"Dick-whipped"?

Recently we were treated to another spectacular tale of seduction by Bishop on the SS list (www.speed-seduction.com/joinlist.html). One of the themes that came up which stuck me in a very strong way was that the woman he was talking about was a "polarity responder." Essentially, for those unfamiliar, this is a person who no matter what you say will respond with the opposite. Bishop mainly deals with this by using negation with some embedded commands, but he also shows a high degree of dexterity of maneuvering what he says to work around this trait. It occurred to me that a great number of the women that I have known in my life have been partial polarity responders (for example, and I am sure that many of you will relate to this, it can be yes, yes, yes, but no, no, no when you start to move towards getting sexual. I may not be explaining myself well here as that last description doesn't always apply, but it's like when you know that the possibility is there and she is resisting or diverting the direction of what you are doing and saying, despite the fact that deep down she may want you as well, I think this could qualify as selective polarity responding). I think the skills to deal with this truly effectively involve playing hard to get, doing take aways, and negation, but being truly skilled at handling this is among the biggest keys to getting the women that you want. Comments?

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Sam (Commenting on my request for suggestions "Before she left, I bent over closely to her and said in her ear "Good luck with Darren (the BF), but sometimes what you think you want (pause) can be very different (pause) from what will truly, (pause) DEEPLY fulfill you." She sits back, eyes wide open, and goes "Verrrry interesting!" and then asks for my business card. She gave me hers after (remember, this was a business function). I am not sure if I should follow up or not, and if so, how to. Suggestions?"): I like Ross's "If you're not with someone in the way you truly want him to be with you, then maybe we owe it to ourselves . . ."

My Comment: Perhaps I wasn't clear, but she returned to Montreal after being away 8 years because things look serious with this boyfriend. So that closer, I thought, wouldn't be appropriate since she just told me that the BF is serious.

SpaceLord (Commenting on "I am not sure the best way to go about it. I thought about waiting awhile and seeing if she calls me and if not, sending her an email as follows: 'Sometimes what you think you want, turns out to be different from what will truly, DEEPLY fulfill you. If, for at least once in your lifetime, you would like to experience an uncomplicated, unrestricted, uninhibited adventure of unbridled proportions, get back. Clifford' What do you think?"): Very good, hell Cliff, go ahead and call her while she's still hot. I don't believe in this "wait three days" bullshit. Take what you want-that's what turns women on...go get it and make no apologies for it.

My Comment: I sent that email about a week ago and got no response...

Ben (Commenting on "Mystery (Commenting on Clifford's comment that women have TV mentalities): They have MTV mentalities. The set should not go over 25 minutes - unless you instant date it. 25 is the MAX BTW - it should be 15 min. 5 to Close at 15 is best - over that and you enter damage zone."): This is the fucking coolest thing I have heard all week, and I can't wait to put it into play!! My game at the club scene is an on/off thing. I can dress, I have an ass-kicking attitude, I look like Tom Cruise, and I can dance moderately well. And sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough. I have girls smiling at me from across the room, staring at me when they're with their boyfriends, but when I ask them to dance I get blown-off - and, the times I've been the most successful, I've kept the pick-up under 20 minutes. This is from first sight to home. Then, I just pattern like crazy... usually, not much patterning is needed beyond safety and do it now... If I take too long, I get the shaft. This starts at first sight.
These two oh-my-God hot bodies were at the club last night, dancing in front of my view, about 5 or 6 feet away. I ignored them at first and just talked with my friends. Then later, I ASKED (slaps himself) one to dance. She said no. I shook my head, and said "Your loss" and on to the next one. Next one not nearly as hot though. I want the club skills needed to take girls who are there with boyfriends upstairs and bang them in the closet!

Stephanie: As far as women and sex goes I can not put it any more plainly. I think sex is about sex and I think women try to use it to get what they want on an emotional level without realizing how manipulating their actions are. When you are laying there having sex, unless there is a deep love there, you can not say that there is a bond, because sex with love is extremely different than sex without love. Anyone who has made love knows the difference and if they don't, then they know not of what they speak and therefore should shut up. Use it as a tool to screen clingy women who just want to drain you of your emotional energy. Trust me on this one! Women on the whole seem to be pretty dumb if they continue to underestimate men and using the thought process that to get what you want, you need not look further than manipulation. I don't know what fairy tales their Mothers were reading them, but mine were a bit more realistic. Do everything and more. When you think you can do no more, do more. Never, ever give u
p! That was my influence. Some people get lost upon the way. They should have been raised by my parents. Most people would not have lasted five minutes.

