For one minute I wanted to be single

Mystery: Just an interesting day 2 interaction to share. Got a bartender's # and met her at a cafe. I wanted to find a place that had more than coffee so we moved to another place. Sat inside because I wanted to. I took charge; that was all good. I wasn't interested in her THAT way ... I just got her # to practice and then since I am practicing phone talk, I got a get together. I was planning on meeting a girl nearby later so I figured, let's do both get togethers close together. So I was there and she was leaning in and listening and it was all good. I didn't want her though (a mole on her chest was a turn off) and while she had great hips she was not up to par (which I hadn't really noticed in the bar before). So I decided to try to PLAY. A woman walked by who was ugly and I said, "ugg" quietly. My 'date' heard this (obviously) and her body language changed to show she didn't like that I was judging another person. She leaned away and her arms crossed. I'm telling you, body language is like GOSPEL. If she was a 10, I could demonstrate to her that I judge looks but to an 8, it is offensive. Of course it would be. : )

(Commenting on: "Figure it this way Why are most men attracted to some chyck they cannot have? And why are they NOT attracted to the one that WORSHIPS them and is willing to do ANYTHING for them? We have all been though this; once you know you can CONTROL a person, you just lose interest. Too easy. We need a challenge."):

This is observational bias. What about having a totally HOT girl who is all over you? Personally, I STILL want her. Actually, I think I want her even more because those who are attracted to me are better looking because I also like their great taste in men.

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Christopher: (Commenting on: "I wonder about the ones not in this newsletter who are getting the women and not talking about it to educate or boast to others, probably because they have their hands full."):

You must be talking about the ones that haven't yet got their fill of pussy, busily making up for a lifetime of frustration, who don't have a life outside servicing as many accounts as they can?

Or maybe the selfish ones who refuse to share their knowledge.

Or maybe all the pimps out there who are too busy making a living?

Or maybe male porn stars?

Or maybe all the guys who get by on their looks, their money, their political power, or their athletic prowess. Hey, I hear there are women who won't date anyone but computer geeks, so it's not just athletic prowess anymore ... but hey, us computer geeks work seventy hours a week just to get their real work done on top of fixing all the messes average morons make with their computers.

C'mon, tell us where these guys are? Tell us where these guys come from so we can get them on the list by appealing to their sense of higher purpose by telling them how they can contribute to the entire human species by raising the average level of sexual satisfaction.

(Commenting on: "I think the sexiest and most lasting way to keep a woman is to be yourself."):

What does "being yourself" mean? Do we get any choice in who we are? Or are we doomed forever if we happen to be such schlubs that we'd be ashamed of ourselves for fucking any women who would choose to sleep with us?

(Commenting on: "If she does not like you, then so be it. Shit happens. Toughen up."):

Shit does not happen by itself. Shit is a manufactured substance. If your life is shitty, somebody put the shit in it. Very likely you did.

(Commenting on: "But if she does like you in spite of knowing the real you,"):

Who (or rather, what) is the real me? If the real me has no poetry in his soul how can I touch your heart profoundly? If the real me doesn't pay attention to you, how well could I participate in a relationship with you? If I happen to be able to move your heart simply because I've decided your heart needs moving and I know how to, how is that less worthy than if I move your heart by an freak accident of genetics and conditioning?

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Guru master: (Commenting on: "Pablo My first LTR was completely screwed up because I told her I loved her. Instantly the control shifted and she started to freak out because she was scared of commitment and she realized that she could manipulate me."):

It is my belief that nobody is truly scared of commitment, only dissatisfaction. If you give a woman the power, I think we all agree that she won’t be able to handle it. It is not her role. Our role is to make the decisions, protect her, and then she gets our sperm if she’s been a good girl. Anyone care to add anything to this ‘roles’ thing? I would be interested in some varied views here, and especially controversial ones!

(Commenting on: "VINIGARR so why don't u hook me up with some of your girls HB why no hook up with me ? can't handle me? VINIGARR I like u as a friend HB damn"): Nice to see someone field-testing this approach. It works wonders. I'm going to be getting PLENTY of threesomes with this little trick, as I have just used it on my GF recently who is now begging ME to do a 3some with her and her little friend. It uses their fears of abandonment, but not in a nasty way. Instead of what most guys would do, “Either we are going to have a threesome or I'm dumping you,” this pattern isn't mean or nasty at all. You’re simply asking her a question. You’re saying, “Since you don't want to do X, that’s perfectly OK, sweetie. I, however, still want to do X. So do you have any friends that would be into doing X?”

