1 or 2 during a break and 3 or 4 after in his room

Cliff's Comments: Read this next post (which originally appeared in Mystery's Lounge and is reposted here with permission) from a real master. Doc has 9 regular girlfriends that he has had in his "harem" for the past 6 months. All of them told him that they "don't share" and he basically said "ok" and was walking away. All of them, however, came back (after all, they had at that point just met him, it wouldn't even be appropriate for them to insist on an exclusive arrangement so quickly) and have accepted the situation. All of them are intelligent, successful individuals with good careers and lifestyles, and all of them have told him that when he finally decides to settle down and get serious, that they want to be the one he does that with. Hopefully we will hear a lot more from Doc on his great ideas.

Doc: Shield Destroyer I have tried this out 3 times this week alone, and it works like gold. Victim: HB player (she once gave 9 AFC 's the exact same time and date for ice-cream, and when they all showed up, she told them that she couldn't decide which one she liked best and to fight it out amongst themselves - brilliant!!) I meet HB player for drinks after work, show up 30 minutes late. She's pissed off. I'm totally unapologetic and brush off her attitude that she is giving me for being late. "Yeah, I'm late. But hey, I'm so busy 'cause I'm in demand so I took some time out of my busy schedule to be with you. Are you gonna give me attitude or are we gonna have a great time". Didn't wait for an answer. Turn my back to her and start convo with this guy across the restaurant who just ordered the biggest fucking hamburger I've ever seen. The whole restaurant is laughing at me busting this guys balls and challenging him to eat the whole thing (I mean it was really huge). The whole restau
rant is n
ow into this and cheering this guy on to finish this Monster burger. HB player changes attitude and is now laughing along with everyone, so I turn back my attention to her. And I start convo about "This guy with the burger is awesome. I respect his courage to try pushing his limits like that . This is wild, bigger than life - this guys hamburger blah, blah, ......what was the wildest most daring thing you've ever done?" (I've now told her what I value - daring, not afraid of challenge, intensity - and I am challenging her to meet my values.) Now she is totally into this. She scubas, maybe skydive one day, etc.... Go into Discovery Channel story "this guy on Discovery who designs amusement park rides.... wanna know what the most important things are in designing a new ride....." She is also a shrink so we were exchanging stories about weird patients (yeah, shrinks talk about their patients for fun) and she tells me the weirdest experience was of a patient of hers who once ejaculated in her office while talking
to her just by fantasizing about her. I was killing myself laughing and busted her balls about being able to make men cum with no contact. So I start teasing her: "You must be good. I wonder if it would work on me. I mean, I've been with some great lovers, but nobody has ever made me cum without actually touching me. Ha ha." I cut it short right there after about 1 hour cause I'm getting kind of bored and don't want to stale out. So I get up and put my jacket on without saying a word. She's confused and asks if I'm leaving. I say "That was great but I gotta go... come with me". Walk out of lounge holding hands. As I go in for a kiss close she pulls back. I laugh "so all of a sudden you're shy" (Remember, this girl is a real player and eats AFCs alive all the time. So I try again. "Wanna kiss me?" She pushes me back smiling cause now she knows she is in control and starts saying good bye and walking away. Problem is she is still holding my hand, saying good bye and pulling me as she walks away. I start laughin
g at her out loud and she asks why I'm laughing. So I say "you're funny. I think you don't really know what you want or you don't have the courage to really take a risk cause you tell me you don't want to kiss me and then say good bye, but you won't let go of my hand and are pulling me towards you. What's up with that? ha ha ha." HB answers "I'm not sure I want to be intimate with you yet". I say "Intimate? I'm not that easy. I am very selective about who I chose to be intimate with, and that person has to have a lot to offer. I mean, I don't just want some fast food sex with someone who is only about looks... I want a gourmet meal that is going to be a sensual experience with someone who can turn me on body, mind and soul. And frankly I don't know that you are that type of person ... You really haven't given me any reason to even want to be intimate with you!" HB "Then why are you here with me?" Me "Do you think that just because I accept to go out with you means that I want to sleep with you..h
a ha. That's
pretty chauvinistic. Could you imagine if a guy said that "Just cause the girl is out on a date with me means that she wants to sleep with me..." You're pretty macho for a girl..a real chauvinist pig." Instantly she is floored. I don't think that anyone has ever turned this girl down in her entire life.... for anything. Especially not for sex. I can see the hamsters in her head spinning in overtime... she has never had this situation. She has always pushed guys away. She is in damage control now. She breaks a long silence (I never broke eye contact with her). She says "I have to admit, I feel so vulnerable right now. I don't know what to do. I mean I like you a lot but I'm afraid that I'll lose you if I don't do the right thing. Don't pull back ok?" Then she leans in for the kiss and invites me to her place. I turn her down and say, "maybe next time, I'm not sure about you yet". She calls me the same night and asks me to come over again (testing to see if she can regain control). Turn her down again.
She's di
sappointed and now she's losing me, so I throw in "I have some free time tomorrow at noon, bring lunch and you could come by my place". Closed the deal there and fucked her at my place.

