to go for a cup of tea and saw this other hottie in line wearing this bright, lime green sweater. I went and stood behind her, she turned and I realized it was the same girl. Originally, she was wearing all pink, but when I wasn't looking she took off her coat and had the sweater underneath. My mind was so gone I wasn't paying close enough attention to realize she was the same girl.

Well anyway, she looked into my eyes (wide eyed this time, not the look) and quickly turned her eyes away, then turned her head away, then turned her body away, then stepped out of line and moved away from the counter. I thought for a second I should say something C&F to her like, "That's okay, your loud sweater wasn't blinding me *that* much." But my lethargy took over and I just let it go while my inner-PUA was kicking and screaming.

Later, I wonder if my failing to open her allowed her to create stacks that gave her the “creepy factor”... my not responding in the way she was anticipating (really, my not shifting my focus off of work) ... if that set off a "skeeve" alert?

Something to cogitate on.

Another line of thought—going back to the porn actresses—is the idea of “Context.” That is to say, what context forms the foundation for a woman's realities ? You have porn actresses walking around a set buck naked, but would they act demurely in another context?

My cousin does computer support for a guy who runs a number of porn sites. Once, the guy brought one of his models to his house and she, not realizing this was just a routine stop-over, jumped out of her clothes (to the delight of my cousin's teenage son).

When I ran my modeling web site, I had a lot of girls stipulate up front they never did nudity and only did “tasteful” shots. However, the camera has an aphrodisiac quality and nearly 100% of the girls got naked, horny and more.

Context ...

One more story ... I was at another WiFi spot a week ago and saw this stunning HB10—imagine Kristanna Loken only with wavy red hair. I made immediate eye contact and maintained the alpha gaze.

I was about to do my 3-second pounce when, suddenly, her date appeared. Overhearing their loud convo, it seemed this was a first date based on an Internet dating profile. She was divorced and had a number of bad dating experiences with AFCs and declared that he would be her last attempt at dating.

Watching this goatrope was amusing, as she gave a lot of typical girl questions and he gave typical AFC answers and every now and then I'd look at her like, “Mmm ... I'd lay you across this table and have you for dinner,” and she couldn't keep her eyes of me. Well, the AFC didn't seem to notice this, so after she had dropped a number of hints (“Well, I guess you probably have to go now,” etc.) she finally mentioned that she was looking at me. Well, this ignited something in the guy and they wound up leaving together. Hmm ...

A few months ago, I decided to go on a personal quest, the goal of which was to become successful in life, especially with women and in business. Well imagine my surprise when I realized someone else already did the research job for me! David DeAngelo, with his free newsletter that I accidentally subscribed to, showed me I was not alone on my quest. So I read a few of these emails from our friend David D., then went on to get the e-books, quickly followed by the Advanced Dating Techniques and of course Sexual Communication. As I was going through all this material, I realized I was now a student again, and this was in fact the material for the school of life. So, realizing there was even more to be learned, even after attending a Real Social Dynamics workshop, I went on and ordered the Mastery with Women and Dating. Well, that and the information page just made me want to get to that ordering button ...

But as I started to watch this seminar, something didn't feel right. The interest of learning was there, but the big fun I had from reading the e-books and watching the Advanced Dating Techniques a few days before was not. It was an uneasy feeling, and I remember that I felt it before. Then it hit me: university, the last step of school before the job life. And somehow I knew this was it, the last of my studies at the school of life. And the excitement of finally finding out what the other products prepared me to understand took over.

And while the first three discs, of a ten discs set, go through mostly the advanced material like psychology and very useful business material, disc four is where mastery with women really hits. Unlike the Advanced Dating Techniques where we learned about women's attraction at the very beginning and then how it works, here we are being prepared for the big revelation. And there it was, what I thought was merely a technique was actually the formula to understand it all, the basic algorithm to reframe everything, the key to being the ultimate alpha male, in fact the master key to it all! And not unlike the four words catch-phrase that was the big news in the Advanced Dating Techniques, we get another one, and this time it's the prime directive. That alone made it all worthwhile.

Then we get to the fun and cool stuff, and a ton of it: more psychology, techniques, interviews, Q&As, plus some of the best in the field and their personal techniques (or a part of it) and even how to get in touch with them. It's probably all in there, nothing seems to be left out. And it's also packed with very useful business material like I said, so this is a very good product. Note that this program contains coarse language from a few guests, but nothing too offensive.