Generaly: Affirmations: I like to use the word "act" in my affirmations, as in "I act confident," as opposed to "I am confident." When I say that I am acting confident, that leaves my core identity at peace for a while and just depends on my acting ability (I'm now in acting school). The word "act" is kind of vague which makes it easier for me to use it without all kinds of self-questioning. There is a down side, using the word "act" usually requires that I take a little more responsibility for my life than I feel comfortable. However, this goes away the more I repeat my affirmations (I usually do this in my car). A friend of mine said that when we take full responsibility for our lives (easier to say than do), a sense of "profound loneliness" hits us. This is because we no longer have anyone that we can depend upon, we are all out there by ourselves. Whew! . . . So, I have found that looking in the mirror and laughing at myself for 5 minutes helps (absurd, huh?) when this type of thing hits me.

Blooey: I know in Canada we can not buy L-Tryptophan. I am not sure about importing into Canada though..... anyone have any clue?

My Comment: I am pretty sure you can get it through someone on the net. International Anti-Aging (www.antiaging-systems.com/) and some of the others will probably get it to you.

Linda (Commenting on: eclypz (Commenting on Mystery (Commenting to Adam): "Dude man, fight fire WITH fire - what you did was plain ol' AFC. Work on it cause as your self esteem raises, your behaviors will change to reflect the new levels of greatness that you will climb to. A TRUE PUA would not raise his voice and grab a girl's arm - he would simply vanish - she turns around and notices she doesn't have a ride home. A call from her the next day and you tell her you figured she was having such a good time with those guys that you didn't want to spoil the fun so you called your backup chick. That is what ANY TRUE PUA would do ... right Craig? Roadking? Sindrome_K?"): Well, I'm not so sure, Mystery. You see, I think Adam overreacted, yes. It was emotionally driven, yes (just as a side note, if you react, it doesn't matter whether it is logical or emotional- it's still a reaction. To RESPOND is in my opinion, the best move. By the way, long live those who incorporate logic AND embody emotion.). A
nyways, Mystery, I think the call is a very subjective one. You know, it might even be looked at as having a tantrum by leaving. I won't say I know exactly how to respond to that situation. I do know that somewhere between blowing up over it, and just leaving, lies the perfect balance.

Linda (Commenting on "Horndog (Commenting on Mystery (Commenting to Adam): "Regarding your behavior when your girl was having fun with the flirting: your behavior was casting huge proofs of insecurity. Dudes who behave like that have been labeled MORON in my book. "): Amen, Amen, and AMEN. This chyk is jerking your chain...a REAL PUA would use the situation to JERK HERS instead! "obtain a gaggle of girls around yourself rather than throw temper tantrum "Instead of parking your dumb AFC ass at the bar, go hit on all the other chyks in the joint. Why waste time stewing over the ho? "You wigged out like a mamby pamby CHICK." Again, DITTO. Jealousy is a game chyks just LOVE to play...they get jealous of each other, jealous of you, jealous of your hobbies, whatever. The minute you play along with that, you become just as much a woman as they are. "A TRUE PUA would not raise his voice and grab a girl's arm - he would simply vanish - she turns around and notices she doesn't have a ride home." Yeah,
baby! Sssspank de grrl! Knock some sense into her (figuratively speaking). You're placing too much importance on a specific chyk, a BIG no-no in the SS thing. All the millions of chyks in the world and you blow a gasket over THIS one? COME ON, buddy, do what Ross sez in the first book. GET A LIFE! A life that includes as many OTHER chyks as possible. When one drops the ball, blow her off and go tackle another one. If you come from some cultures where they consider this chyk's game an affront to one's manhood, answer me this: who's more of a man...the guy who's getting the crap knocked out of him beefing with other dudes, or the guy who walks off and continues banging all the other chyks he can get his hands on? "A call from her the next day and you tell her you figured she was having such a good time with those guys that you didn't want to spoil the fun so you called your backup chick." If it were me, I wouldn't even answer her calls (I have caller ID) for a couple of days, if ever. When you do talk to her ag
ain, be unavailable as you are going out with someone new. Reddog: (Commenting on "I had a hot blonde girlfriend for about 6 months, and when we decided to go to Brennan's, in Marina del Rey (a bar), she immediately whittled her way between a bunch of men playing darts. She quickly started flirting with all of them (an obvious test)...and they all pretty much formed a circle around her and nonchalantly wouldn't let me get near her... under the guise of waiting to play darts. At first I said, "Whatever!" I'm confident enough to know that she's coming home with me, not them. So I went off and got a beer and sat by myself. But then I started getting pissed. I mean... what a slam! We come to a bar to spend time together, and she wanders off and flirts with other guys??? This is a fucking insult. So I got up and grabbed her and told her "We're leaving... NOW!" Smoke must have been coming out of my ears. She tried to play dumb, saying things like, "Why are you so mad?" and "I was just playing darts?" Yeah, right. S
he was flirting, hardcore. So I said either she gets in the car or she can find her own way home. She got in the car and could tell that I was fuming... although I didn't say a word. I think it was the fact that I was ready to walk away from her and leave her... combined with the fact that I think she liked that I was jealous, and was MAN enough to do something about it. But by the time we got back on the highway, she was already begging me to pull over and get a hotel room because she couldn't wait the half hour it would take to get home to fuck my brains out. My point is, I'd probably ended up with a much different result if I tried to engage the group of guys with some kind of macho bullshit, rather than simply handling my woman. Remember... if some other guy is flirting with your chick... it's because SHE'S not using the bitch shield."): Not a bad approach at all. Alternatively, you could just turn the tables on her. Start flirting with some girl who's attractive enough to be a threat to her. If she's int
erested in holding on to you, she'll cut that off in a hurry. (This is still Linda): My comments to Adam, the guy with the flirty HB girlfriend: I would have to agree with eclypz, Horndog and Mystery. If you did all your SS homework, a woman wouldn't dare do some crap like that to you because she would be so dick-whipped and so scared of losing you that she'd be the one with the slight jealousy problem. She should be thinking that YOU'RE THE HOT BABE and not the other way around, that is if you were following Ross's advice. Although she ended up banging you that night, she thought you were a AFC and that she could flirt with other guys and get away with it. And I would have to underscore all the stuff the guys said about placing too much importance on one really stupid chyck, when there are so many other cool ones out there. Many of my guy friends get PW'd by one woman who obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about them and they get burned really bad. And then they carry this torch for this psycho woman. Dude,
if you are deep down inside a one-woman man, find one that respects the time she spends with you, a woman who does not treat you like an AFC, a woman with enough self-confidence that she doesn't need to feed off the attention from a bunch of horny drunken dartboys. I think Ross, yes, Ross, talks about this.