Matthew A: Comments for Carlos: Sexual Ecstasy is when all your body, your soul and your heart is in on the sexual moment. Matthew A.: By sexual moment, are you referring to orgasm, or the act of making love? Yesterday I received a book of NLP called Know How by Leslie Cameron-Bandler and found a chapter on sex. In this chapter, Leslie Cameron-Bandler talks about 3 things: 1. Your beliefs or complex equivalence about sex should be congruent with the enjoyment of it. Complex equivalences as sex = natural, sex = expression of love, sex = pleasurable. As with any other action or behavior, if you are not being congruent with your belief system, you are not enjoying what you are doing. 2. Attending to sensation in the outgoing present. She talks about a state of being here and know in up time. In the moment. 3. Flexibility in order to change your behavior in order to fulfill the criteria for pleasure of your partner. I would add, "with boundaries." Recently, I ha
ve been reading Pe
ter J. Carroll about the over-stimulation (whether it be pleasure or pain,) and how that leads to a destructive, self-sabotaging attitude towards the rest of one's life, because you become obsessed with instant gratification. (My read.) She also outlines a complete exercise called "Arousing your Interest". In this book I found all that I wanted regarding using NLP for better sex. > If I were you, I would focus on gaining more pleasure with what is already there. Hyper-Emperia, Hypnosis for Sex, and you mentioned becoming multi-orgasmic, and to that I recommend "The Multi-Orgasm Man" written by Mantak Chia. I don't know if you are interested in Tantric practices. If you are curious, start with some simple reading and judge for yourself. Carlos: I do have the Hyper-sex book and haven't used their info yet. I haven't found any book about Hypnosis for Sex. Could you send me some names? That NLP book seemed to be what you needed. Regarding Being Multi-orgasmic. I bought a book by a Venezuelan Sex
ual Doctor that ha
s a complete program of exercises. I am gonna begin the program with the help of this doctor. You can find info on: www.mens-sexuality.com/ I'd love to hear what you think about it.

GameMaster: > Maximillian Hell: Relationships and the paranormal are not the same thing. I never disputed that they might be into relationships--you might note that Mystery keeps those two categories separate.

GameMaster: Paranormal is the wrong word. It has a bad connotation and conjures up all sorts of visuals and keys the imagination in a negative way, much like the misunderstood word "occult" which simply means things that can't be explained by accepted scientific methods. All religions are occult sciences, basically. I've personally found that relationships and mutual interest in things metaphysical can thrive as long as there is an intellectual interest on your partner's behalf to allow such a thing. I've had girlfriends that were completely fascinated by all this stuff and literally lived for the next mental exercise that permitted them to walk to the edge of society in this manner. I used to avoid these topics with girls I have already slept with but I really need people in my circle that connect with the full range of things I'm interested in so I've been pushing the dark side lately with amazingly positive results....even with my little Sunday School teacher girlfriend. Again, not too many limits to a wom
an's curiosity and depravity after you've fucked em'.

