God Is A Woman: Dating Disasters

Despite being a “mainstream” book, GIAW author Ian Coburn is actually very well aware of the Seduction Community and its main principles. In the introduction, he states his reason for writing this book is that he found that there was little practical, genuine advice in the mainstream Dating books he’d read. Typical advice like “be well groomed” was so obvious it makes your nose bleed, but usually the same AFC tinted advice would be trotted out.

On the other hand – why is it that books like “The Rules” are available for women, which, you could argue, are just as manipulative (or more so) than any of the techniques in the Community?

Like “The Game” by Neil Strauss, Ian takes the storytelling approach, illustrating the lessons he’s learned in the form of humorous tales from his time in college and on the road as a stand-up comedian. Ian holds nothing back, and the stories are often explicit.

He starts the book with an observation, and this is perhaps the most important lesson in the book. Early in his career, Ian spent time on the road with a comedian who was quite the ladies man – at one point sleeping with 3 different women in one day! Ian writes that the guy was still on the prowl after this, and had become addicted to sex.

Like anything, sex can become a drug for a lot of these guys. I quote:

“Too much empty sex - sex for the sake of simply having sex - leads to nothing but empty sex; highly undesirable."

Ian vows early on not to become victim to his own sexual desires. He believes that there is a difference between adoring women and adoring sex, and that some men who adore sex are actually very hostile toward women.

Pick up techniques should be about choice, giving you skills so you can confidently approach, attract, and keep the women you find desirable. It shouldn’t be about trying to rack up sexual conquests for the sake of it, or in some misguided effort to impress others, or to assuage some feeling of male inferiority.

Ian does not teach lines or talk about a system. He argues that, in his research, these systems seem to be geared towards meeting and sleeping with shallow, pretty women, and don’t treat the women as individuals.

Ian also teaches about flirting and developing a sense of humour, and gives clear examples of how he developed these skills and how all guys can. For instance, he breaks down humour and tells men directly why women don't get their jokes.

"The roots of humour are relativity and logic. People have to be able to relate to the topic to find the joke funny, which is why many women don't laugh at Star Trek or Three Stooges jokes. Women don't typically watch these shows, so how can they find references to them funny?"

He goes on to describe how to develop timing, delivery and all the elements of humour.

He says that all of his long, successful relationships started with conversations that contained mostly flirting through the initial meeting and the entire first date. Talking about things when you meet or on a first date, like what you do or how many siblings you have, makes things dull fast and should be "saved for phone calls between dates or future dates." Obvious to many of us, but it’s surprising how easily it’s forgotten.

Coburn introduces the reader to some new vocabulary such as "trixie." This is a woman who (like his sister) has been told she’s pretty her whole life. If you’re a Mystery Method guy, you may use the neg technique. Ian explains WHEN to do negs pretty clearly here. He has his own equivalent techniques..."Make her prove her worth. Challenge her and make it sexual."

Another important point which I’m glad I saw raised was what to do when you get those dreaded questions:

"I'll bet you do this all the time?"

Or

"You probably have a girl in every city."

Ian suggests that the best course of action is humour. By exaggerating the woman's pre-existing belief to the point of nonsense, you deflect the problem. He calls this "creating a false expectation."

This is non-confrontational, and the humour demonstrates that it doesn’t really matter. Women want to be right, and they don’t like to be challenged. This is a brilliant, easy to implement, method of dealing with these challenges.

Remember – don’t directly confront a woman when she’s wrong!

God is A Woman also advocates avoiding women who follow the crowd as they are immature and unlikely to make decisions on their own. Not only are you unlikely to be successful with such a person, but the author actually demonstrates how this group mentality can be damaging to the reputation of the pursuer. For legal eagles, a distinction is correctly made between healthy pursuits and stalking. There are too many "fish in the sea" for a man to become obsessed with any one woman.

He also warns that women often don’t want to be held accountable for their decisions, hence some getting drunk so they can have an excuse to “hook up” randomly. Avoid these women, even if it is tempting to sleep with them. An accusation of “date rape” is a badge nobody wants to wear!

Outsider’s view: As we all know, the Community has its own jargon, systems, gurus and articles of disagreement. It’s actually refreshing to read someone’s take on these dating techniques & tactics, without all the textbook manual jargon that seems to overtake some books…

Light, breezy tone: Ian takes a light-hearted tone in this book, and his humorous style of writing makes you want to turn the page and learn more. Like Tucker Max in “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell,” Ian has a natural ability to turn even the most humiliating, or awkward situations into compelling narrative. It feels like you’re reading stories from a cooler older brother or playboy uncle. I completed this book in a day, I was so interested!

Ian doesn’t pretend to have been the big stud on campus, or a natural. The large majority of the book is taken up with the mistakes he’s made, and how, in later dates, he used what he’d learned to be successful. This is far more inspiring than pages of war stories where he comes out on top.

Bullet Points ! After each story, Ian explains what he did wrong, and provides a bullet point of the lesson learned. Great for review; I just wish that other authors would do this, non-community or otherwise!

Some pointless stories: Some of Ian’s stories did, at times, just appear to be there to bump up the word count. Three pages to tell you that, yes, some women can fight? Really? Other times, he does seem to tell the same points over and over, in different tales.

Long-winded: Maybe I have a short attention span, but some of the stories went on and on, and spent far too much time setting the scene.

An excellent antidote to the textbooks and manuals out there. I think the best point Ian has, is to be bold - experiment and push the envelope. If you fail, try and work out what went wrong, and don’t make the same mistake next time. Flirt and have fun, and don’t get trapped in the flowchart mindset of a PUA.

This is also a great pickup tool in its own right. Try leaving your copy out and see what women think of it. It might lead to a lot of great conversation on dating which you can then convert to flirting!