May I offer you some ‘constructive criticism’? I think you pushed it a little too far, though. She kept saying, “I want you” and you kept saying, “Hook me up with your friends”. If you were just EXPERIMENTING, then I congratulate you. But if this was a woman I really liked and respected, I think once or twice would suffice. So just be careful what you wish for. I like women to feel GOOD when they are with me, not insecure. I want my girls to feel wanted and such, so long as they appreciate it.

And as for the spanking comment, I agree that women love this. My friend Al taught me that in order to keep an HB in line, you should spank her! He is about 50 years old, and when he talks about spanking his women, you know that he means it! He says not only do they love this, but it lets them know on the most basic level that you are in charge.

I have adopted this and use it on my girlfriends and they genuinely love it. Wanna date younger girls? Just spank your wife properly and she will BECOME younger. She will talk younger, and look younger, too. A good spanking is the best age-regression tool I know of. And once you've spanked her good, you've got an INCREDIBLE anchor set up. Whenever she ‘steps out of line’, all you do is raise your hand and she'll relive the spanking. Great for when you are in public! You can turn hard core bitches into giggly little girls with this. And don't be afraid of offending them, because they universally get off on it (unless there’s some trauma or something).

One last thing about spankings. Just the MENTION of the word spanking seems to get them giggly and wet. Do not dismiss this as a ‘cute idea’. It’s just too effective to be overlooked! Remember that post about finding out what her father is like and then mimicking the father? Think about it!

A guru master: (Commenting on: "Roland (Definitely some good material provided by an anonymous guru master. My question, however, is the anonymous guru master's story regarding staring deliberately at a woman's tits during a pool game. I also read where she said "good-bye" which might have been just a flirtatious thing on her part."):

JUST a flirtation? Of course, that’s what it was, and I view that as a good thing! She was with her BOYFRIEND, and very clearly did it when he wasn't looking. When a girl slaps your ass and winks and talks to you in a sexy voice, to me this is a green light.

(Commenting on: "It is my understanding that it is not good to give what a woman wants. I tend to agree with this, and if an HB is walking around with her cans hanging out, she probably wants guys to look at them, which in a sense is giving her the control. One writer on seduction wrote that "...as soon as an HB sees that you "notice" her, than you are stuffed and mounted." That is why I will make it a point to be very nonchalant and indifferent around a hot looking chyck who seems to want attention."):

I agree and I don't. Yes and no. You need to give her what she wants ON YOUR TERMS. If she has her cans hanging out, I agree that she wants men to notice! And I also want to look, so I do.

As for noticing a girl, and being ‘stuffed and mounted’ because you noticed her, I disagree. IF, however, all you do is notice her, and turn away when she looks at you, then you are stuffed and mounted! Because you are just being a pussy in that case. Don't turn off your sexuality just because an HB walks in the room.

Being indifferent is very hit-and-miss. I prefer to make my desires known. I'm going out to a Toastmasters convention tonight, and I plan to use the tit stare. I'll let you all know how it went!

(Commenting on: "Halbmike I find myself saying things like "In my next life I want to come back as you!" or "I want to be you when I grow up.""):

I field-tested the Bratty Little Sister frame yesterday. Here’s how it went: I was sitting in the subway car, and I had my feet up on the seat in front of me. This woman comes in and gives me a dirty look, so I take my feet off the bench, give her a smile and raise my eyebrows twice. I was conveying a, ‘so you like bad boys, huh?' type of body language.

As she sat down, she started giving me shit and saying how people shouldn't put their feet up on the benches, because it’s rude.

Here, I was trying to set her up to sleep with me, but it backfired. She responded that she isn't adventurous, and that she annoys a lot of people. Why? Because she is a Jehovah’s Witness! She started in on me with her fucking religion so I said, “Lemme ask you a question before I go” She said OK. I asked her, “If you had truly found Heaven on Earth, if you were truly fulfilled, then you wouldn't harass people with those damn comic books all day. Enjoy getting rejected for a living.”