Ross & GameMaster (old comments begin with ">", new ones don't): > GameMaster: 1) I don't hate women, in fact l love women....even adore some on my frequent call list if you won't hold that word against me. However, I will not allow myself to be shocked or surprised by anything they do in a relationship.

Ross: Why isn't this sound advice for all humans, men or women? GameMaster: Because life is not some idealistic joyride to Baskin Robbins everyday with people who are sworn for life to love, nurture, and protect your emotional health that's why. > GameMaster: Just because I refuse to buy into the new wave of liberal tolerance and mandated "love your brother man" bullshit doesn't mean I'm incapable of sustaining a very intimate relationship with someone that qualifies under my strictly enforced rules! My world, my rules. Shoot me. And one of my rules is that once the rules have been established, the "One Strike" rule is in effect.

Ross: Well, I'm surely no liberal. I do think what the thinker thinks, the prover proves. If you go along, and your first and primary sorting criteria is "hotness" to the sole exclusion of everything else, then you are likely to select people who move towards whatever is most stimulating in their environment. I keep trying to make this point: it isn't that these people are heartless (though that is one way to look at it), it is that they only notice what stimulates them most. Of course then, once you cease to be that, they will move on to something else. I am 100% in favor of recognizing, clearly, whom you are dealing with and how they act in the world. I just think it is more accurate to view strippers, emotionally disturbed women who adore drama, etc. as being stimulation junkies more than "heartless cunts". I also think there is a relationship between add (attention deficit disorder) and women who seek out pain, abuse, etc. etc. They need this additional level of stimulation just to feel awake! I
would cal
l it radd (Romantic Attention Deficit Disorder). If a guy enjoys stimulation, great. If he enjoys it to the exclusion of other things entirely (companionship, friendship, fun, etc.) then great too. Just be aware of the other things that come along with such a lifestyle. that is all I am saying.

GameMaster: One must be a liberal tree hugger in order to understand all this "thinker thinking prover proving" stuff. Like a lot of what Wilson writes it doesn't make any sense. I move towards people that are compatible with my environment...what the mover moves, the doeser does! Women that seek out pain and abuse are imho on the average very hot. And I've never seen anyone experience radd while they had a dick in their ass. Doesn't matter if Uncle Bob got there first or not. > GameMaster: 3) "GameMaster is a spiritually unclean alcoholic and drug abuser." I thought this discussion forum was about women and seduction?

Ross: I'm just pointing out something: every human wants stimulation. some humans have an excessive need for it and they tend to select others who have excessive needs for it. Often, that excessive need extends to other things that aren't healthy. that is all I am saying.

GameMaster: Science has proven that certain recreational chemicals have permanent positive lasting effects on not only the brain, but your consciousness as well. For example, Robert Anton Wilson himself enjoyed a regular diet of the same regimen endorsed by Dr. Leary in the 60's. How do you think he comes up with all this 23rd Century stuff anyway? Must be ginkgo or something, huh? Humans were not put on this planet to suffer the limited use of our collectively de-evolved 5% of their neurocircuits although we have all been programmed to believe that's the way things are. Native Americans figured this out a long time ago. Any disagreement with their "excessive religious" ceremonies? The only thing that's unhealthy in this equation is the public brainwashing that teaches that consciousness raising facilitators like mdma, lsd, Psylicybin, Mescalin, and other naturally derived brain boosters are unhealthy. They aren't. I'm not endorsing anything here, just bashing the horseshit disinformation th
e public has been
fed for the last 35 years since the positive "awareness" effects of these chemicals have on the general public became a target for politics. and that is all I have to say about this.

Mystery: >>Vinigarr: Let me tell you this; chicks are into the paranormal, the unknown, relationships, psychic phenomena, astrology, etc. etc. >Maximillian Hell: Relationships and the paranormal are not the same thing. I never disputed that they might be into relationships--you might note that Mystery keeps those two categories separate.