Adam (Responding to: Horndog (Commenting on Mystery (Commenting to Adam):Why waste time stewing over the ho? "You wigged out like a mamby pamby CHICK." Again, DITTO. Jealousy is a game chyks just LOVE to play...they get jealous of each other, jealous of you, jealous of your hobbies, whatever. The minute you play along with that, you become just as much a woman as they are. "A TRUE PUA would not raise his voice and grab a girl's arm - he would simply vanish - she turns around and notices she doesn't have a ride home." Yeah, baby! Sssspank de grrl! Knock some sense into her (figuratively speaking). You're placing too much importance on a specific chyk, a BIG no-no in the SS thing. All the millions of chyks in the world and you blow a gasket over THIS one? COME ON, buddy, do what Ross sez in the first book. GET A LIFE!"): Horndog... let me say, respectfully... you're off base on this one. SS is not about retreating to your car with your tail between your legs and disappearing... regardless of what you plan to do
once you get home. Perhaps if you're on a first date with a woman and she does this to you, okay, then you say "Fuck her," and walk. But not if you've been dating a woman for a few months and she's an otherwise good woman. My point? WOMEN TEST YOU in the beginning. PERIOD. They're just like dogs. You need to correct them when they get out of line and then establish a proper relationship. And let me remind you... I was being a class-act by driving her home with the intention of dropping her off and then never seeing her again. But she repented and paid her penitence... with her mouth. ;-) And it set the tone for the rest of the relationship... which ended up being pretty close to my ideal definition of a great relationship.

John: I have to comment on Red Dog's scenario. Personally I give him a B in his handling of the situation. The advice I've seen about leaving her at the bar is good advice........IF you want to play GAMES, be a jerk, and don't care to see her again. Flirting with other chicks is just playing Chick GAMES and when it comes to Chick games, girls are master players. Don't fight them on their home turf. My comments are below..... (Commenting on "Reddog: At first I said, "We're leaving... NOW!" Smoke must have been coming out of my ears. She tried to play dumb, saying things like, "Why are you so mad?" and "I was just playing darts?" Yeah, right. She was flirting, hardcore. So I said either she gets in the car or she can find her own way home. She got in the car and could tell that I was fuming... although I didn't say a word. I think it was the fact that I was ready to walk away from her and leave her... combined with the fact that I think she liked that I was jealous, and was MAN enough to do something about it."
): Good!! You had every right to be mad.