(Commenting on: "Rocky Last thing she said was accompanied by a smiling face with hearts around it! I think back to an episode of Seinfeld where George comes up with the idea to do everything the exact opposite of what he had been doing...if it was white it was black, up was down, left was right, in was out...this is almost what I did today. I basically did exactly the opposite of what my feelings and heart would've said in a conversation with her. I don't know if this will ever lead to a meeting but it sure as heck taught me a lesson...."):

The impression I have of you based on your post, may not be completely accurate, because I don't know you, so please forgive me for generalizing. You seem to be taking the whole dating thing waaaaay too seriously. “Pissed me off basically. I pretty much gave up on her by mid week, making excuses to myself that it would've never worked any way and that the cultural and societal differences were too broad to cross. Later in the week I changed my mind and began reading and rereading some of the posts from this list since no one had replied directly to my post. I had my mind made up to give it one last shot, no holds barred. I was going to beat her at the game or disappear into the night a raving madman in her mind. Never to talk to her again.”

The reason you feel these states around women is because you aren't being playful enough, if AT ALL. When a chick throws you a neg , this is the perfect opportunity to show her what kind of a man you are - PLAYFUL AND FUN. And especially with women that are so much younger than you. You must ALWAYS have fun in your dealings with women, otherwise you'll get killed.

And the heart thing is NOT necessarily a good sign (“Last thing she said was accompanied by a smiling face with hearts around it!”). She could be testing you, control-wise. I would call her on it by saying something ‘bad’ such as, “Don't fall in love with me TOO SOON, sweetie, I don't want to break your heart!” Remember to keep it playful.

Again, I could be wrong about you, but it’s just the vibes I get from your post. How far were you about to travel to meet this particular girl? Glasgow?? I hope for your sake that you live near Glasgow, or were at least planning to take a vacation there anyway! Forgive me for sounding like a pretentious little prick.

Doing the opposite of what I feel (Like George Costanza did) is something I'm doing as well, and especially with the tit staring thing! It’s what I did when I learned the word ‘supplication’.

A guru master: Commenting on: "GoneSavage This goes right along with the Little Sister Frame. This is what I used to do to my little sister. Tell her to do something pointless. Like tell her to hold something, when I didn't even need my hands free. "Hey, hold this for a minute..." Or tie my shoe or whatever. Then I say, "Hahaha I OWN you!" Embarrasses her. It was always fun to get her over and over.") Thanks for the new trick! My penis and I would like to thank you.

Commenting on: "Here's a question for Sis and those who use the Little Sister Frame. How do YOU transition from this into being sexual? It's a great attitude and definitely allows casual comfort, but in my experience, in my field, it usually hinders getting intimate. With me, it reduces lust so much that often I don't even think about closing."):

This is a comment about YOUR state. Maybe we shouldn't call it the little sister frame. After all, who wants to close their SISTER! YUK!

But I usually have no problem tuning on the lust after doing this. That’s because I absolutely love interrupting patterns. I'll go from total ‘asshole/joker/teaser’ and STRAIGHT to sincere. Just as an example:

“HA HA look at your nose! HA HA HA….see, now she’s trying to get upset. See how these women try to control us??? Do me a favor, hold this. HA HA, NOW look who’s in control.”

Then I IMMEDIATELY change my state into calm/cool/sincere, move in close, soften my voice and say, “You having fun?” (Her (Shocked and thrown off balance) "Uh…yeah...") “I'm glad, because I want you to think of me as your vacation away from the stress of life. Think about it, wouldn't it be nice to be around a guy that you can just really LET GO and be yourself around? Someone who makes you laugh, someone that you can really….connect…you know? I don't know about YOU, but I….would love to meet someone like that!” Then I either slap her on the ass or tickle her and walk away. She will just stand there, in shock if you play this right.

I believe they call this fractionation. I like it because I'm showing her that I'm not AT ALL intimidated, I'm funny, in control, AND romantic as hell, too! Let’s see, unpredictable, spontaneous, fascinating….you get the point.

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Nightlight9: (Commenting on: "Mystery said Leill? I've seen her around the self-improvement circuit...chick looks like she's been to Joan River's plastic surgeon on a VERY bad day. Is her stuff really that good?)