Mystery: I agree the two are separate but I do my best to relate the two together into the same story. Like the Spells Opener and the additional Spells Story: how my friend met a girl who was a witch. Getting back to the point though, if I only talk about relationships I don't evoke much curiousity (which makes the girl begin to qualify and chase me). I must be mysterious, open a lot of conversational threads (multi-thread theory) and consciously not close them (open loop theory). "Do you know what happened next? Oh hold on a sec my friend wants me for a sec." Cliffhang your convo-threads on purpose! This is one way to build curiousity from your Mystery but it's a small piece of the puzzle. She won't hang around to let you begin the threads if you don't talk about something she strongly believes in, right? Now this is where the truth of our culture must come into play. thought contagions. More people believe in God than
don't in our culture, right? And God is for many people supernatural. She is more likely t
o buy into angels and heaven and souls too if she is buys the god theory. Once one supernatural belief is placed in her head (by her parents most likely seeing as most religious people got their beliefs from mom and dad), the logical fallacy that let it in lets them all in (or many more at the very least). From my experience in the field (think about the amount of experience I have seriously, just quantifying it would stagger some of you), I have discovered most women believe in God. Is that sad? From a humanist perspective it sure is scary. And with that comes all the others ... ghosts and souls and angels and chi energy and witches and vampires. They are thought contagions (viruses of the mind). Don't hate the girl or call her low quality because she was raised in our crazy culture. Mirror her beliefs at first (be interested in the supernatural, too) and later[/
em] you can tell her you've been having some doubts and then explain why. This way, you first convey mystery building curiosity which allows you more tim
e to convey your personality. She becomes fascinated by all you know about the things she [em]already believes in and then you get in a relationship and you throw doubt into it all. If you don't first convey mystery ... you don't build curiosity ... and you don't get a chance to convey enough personality for her to choose to see you a second time. And you don't get in a relationship and you don't have a chance to give her the doubt she needs by showing her the logical fallacies that exist in her believing in all the nonsense. So what is the entire point of this train of thought? This: If you look only for the smart girls, you'll be a very lonely boy. >Cliff's Comments: Do I even have to say that my vote is totally against lying? I know that there are guys out there that will say anything to get what they want (and, frankly, I enjoy reading their stories), but how much of an accomplishment is it to get what you want by having to be dishonest and misleading? That doesn't convince me that
the guy's a good PUA , only
a good con artist.

Mystery Replies: I'm an stage illusionist and therefore blur the line between fiction and reality on a daily basis. If a beautiful woman witnesses first hand my levitating her beer bottle between her hands, she will ask, "how'd you do that?" Now, I have a choice to tell the truth or not. If I say, "I don't know", I'm actually lying because I do know! (It's called The Power-Levitation Principle ~ see the vid clip at www.Mysterymethod.com under the "who is mystery?" question on my MM faq.) An illusionist lives lies. Am I as famous as I pretend to be? no fucking way! But do I appear to be famous when I meet a girl? Sure thing. How? Well, I have a crowd around me for one (but not always). I dress like a star (but not always). I act like one (but not always). I sign autographs (but not always). I hang with cool people, sometimes with real celebrities (but not always). I mingle with hot women and act like I'm used to it (and strangely, I think
now I actually am). If I go to an exotic dance club, the manager ends up
shaking my hand, telling me I'm incredible and buying me a drink. Women and men buy me drinks every night. My stories include the famous cool friends I know (I faked it til I actually met them and appeared interesting enough to them to talk to me ~ and sometimes even date me). My stories include my stories of my travels and my stage work. I show photos of me with famous people, of my stage shows and now even video clips on my Sony Clie Palm Pilot of my stage show, my talk show appearances and documentaries. It took a long time to compile all this. Is it all true? Well, yes but it's not true that I'm really as famous as I appear to be due to the momentum of showing all this at once. This took years to compile. It took a lot of effort to create my image. All my stories are based on reality now. For instance, I don't use the Ricky Lake Opener ... only because I now have better stories. They are more interesting because I endeavor to live an inter
esting life. Did I start out interesting? Nope. So how does one con
vey an adventurous lifestyle is one does not live it? You can creatively imagine that you have one and can grow into it. Women believe I can levitate objects. Can I really? Well, as an illusionist, I can't say I can levitate things. But I of course don't say it's not real. Is this ... a lie? Am I a ... con artist for this? Or ... am I simply a performing artist? Am I really even a performing artist? Or do I just pretend I am and convince people to book my show? And then I perform it and they pay me and say thank you so much. Did I con them into thinking I'm a performer? So long as you deliver the goods, then its not a con. But how does someone be famous before they are? They fake it til they make it. How does one be a ladies man before they are one? We must also fake having an adventurous life until we can live it. You lie about your travels
first and then you get so used to the lies that you begin to feel weird if you don't travel more. Women love a man of travel. When you say, "I'm leaving in 2 days to go b
ack to my city", isn't it strange that you have more chance of getting her? You'd figure saying you live in the same city would make her want you more. After all, if it works out, she wants you to live close to her, right? But that isn't the case strangely. So ... you lie. And when you actually travel ... you don't lie. Haaa, I have a solution. When she asks, "what do you do?" you say, "I'm a liar." solved.