The cons now. Well the price may seem high at first, but all this information we get from it quickly makes this a non-issue, and nothing is more valuable than knowledge. Also, the technical problem causing some chapters to roll back happening on some DVD players (on two of the three I tried), was a little annoying.

So this is definitely something that anyone serious about taking charge of one's own life should watch, preferably after the previous products, as this is an aggregate and explanation of some of the best information available on how to be successful in life, especially with women and dating.

While some of the sex tips that have appeared on this list may be good, I think they must be of limited use to those who really need them. You don't teach someone to fight by showing them how to kick out a knee.

Being good in bed is not difficult. Here are a few simple ideas to that end:

1) Be aware that every woman is different when it comes to sex—often surprisingly so. Adapt. Some women have very sensitive breasts and will get incredibly turned on by your touching or licking them. Others feel next to nothing and will assume you're just entertaining yourself. Some women like fingers inside them. Others hate that. Some women have one orgasm and are done for the night. Others seem able to go on indefinitely. The key is to pay attention to how the woman under you is responding. If one thing isn't working, try something else. Try lots of different things and different ways of doing particular things. It often helps to ask her what's working and what's not.

2) Maintain a relaxed and confident attitude (probably the same one that got her into bed). This is particularly valuable when things do not go as planned. It can get you through all kinds of problems, such as premature ejaculation, episodes of impotence, or just plain inexperience. For example, say you're in bed for the first time and inexplicably you're not getting hard. Don't get upset. Realize you don't need to apologize. You might first get her off some other way. Then you might comment how strange it is that you are not getting hard, considering that she really turns you on (I assume so, why else are you in bed with her?). Tell her not to worry, this is very unusual (if it is), and the problem will no doubt take care of itself in due time. If there is something you need her to do to get your engine running, all you need to do is ask.

3) Leave your hang-ups at the door.

On the specifics:

Fingering : See (1) above. Be sure to experiment in the range of extremely light touches and slow movements when it comes to her clit.

Oral Sex: I like the Sam Kinison approach. If you don't know what your doing down there, start spelling the alphabet.

Dicking: A hard dick is the best single tool to have in your tool chest. I used to have trouble holding back and finally consulted a sex therapist. What I learned was that time to orgasm tends to be habitual. The key therapy for me was drawing out masturbation for progressively longer periods. You cut back on stimulation as needed to avoid orgasming sooner than intended.

As far as my own credibility goes, I've been getting uniformly high marks in this area for many years. Even my exes say the sex was great. Caveat here—for some reason women like to stroke your ego in this way. They'll tell you you have a big dick when your dick is just average. Enjoy the compliments but don't take them too seriously lest you become unduly self-satisfied.

Regardless of the differences I emphasized above, it's reasonable to expect virtually every woman to orgasm at least once nearly every time you have sex. If you are not getting that result, don't sweat it, but make some adjustments and you'll probably do better.

(Responding to Mark B. on the Carlos Xuma interview: “He makes good points. I would also add that it's critical to be up front and direct with women in terms of what you want and where you want things to go. To me, that kind of risk taking and open vulnerability is what makes a guy supremely attractive in a woman's mind. He is willing to take the risk, be open with her and allow himself to be shot down.”)

If you can do this without projecting neediness you are doing the right thing and it's a good start !

(Mark B.: “In the past 2 years I have read, I would say, about 30 autobiographies and biographies of various military and political leaders and another 40-50 books on ancient and modern military history. I noticed that what made the great leaders great and what caused others to fail was that success came to those that were the most courageous, the ones that took the greatest risk and the ones that fully concentrated their power throughout their campaign.”)

Whoa ! Slow up ! This is not a list to debate military history, and to be sure, boldness and risk-taking are key elements to military success, but just as important is the ability to read the battlefield and spot the key weaknesses in the opponent's position. Without the shrewdness and without the accurate assessment of the factors that really matter, and an ability to adopt and adapt to the “fog of war,” all the boldness in and risk in the world will either get your men slaughtered outright, or lead to eventually over-extending yourself.

Don't count intelligence and shrewdness and cohesive fighting as a unit, as opposed to acts of individual bravery. That last one is an important factor that distinguishes the West's military history (and results) from the cultures it has battled. I suggest Victor Davis Hanson's “Carnage and Culture.”

(Responding to a guru master: “That's so lame. But it works ! Three girls have told me about it all seriously, like they are in love with a man who finally understands who they are deep down. Am I the only one who thinks this is lame ?)