John (Continuing, commenting on "But by the time we got back on the highway, she was already begging me to pull over and get a hotel room because she couldn't wait the half hour it would take to get home to fuck my brains out. My point is, I'd probably ended up with a much different result if I tried to engage the group of guys with some kind of macho bullshit, rather than simply handling my woman. Remember... if some other guy is flirting with your chick... it's because SHE'S not using the bitch shield."): Not a bad approach at all. Alternatively, you could just turn the tables on her. Start flirting with some girl who's attractive enough to be a threat to her. If she's interested in holding on to you, she'll cut that off in a hurry. Taking her to the hotel was a mistake. If you made her pay for the hotel.....THEN your mistake was less grievous. I believe in rewarding good behavior and not rewarding bad behavior. Taking her to the hotel was rewarding her for playing the jealous card.............. You get wha
t you reward......

Ned (Commenting on "Mystery: It looks like we have met an impasse. What steps should we take to cross this barrier? bargirl: I guess we can't. Mystery: It was a pleasure meeting you."): This seems to call for Ross's 'Ratchet' pattern: bargirl: I guess we can't. Me: yeah, it's too bad you can't, but if you could can't you just imagine how great it would be to find a way to keep in touch anyway, and as you're thinking about that, isn't it funny how you find yourself mysteriously coming up with all sorts of reasons why you know you gotta make that happen? For your own reasons, reasons dwelled upon deep, deep inside, in that place where you think about what would truly deeply fulfill you. And it's too bad you can't allow yourself to explore that place and imagine how great it would feel to just this once to do that, now with me I find that's sad, but if you could, isn't it great how you begin to have certain thoughts, certain ideas, to the point where you think to yourself, hmmm.
.. fuck, now with me I find that sometimes life brings a great opportunity so rarely, I'd be a fool to let it pass by, and be kicking myself later... It was a pleasure meeting you.

Bill: In a fit of frustration a couple of days ago I left a killer message on one of those telephone interactive dating services off the cuff. In the past two days I have received 17 messages. After learning from my friend that the ads may develop a following, I decided to return to the lines about a week and a half ago. I got some response then changed my ad, still got some response, then was going to leave your knight ad. DAMN, I thought I just couldn't get it to fit the one minute time limit. So after about twenty minutes, fuck it. I spoke incredibly fast "Once upon a time there was a man who tried to leave a message on Telepersonals and found out he didn't have enough time because there was only one minute to record a message (slowing down) so anyway (exhale breath, and now speak slow) If you're looking for something special in a relationship and you can find perseverance to put up with the difficult things in life and be able to laugh at the small things and you're ready to enjoy something completely new
, consider this man and how he's able to handle the frustration of trying to record a message and can laugh about it. Leave him a message at box number XXXX." I believe a lot of it has to do with my delivery at times as there is laughter in my voice. The women respond often with laughter; it's a great ad they say. You have more experience on the phone lines. What is the best way for me to handle the response in the least amount of time? I came home today to two messages, and while I was listening to them 4 more came in. This is on top of what I already have to sort through. One who left a message, I checked her outgoing message and it was on a hypnosis theme. You are getting sleepy on the count of three, naturally I had to leave her a message. I was thinking about just telling them that I have had a lot of response and only those who left their phone number would be considered. Any Ideas, ASAP Please.

My Comment: While I have been reasonably successful using the telephone lines, I have witnessed others who are massively successful and were able to get a girl's phone number in an amazingly short period of time -- I was listening in and my impression was that this was a really hot babe, not a dreg. I was totally blown away (this guy in particular is not an impressive character, but he knows how to handle women. Lot of enthusiasm in his voice and a sense that he could slip away easily is about all I could figure out about what he was doing. It was more his style than what he said, from what I had heard). I think you need to set rules -- this worked reasonably well for me. Just tell them to give you their number and you'll call them when you can -- you are a busy guy and can't be sure when you will be in. You also should make it a policy -- you don't give out your phone number (or, if they already have your number because they left messages on your machine, you don't talk with women who are playing games with you and insist on having their real number just like they have yours). Stick to it -- you will lose a few, but the ones who stay will be very impressed. And don't waste a lot of time on the phone with them. Some of these women only want to talk and never meet. Tell them that's ok for invalids and bed-ridden amputees (or something like that) but you haven't time or energy to spend hours on the phone with women who's hidden agenda may be to never actually meet you. I still haven't got the ideal formula -- what works with some, doesn't work with others. But I do know that making your own rules and really sticking to them will make a huge difference for you.