Cliff's Comments: I think there's a big difference between revealing magicians' secrets and lying - I think that it should be clear that the lying we are talking about are things like when she asks you if you have a GF and you say no when you do. These are relevant subjects. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling someone you don't want to tell them something (eg. how you did that trick). I don't think you really lie either - unless you tell them it is real magic and that you learned it on a trip to India where you met a fakir, etc. etc. Conning is when you tell them what you think they want to hear when it may have nothing to do with the truth. Your comment about saying "I'm a liar" actually reminds me of an interesting story. A girl I was seeing had a friend who met this guy. In their early conversations, he told her friend that he's a liar. He didn't apologize for it, just made it as sort of his failing and something he has to live with (and her, too, by implication). You'd think
that she'd dump him (in line with all those admonitions about how they are looking for honesty) but no, she dated him for some time. I didn't get any further stories about this, but I can imagine that anytime he got himself in a box he already had his story all set up. >Justin: The thing that I am most curious about is how Mystery and other people that have similar styles can do these routines and stories on girls or even groups in a club. The music is so loud I have to be almost yelling so my wingman can hear me. It seems to me that the best way to do things at a club is to just walk up and grab/dance with a girl and make some fun small talk and be done with talking. How do you guys do it???

Mystery: There are several solutions to this. Firstly, clubs are the place to be because there are several opportunities in a small area. You have many groups not only to cut the time between sets and thereby increase your experience but also to allow the social proof created by being the center of groups to assist you in opening the groups you approach next. There is a noise problem. There are solutions to this too: 1) Stay away from the speakers. Don't approach girls who can't hear you. There are lots of girls on the dance floor sure but you can't convey your personality to them because your weapon/instrument is your voice. Sure there are less girls off the dance floor, but there are more worthy girls there than at bus stops. 2) Keep to the quieter lounging areas of the club. There are always quieter areas. 3) Peacock. Dress to stand out and not fit in. This conveys your confidence and personality above the noise. 4) Socialize.
When you approach a group after just being in a group, your ope
n is much easier to obtain. They see you with women and are not threatened by you when you approach. 5) The music is an invisible curtain that can change a 5set into a 2set. What I mean is, you can only talk and have 2 people hear you in the group. That's ok. You don't have to engage the entire group ... unless one of the others joins in and then you must switch over to disarming that person. How? "Hey man, Sally here was telling me that she thinks Poltergeist was based on reality. What's your take on it, bro?" Bring the obstacles into the convo but only when they are within earshot. 6) smile A lot. 7) Befriend the peergroup by going around to each in turn if necessary. By doing this you are actively ignoring the target . Put something in the target 's hand to keep her there so she doesn't run off while you are engaging each person in convo. Like a rune pouch or your photos (photo routine). Finally you will be able to say, "can I talk with your friend for
a bit?" as you point to the target ? They will say "su
re, if it's ok with her". This is perfect because now you can isolate your target from the group and already have peer group acceptance. So not only will nobody bug you when you are with your target on the couch, but the ignoring her but being the life of the party will make her desire to get your attention. and she thinks all her friends like you so you are in. 8) When you isolate your target from her peer group, sit somewhere quieter! If all this seems impossible, email any of the guys who was seen me in action live. Their email addy's are found on my faq ( www.Mysterymethod.com ).