Guru, you constantly pull women by demonstrating you understand the real motives and emotions behind their tests and bratty behavior. All this “line” does is cold read what is a truism about most “tough acting” women. That they are protecting something vulnerable.

This ought not to puzzle someone with your mastery of this “authority in her world” principle. These guys are punks next to you.

(Responding to a guru master: Ref. “Dumb Ass Line”)

Complicated routines are not necessary in pick up. I don't like them and do not use them, they are too complicated, confusing and laborious. I mean cavemen required no complications to pick up “Jane.” As for the “Dumb Ass Line,” I disagree that it's dumbass.

That line gets to HB b.s. and splinters societal make believe crap about themselves to the core. Why use over complications when a Silver Bullet message would do the trick ? Similarly, I do not use routines either, just a few Silver Bullet messages when required (during opening, close and lay ... for everything else, I just do what I want and lead the HB where I want her to go ... that's it).

Primarily, my BL, eye stares, facial tones and “odd” language sentencing (slow, descriptive and emphatic) is what I use for pick up, the object of which is to get the HBs to totally melt with my composure. And like Mark B, I no longer go out of my way to be funny. If I run out of things to say or have made a very “bad” open play, I just alter my facial tones to get the HB to fill in the silent gaps. However on the other hand, if you are saying that loser guys are using a Silver Bullet sound bite to get laid, well that's another story !

By the way, women may be “smart” but they are not very clever when it comes to controlling their emotional spikes. Most women, nearly all of them on this planet, are in fact mentally lazy, trying to figure out reality relative to their emotions. And that's the reason, they are dumb ass smart to fall for such a line from dumb ass guys. However, if you are saying these loser guys have zero game, then that's all good for you, since loser guys deserve dumb ass chicks who are smart but not clever. This means the world is your oyster, guru, because you now have command in picking up chicks throughout the full spectrum of the female smart-to-clever range, tied down by no one ! Just leave complicated routines alone, perform the most powerfully and do the least work.

(Responding to a guru master: I can't believe it. This is the third time I've heard this, and it's so lame. OK. Yet another girl I know (just a friend) has been PUed by some loser and fell for this dumbass line. Girls everywhere are falling for this line, this bullshit line, and it pisses me off because these girls are attractive, and very fucking smart. Here's the line: “You know HB, on the outside, you act all tough and strong and independent, but I know that deep down you are just a little girl.” Faaaaack ! That's so lame. But it works ! Three girls have told me about it all seriously, like they are in love with a man who finally understands who they are deep down. Am I the only one who thinks this is lame ? That line is all it took for those girls to get them daydreaming. What am I doing breaking my back to learn the fucking game ? Argh. I even met one of the guys that used this on a girl I know and he's a fucking retarded wanker PUA wannabe with zero game. He just uses that line and it actually gets him laid. And these are cool girls who should know better.)

Guru, dude, it is kinda lame. I have used it, but only when I truly meant it. But I also like to have fun with it. You know, “You know HB, on the outside, you act all tough and strong and independant, but I know that deep down you are just a little girl (long pause) ... too bad I just don't have time in my life for a little girl ...” or “Nah, I take it back, you are more like a little boy ...” Whatever.

Guru master, as tight as your game has sounded over the last few issues, I figured you would be in automatic to bust the chick for this. It's kinda like Old Navy Sweaters. The first guy to wear the wool lime green knit sweater with an orange shirt seems so hip. Girls think he has style and is trendy. Then I bust on him for being color blind and offer to come over and label all his tags with a number for color codes (for a high fee, of course). All of a sudden he isn't so trendy. Just remember, your reality.

A good way to sensationalize your personality with your smile is with like the kind of smile you make. Mona Lisa or twinkling grin smiles work provided you have good eye contact. Showing your teeth usually works. In a lot of situations, if your date shows her teeth smiling, you're scoring really well. Another kind of smile is like during a conversation, you repeat her name to her and smile with your month open and your tongue sort of lusciously curled in your month, all the while with your greatest smile. In fact, you may want to consider your most sensational smile and use it to your advantage.

(Responding to a guru master: “That's so lame. But it works !”)

Guru, this is just a rephrasing of a classic cold reading line (i.e., a statement that sounds like a profound insight, but applies to practically anyone): “Disciplined and controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside.” It's just re-phrased for the female gender, and stated more informally. For more "classic" cold readings, see skepdic.com/coldread.html

I want to know what gives birth to low self-esteem and self-pity ? Why do we engage in it ? What specific habits and behaviours do we follow to create and sustain self-pity ? How to overcome them ?