I'm reading how to be a people magnet, and so far (~30 pages) I learned two things. Agreed with about 60% of it (some of it really basic). Disagreed with about 30% of it (some of it's really AFC ). Good for beginners to get the basics. No more, so far.

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Melissa (from private email): My boyfriend and I are doing wonderful and things are going better than I ever thought they would. He treats me like a queen and loves me so much. I am happy and I have not been happy for a long time. I was out with my girlfriend on Friday night and this guy that she kind of likes was there as well. This was the third time I have ever seen him. It was kind of weird and I don't know if I can properly explain it, but I will try. I did not think too much of him. He is attractive, intelligent enough (he knows nothing about music and I consider that a huge flaw in anyone) and he is pretty entertaining so I don't mind hanging out with him. When we were out, he and I ended up talking alone for about ten minutes and at the end of our conversation he said "you know" and I said "I know what?", having a pretty decent idea what he was referring to, but not positive so I kept asking him until he told me that he liked me a lot and if I was not with my boyfriend he wanted to be with me. I was kind of floored, kind of flattered and kind of turned on and off at the same time. What kind of man hits on another man's woman, especially when he has hung out with him? On the other hand, I have not been interested in any guys since I met my boyfriend and I thought he was cool enough and there was a tiny little something, but really nothing. Bottom line, if I was single I would perhaps sleep with him, but I would not get into a relationship with him. He has too much baggage. I told him I did not know what to say and he said it was okay because he already knew. On Saturday night, I went out with my boyfriend to celebrate his birthday and we ran into this guy and my friend. He told me that he could not stop thinking about all of the ways he wanted to fuck me, I was buzzed so I laughed it off. I have to say though that I felt guilty for even entertaining the thought of being with someone else, but it did make me wonder if I do decide to marry him if I want a last fling. I am still undecided.

A few other thoughts about the above:

1) When we went out on Friday night and were at breakfast he told me that he thought I was more into my boyfriend then he was into me, because my boyfriend did not seem passionate. This was very interesting to me for two reasons. One because he noticed (why was he watching?) and two because he is correct about my boyfriend's lack of passion. He does not jump up and down with excitement, it is not him. He is passionate with me, but not like I am. I am bubbly and very affectionate in public or wherever. (He told me he is like me and very passionate about everything.) He noticed all of this though and my friend that was with us got annoyed and quickly defended my boyfriend. I sat there and smiled thinking he was not as stupid as I originally thought.

2) He gave me a massage in the car after breakfast and our little chat and I did not think much of his liking me (guys always seem to want what they can't have and my friend that he has been hanging out with is a bit irritating and I am much better in comparison), but when he put his hands on me I got chills from my head (yes, he massaged my head) to my toes and it was strangely sexual even though he did not touch me like that at all, I still felt it. Whatever it is.

3) When I ran into him on Saturday night I had quite a few drinks and was feeling really good when I walked up to him (about ten feet away from my boyfriend) and said, "I know you were going to kiss me last night." He said, "Yes, I was and did you want me to?" Much to my dismay I said "Maybe" and smiled.

I am not going to cheat on my boyfriend and I don't even want to go there, but I had not thought about how much I was settled down until Friday and it was a smack of reality. For one minute I wanted to be single, take him home and fuck the shit out of him. I did not tell you earlier, but I invited him over tomorrow night. He said it sounded like a plan and he would call me. I hope he does not. I am walking into a fucking fire and knowing me I will get burned. I just don't know if it will leave scars. I just figured if we hung out casually I would figure it was a moment of insanity. All I remember about the whole event is that two minutes after I told him I never have had any doubts about my love and future with my boyfriend, I had one and it scared the shit out of me. I wish I could say I was fucked up, but I was as sober as a nun and have no excuse. It was just the way I felt.

I did not think this story was all that interesting but I am glad you found it so.

Cliff's Comment: Your story is very interesting and instructional. I think men everywhere will be interested in how you, a woman with a serious boyfriend, got tempted by this guy who just seemed to have the balls to ignore everything other than what he wanted and go for it. And there you are finding it sexy and tempting to the point where you invited him over (like he's going to have milk and cookies with you....right!).