Mystery on building a stable: It's funny, that we have to review the basics because we forget. I used to tell everyone that. start with 7s and 8s and then when you have them, upgrade. Push out the lower girls for the hotter girls as you go. Now, I guess I gave this advice like it was for newbies or something. No. It's for experienced guys, too. If they have no women again for some reason, it's time to start with 7s and 8s. I mean if you cant find 10s, still enjoy the pursuit of the lesser girls and get your momentum going.

Cliff's Comments: I think a little qualifying what is a "10" is worth mentioning. There are a number of different things I would like to mention. Firstly, it's funny how attractive women become when they want to fuck you. Secondly, I am sure you've run into women that, while they may not be 10's they may exude a powerful sexual aura and you really want to do them even though they aren't 10's (the point is, that you should not rule out a woman only because maybe she won't be rated so highly by your peers as she may really do it for you in other ways). Thirdly, I think everyone has different ideas of what a "10" is - for example, I seem to remember you remarking somewhere that to you Winona Ryder was a "10" and she would be barely an "8" to me. So then, what is a 10?

Mystery: I feel SO much better when I go out. I had an old friend visit and I and No9 went out last night. Not far, just to a club near here. It was a stank hole with nothing of my quality til I saw one girl at the bar. I approached. It was great fun. She was once a 10. I mean a real ten. but she was 34 now so it was just starting to lower her rating, but still, hot. And she knew it. The negging was killer haaa. "You perfume smells like ... my mother." "Ever go rolling blading? Yeah, maybe it's a good thing you don't anymore. you might break your hip." "You need gum," etc. She was negging my hat. "You are a handsome guy, but that ugly hat has got to go." "I hate that hat." "Your black nails make you look like you are living in 1989." She was fun. I totally wrapped her around my finger though her BF was the bartender. I isolated her from him and her friends after befriending them all (not the BF as he was busy) and we were cuddling as I did the evolution sc
ript. She was so into me but at the close she didn't b
ite because of the boyfriend but it was like she wanted my contact info "if they have a brakeup: or something." I didn"t but it was great to work a 10. It's SO different than regular girls. Neg theory was designed for the 10s. and it works! I went home alone ... but the set was a great success imho. I went in not knowing and came out knowing she was taken (for real) ... and in the process, was able to make her attracted to me (it was quite clear). In fact, my game is now polished to go for HBs specifically. That's why I don't enjoy engaging Bs ... I over-qualify myself and blow myself out with some of my shit.

Mark B.: I have been using only positive things to do and say to women in the past week on two women and both of them kissed me first without me even trying. This shit works. See last letter. I have been reading The Dirt, autobiography of Motley Crue. There all members of the band including their managers as well as a few others discuss some of the more interesting moments in the life of the band. The lead singer, Vince Neil, would sometimes fuck as many as 20 women per day. He would line up groupies against a wall and then fuck them all like an obstacle course. During a more regular day, he would fuck a couple of girls before a concert, one or two during a break during the concert and three or four after in his room. He fucked his manager's girlfriend while he waited right outside his trailer for him to come out. On the Motley Crue jet he was forbidden to fuck the stewardess as well as her from fucking him. He fucked her anyway in the bathroom. Once while riding in a helicopter to a concert
he had a bottle of Jack on one hand while a blond head bobbed up and down in his lap. He fucked all of the girlfriends of all his band member as well. His technique was not talk to women or try to seduce them with words but simply "bend them over, take off their pants and fuck them". Granted he is Vince Neil of Motley Crue but I also have found that most of the time it is useless to ask a woman to fuck or to do anything sexual. You just have to initiate the action, touch her, kiss her, undress her and start fucking her without asking. If she is not into it then she will stop you. If she wants to get fucked she will let you go on without saying anything. It seems as though they do not want to admit they want to get fucked as that would make them look trashy but deep down inside they know they want it but want to absolve themselves of the responsibility to not saying anything but simply allowing you to do it to her.

Now we all think that being in a Motley Crue type of band guarantees success with women or that if you do not have a bad boy image you do not have a chance with gorgeous women. Tommy Lee waited almost two months before Heather Locklear fucked him. And even then she would not do everything in bed. When he met Pamela Lee he had to ask her 10 times for her number before she gave it to him. Then he called her for 6 weeks straight while she told him she was too busy to see him. She then told him she had some time and told him to meet him in a hotel lobby at 6 pm. He arrived and waited until 2 am. She never showed up. He called her and she told him that she was flying to Mexico for a shoot and that she will see him when she gets back. When he told her he would follow her down there she insisted that he does not. He went anyway, found her in Cancun where she finally relented. They were married four days later on the beach as you may all remember. Later after their kids were born she ignored him and in an at
tempt to
get attention one night after months of neglect, he began throwing pots and pans around the house. She punched him, called the police and had him arrested for assault. He was sentenced to 6 months in jail out of which he sent her love letters begging for her forgiveness even though he did not touch her. All the while she was fucking some former boyfriend behind his back. Tommy Lee AFC ? Hell yeah.

Another band member Nikki Sixx had his wife cheat on him and while he undertook divorce proceedings. Pam Lee set him up with Donna Doricco or something like that (a member of the Baywatch cast). On their first date, they drive to his mansion where they got drunk and fucked all night. In the morning, he woke up and found her gone. She said all this was too much for her to handle. And we thought Rock Stars had it easy. He called her later where she reluctantly agreed to see him. They dated for a while after that. Moral to me is that all men, no matter how rich or famous still have to deal with female reluctance, uncertainty and all other issues they bring to the table and regardless of who you are with some persistence and work I believe anyone can have the hottest babes.

Mike: I am looking for a diet would bring calmness and health. I'm actually looking for some dieting tips, seeing that I have noticed a correlation between what I eat and my emotional states especially in relation to feeling good to go after women. Any comments?

Halbmike: Seven Unexpected Keys to a Happy Marriage John Gottman has a 90% success rate at picking out which couples will get divorced and which couples won't. He has identified 7 keys to an effective marriage. I think # 4 is especially interesting for members of this list.

So many of these guys are so concerned about hoops, supplication, neging, power, and David D'Angelo's always say "no" principle ( LTR suicide) that they are hurting themselves. I think the subject of achieving balance here can lead to some interesting and useful discussion. Many people also need to understand that the tactics and communication skills that get you laid initially often have to evolve over time if you want an LTR or want to keep getting laid by the same person. I think this could be a good discussion topic.

The Seven Unexpected Keys to a Happy Marriage

(Note: While these keys were originally identified in the context of marriage, they have been found equally valid in creating other forms of "long-term stable romantic relationships". Stop snickering in the back of the class... :-)

If I ask you to imagine a laboratory, chances are you will envision long granite tables, Bunsen burners, test tubes, and white coated technicians. But the laboratory set up by Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington to study marriage and what makes a long-term romantic relationship sustainable is a little bit different.

Essentially, Dr. Gottman's lab is a comfortable apartment (with one way mirrors!) where couples interact for 12 hours a day over the course of a weekend. After studying hundreds of couples in both the "apartment lab" and a more traditional facility which has become affectionately known as "the love lab", Dr. Gottman has a 90% accuracy rate in predicting divorce!

Fortunately, he has also turned his hand to identifying what makes successful marriages work, and has identified seven key traits of a happy marriage. While one or two of these may fall under the category of "duh" (key number 7 could essentially be translated as "say more nice things to each other"), many of them are surprising and remarkably easy to apply.

1. Seek Help Early

The average time a couple in distress waits before first seeking outside help is six years; 1/2 of the marriages which end do so in the first seven years.

Do the math, and if you need to, get outside help. In the uk, you might consider trying Relate ( www.relate.org.uk); I was unable to find a centralized service in the us, but found some interesting resources at www.counseling.com .

2. Edit Yourself

Perhaps surprisingly, happy couples do not necessarily express everything they are feeling when they are feeling it, particularly when feeling anger.

This does not, however, have to lead to inauthenticity and partial communication. As my friends and fellow life coaches Scott Wintrip and Jay Perry say, you can learn to "say what you mean without saying it mean."

3. Soften your "Start-Up"

One of the traits that has proved a reliable indicator of the state of a marriage is how quickly an argument starts up. If you and your partner can go from calm to at each others throats faster than a sports car goes from 0 to 60, take a look at what triggers the "explosions" and do what you can to build in a pause between stimulus and response.

(The value of "counting to 10" before responding may seem to be an old wives' tale, but perhaps it explains why the women who told them were still wives, even at their age... :-)

4. Accept Influence

In what has to qualify as my wife's favorite key, Gottman's research shows that:

"A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife... A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is so crucial because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well."

This isn't to say that you need to become a doormat for the whims of your spouse, as is borne out by key number five...

5. Have High Standards

While the research has shown that "the lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road", it's not too late to raise the bar on your relationship.

If you want to find out more about setting and enforcing boundaries within a loving relationship, check out Stand Up for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson or for a specifically Christian perspective, Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

6. Learn to Repair and Exit the Argument

In the movie "Overboard", spoiled heiress Goldie Hawn finds herself having to care for plumber Kurt Russell's five sons. When he comes home and asks how her day went, she is only capable of uttering one word - "Erp!". For several couples I know, the word "Erp!" has become their signal to one another that they have had enough (for the moment) and need a time out from even the most "productive" argument.

set up a signal with your partner (possibly from a favorite comedy show or movie) that either of you can use to interrupt the pattern of an argument and give you both a chance to "go to the balcony" and re-evaluate the importance of what it is you are arguing about in the context of your relationship.

If it really matters, (and of course it occasionally does), you can re-start the discussion when you are feeling re-connected with one another.

7. Focus on the Bright Side

Stephen R. Covey talks about each partner in a relationship having an "emotional bank account". Happy relationships are happy at least in part because both people's emotional bank accounts are in credit.

Find out from your partner what constitutes a deposit (often kind words and supportive actions) and what constitutes a withdrawal. As a general rule, seek to make at least five deposits for every withdrawal, and be aware that if things haven't been going well for a while, it may take some time for you to pay off your emotional overdraft!

Today's Experiment: A simple if not necessarily easy experiment today - discuss the seven keys with your partner! Listen to, understand, speak to be understood, and come up with an action plan to implement the seven keys into your relationship, starting today.

For more information, (and some really fun self-tests!), visit www.gottman.com or check out The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

mikeneill@dailycoachingtip.com www.dailycoachingtip.com (visit the website to register for a free subscription)

Cliff's Comments: While I think that the subject of serious relationships is one that should be brought up here more often, I think there are some very unique ideas (as opposed to the rather lame, hit or miss ideas presented above) out there about how to manage them. I think that if you don't take into account the true nature of women, you are one day ultimately heading for disaster. I am reminded of GameMaster's story about how he was seeing this one woman for about 3 years until she finally got him to do what she wanted and behave as if they were going to have a normal relationship. Then she booted - you can't listen to what women say, you have to pay attention to what they do. There, she was attracted to the difficulty, the drama, the project to be worked on, etc. and once it was finally working out the way she said she wanted it to be, she lost interest. Not to say that all women are like this, but I think our high rate of couples breaking up has a lot to do with men not knowing how to really manage their relationships.